A Glowing Smile

I am a writer. I write all my stories in a small room in a 13 story building near the ocean. This room is my home. I share an apartment with other writers. We all live in one room of the apartment. I was lucky to get the nicest room. I have a desk where I do all my writing, a small bookshelf to keep all my books that I have written and a really small kitchen/eating area plus a bed. I love my home. I enjoy my writing time.

Every morning I go out to sit by the ocean in a small cafe called Blue Lavender with outdoor seating surrounded by trees and flowers. I always carry around my notebook for observations. Today I was more excited to go out than ever before. The cafe was holding its 10-year anniversary. They were giving out free samples of all their foods: pieces of cookies, muffins and brownies and they were also offering 60% off all their drinks. As I walked up to the line where one of the staff was giving out the samples, I noticed that he seemed to be very sad. A minute later it was my turn to try a sample. I was the last one in line. Luckily there was one left of each of the different samples–perfect just for me. I took them, thanked the sad man, then went over to the other side of the cafe where I bought myself a large cup of juice.

Years ago, when I was smaller, I asked my dad for a list of all the jobs that were out there for when I got older. I never had any idea what I wanted to be until recently, when I decided to become a writer since no jobs on my dad’s list seemed to make me happy. One night my father told me that I should choose a job that I really wanted, what I am interested in, or what I am good at doing. This has  been a very important lesson to me. I remember his advice for whenever it comes in handy.

As I was walking over to the door leading to the outside seating, I ran into the same sad man that I had taken my samples from. This time I had the to courage to ask him what was wrong. He brought me out to the outside seating area and he led me over to a table on the grass right by the water. The seagulls chirped in the background. I could hear the waves crash up against the land. It was my favorite place (aside from my room) in the whole world and where I like to spend my time. The man stared at me with his melancholic smile. Slowly, he started to talk to me in his unhappy voice.

He said slowly, “ You look like you’re a very smart young writer.” There was a long pause. The only noise was the chirping of seagulls and the crashing of waves. I looked up at the man who had seemed to be staring at me the whole time. His eyes looked angry but at the same time a sweet and innocent look was in them.

He said, “I need your advice,” then he stopped talking again. “ I absolutely don’t like this job at all. The boss seems to take control of me way too much.”

I thought about the first time I met the boss and how I was so impressed by how understanding and sweet he was that I actually went home and wrote a whole story about the kindest boss in the world.

“Well,” I said, “I think he is the nicest boss that I have ever met.”

The sad man looked me with anger. “I want the world to give me another job, a good job that will make me happy and will make me look good. Please give me some advice.”

“The world owes you nothing. The world is not a wish-granting factory,” I said, recalling the lines delivered in The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. “I have not the power nor ability to choose your job. You need to do what you wish to do as an occupation that will make you happy. You must follow your heart. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first, said Mark Twain. The world was here first before anyone else. Human life came after, so the world has nothing to give you. You can do the world favors but you can never expect something back. That’s the way it goes, so you can’t say the world owes you a living, because it doesn’t. You can give to it without expecting anything in return just to show you care. You need to work hard to get what you want, you can’t just expect it to happen . In your case, you should not rely on a company to give you a job. You need to work for it and get it on your own.” I did not know how I said that; it was like my dad was inside of me speaking all of his wise advice. Again was a large moment of expected silence.

“ I suppose you are right.” His sad face gleamed in the sunshine making it stand out above everything else. Then he walked away. He walked up to the door leading back inside where he stopped and waited, then he turned back and stared at me, the sad face still shining brightly in the sun.  He suddenly went from sad to happy and soon there was no longer a sad face, harmed and lonely. A smile had spread across his face which seemed to light up the whole world. He waved goodbye and walked in. In less than five seconds he came back outside, made sure that no one was looking, then blew me a kiss, and threw me a paper airplane and then left and I never saw him again. I picked up the airplane from where it landed and stuffed it in my pocket.

Later on, once I was home, I sat down on my bed, took a deep breath and opened the paper airplane. A little red heart came out and floated down onto my bed. I carefully unfolded the paper and read the following:

 

Dear Writer,

Thank you so much for your advice. I appreciate all your time you put into me. I will take into consideration what you said. Thanks again!

  Yours Truly,

        Bob Williams (staff at Blue Lavender)

 

I stared at the letter for a few minutes, then put it off to the side.

Three days later letter came for me in the mail. It said Bob Williams at the top. Clueless of how he got my address, I opened the letter.

 

Dear Writer,

Just to let you know I left my job at the cafe. It was a hard day, but resulted well. Now I am working as a designer for the newspaper. If you have any writing that you wish to publish you may contact me and I can get in touch with the editor easily. Thanks so much for all you have said to help me choose what my heart wants to do and what I really want to be deep, deep, deep down inside.

      Love,

           Bob Williams

P.S. I will send you a free copy of the newspaper each week.

 

I walked over to my desk, put the letter on top of my huge pile of papers and smiled a warm, glowing smile. I picked up my pen and began to write.

 

 

The End

 

Beach

“I feel the sand sticking to my feet, falling off my skin, the air touching my skin as if someone was blowing on it.”

“The salt water getting in my mouth, spitting up the horrible taste, then eating watermelon, and dripping down my fruit pop.”

“As I get out of the water, I sit down in my chair, closing my eyes as I hear the airplane and the helicopter banners zooming past me. Behind those noises I hear the wave rushing by, and the seagulls caca-ing around me looking for food.”

“I smell the fish that the fishermen are fishing from the ocean, trying pull away, trying to save their lives, but they cannot do so.”

Smudge of Me

Right then and there I wanted to take him by the hair and throttle him full force off that bridge. Wind would dance in his hair before grabbing mine and pulling it to my eyes. Oh the cries he’d gargle out. Oh the shouts I’d exclaim upon him.

“You idiot!” I’d shriek over the bridge’s rim. He’d fall mortified, but only after he’d get in on that last rattling laugh. Those numbers still nestled in his hands. Water upon friend, more like cement upon fire.

I flinched and snapped away those thoughts. The salty air stung and ate its way into my eyes. The moon was already too bright for them. I looked right at him. His blistered fingers wrapped themselves upon a slip of paper blotted with ink. Waves crashed against the bridge’s wavering bodice as my glazed eyes stared at his unnerving smile.

“I did for you pal.” He beamed. His sharp teeth, white like the moon, showed through.

“Bartholomew,” I wheezed, “Why?” My forehead creasing as my head made its way towards the sky, “Why?” Searching for an answer in the stars.

“Frederic, don’t worry, they’ll never find us out. You’ll win it. Just take it. Just follow me.”

But I didn’t. I just ran.

He didn’t even call after me.

Came back home empty handed, but the piano still hadn’t shed its last croak. Playing and playing and playing does the piano go. It all started weeks ago, when the new neighbors came in. Those nimble fingers jammed upon those keys, the sound muffled by the walls. It sounded like the hollering of a hostage with their mouth all crammed up in cloth. I stared at the walls, tickets, worn and new, had densely swarmed and glued their bodies to cold cement walls. All of them a fluorescent yellow already smudged with black. Failed numbers, failed doors, all closed. But their music, oh sweet music, played muffled and choked way in the back.

Found limp in a hotel room, Bartholomew smelled of cigarettes. Hours just before that, witnesses swore they heard gun shots crackle through the air. Even children are told not to pass around those plastic little bags Bartholomew! The piano stopped its playing because of you. Those fiery red cardinals kept singing through. Their voices shrilling high up in the stars, ignoring me and you.

He had already his will played out though. I got the numbers and his favorite ferocious Ferrari. It roared red like blood that stained his carpet.

“I didn’t see her, I swear” I muttered more to myself than near bystanders. A hit and run. The blood was hidden perfectly on the front. That didn’t fool not me, not them, not anyone. Rain started to hit the ground, tap dancing upon the smudge of me that they kept dancing upon. Is it all okay? If the drain just drains me all away?

I got the numbers. The trials next month.

It starts today. I stop in front of the glowing alabaster shop. I look at the numbers, piano keys frolicking in my head. Dancing and dancing do the drops of rain go. I look at the numbers, and back at the red stained sheet that you held so dear that night. I look at the numbers and realize that I won! Millions and millions and millions. The lottery you rigged all for me! For me God dammit, for me! I clasped my eyes shut till they burned. They wanted to rain about the smudge of me, finish off what the you had all started. I crumpled the numbers back in to my pocket. My eyes opened wide just to see them stare right back at me. All locked doors opened, with their music spilling out, drowning out my fears. In the midst of it all I failed to notice the moon, that was already too bright for my closing eyes. I had drowned in music.

This Is Where I Belong, In The Waves

Part 1: The First Wave

“The joy of surfing is so many things combined, from the physical exertion of it, to the challenge of it, to the mental side of the sport”

-Kelly Slater

I grew up in a small town in New Jersey on the beach. So, you can guess, I was gonna grow up to be “Daddy’s little surfer girl”. If you don’t know what I mean, then I will put it in a simpler way, I was going to be a surfer and there was no way of stopping it!

Every weekend was spent with my father watching surfing documentaries.

“The Endless Summer, Step Into Liquid…” my dad could list a whole bunch.

 

We mostly watched The Endless Summer. I loved it! Seeing the surfers ride these massive waves that towered over them. I was amazed by their courage and hypnotized as a child by how easy everyone made surfing look. The smooth curves of the board and the quick white wash of the wave. It was during those moments, when the white wash surrounded you, that you knew you had just had a great ride.

I started surfing at age three. I was maybe about two feet tall. I would climb onto my dad’s board that was 6 times my size and want to ride the mystifying waves of the great ocean. The first time I could actually surf was in Hawaii, the Big Island. A crowd had gathered on the beach to watch me and my little brother ride the tiny ripples of ocean that seemed like waves to me at the time.

“Yay!!!!” the crowd would yell and clap each time my brother and I reached the beach. My brother and I would have shining eyes and bright smiles as we rode up onto the sand.

“I was super excited, extremely proud and at the same time trying to take video and pictures while ‘enjoying’ the moment. It was great to see other tourists taking pictures of them as well and asking me ‘Are those your kids?’ and me proudly responding ‘Yes they are!!”

-Patricia Demas-Anderson (My mom)

This is what I like to call, “The first of many great waves”. It is the first wave you can remember that gives you the thrill of success, the relief that you made it through and the moment where you jump off your board into the ocean yelling “Yippeeee!!!”

 

Part 2: The Emotion and Experience

“The best surfer out there is the one having the most fun”

-Phil Edwards

With challenge comes fear, joy, courage and many more emotions that lead you to what you do on that wave that makes you think.

“What in the world was I thinking!” but, the greatest part is that there is no turning back because you feel the tipping of the board, you hear the rush of air in your ears, you smell and taste the salty ocean water being washed into your face and you see the exhilaration of speed underneath you and the feeling that comes after makes you forget the doubts and think of what is the next challenge you will take on.

That is what I feel on every wave along with every other surfer out in the water. It’s the ones who throw on a wet suit in the middle of February and paddle in the numbing water until their arms feel like noodles. Those are the surfers who are there to feel the emotion and enjoy the experience.

-Frosty Hesson surfing mavericks

“Winter surfing is when you stop trying to find yourself, and start creating yourself.  The water is cold, dark, and heavy.  The winter swell carries a powerful punch.  The crowd is always thin.  Paddling in to a great winter swell forces you to confront your fears, while in search of your joys, the reward being dignity.  I did this! There is something incredibly powerful, giving in to something bigger than yourself, Mother Nature, and coming closer to what makes you truly happy, as a result.  Surfing might hold the key to happiness.”

-Jeffrey Anderson (My dad)

“How I feel when I’m surfing has changed dramatically over the last few decades. When I was a young man, surfing was straight up fun. It was fun to go surfing with friends in Bay Head, at Jenks and in Mantoloking, it was fun to travel to exotic places like Central America and the South Pacific and it was fun just lounging around with friends on a summer evening talking about how much fun we had had surfing earlier that day.”

-Ty Torres

Each surfer feels a little bit different with each day but, my dad always likes to say,

“One good wave out of ten is much better than a bad day at work!”

No matter what, surfing brings a lot of emotion to most. And even though each way we feel might be a tiny bit different because that comes with each wave, we still all know that surfing is great. It is a trait that was born into our blood that we will never be able to remove, just to enjoy.

 

Part 3: The Challenge

“If you’re having a bad day, catch a wave”

-Frosty Hesson

With surfing comes troubles and challenges. We all have our falls and wipeouts but, there are other troubles that are on a surfers mind when he/she is out on the water. For one thing, I am constantly thinking about speed. If I had to choose one of the many challenges that comes with surfing, it would be speed.

Speed is very important when it comes to surfing. You need speed to slice through incoming waves to get past the break line. You need speed to pop up on your board so you can steer around other surfers and, actually surf! You can’t surf without being able to pop up and stand with speed underneath your feet. So many times I have had to ride to the beach on my belly of my board because I couldn’t pop up fast up enough.

“The hardest thing about surfing is learning to go, to push yourself over the ledge and just have at it.”

-Ty Torres

Of course other surfers have their own opinions of what is a challenge when it comes to surfing. I agree with many other surfers, there have been so many times where I panicked because I am about to send myself onto this huge wave but, you have to just let go. In order to learn how to surf, there are going to be those moments when you don’t want to ride the next level wave but, it is great if you do that because then, you can learn, and that is a challenge within itself.

“Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.”

-Bodhi / Patrick Swayze

Fear is another huge challenge when you are trying to surf. There is the fear that you might wipeout. There is the fear that you might fail when you try to ride the next wave. And, depending on where you surf, there is the fear, not always present but always lurking, that you could get ripped to shreds by the huge jaws of sharks. When I am surfing I don’t think about these fears. If anything, I think about those fears when I am on the shore. As soon as I run and dive straight into the water, my mind gets cleared.

The last time I went surfing, I was sitting on the middle of my board, dipping my hands into the freezing ocean water. I turned to my dad, and said,

“This is where I belong, in the waves.”

 

“Surfing, alone among sports, generates laughter at its very suggestion, and this is because it turns not a skill into an art, but an inexplicable and useless urge into a vital way of life”

-Matt Warshaw

Now I Realize, Monster Inside, Not Soulmates

Now I realize

The road I’d driven on

The one I put on for

Was marvelous, it’s origin is

The genesis of my abiguisness

Is known throughout society

where I was raised through the good and bad of poverty

The hood made me tuff

So the jail walls is a bluff

The person I convey is a bluff too

Inside of the man,

stuck in the can

rust on his shoulders

crust in his eyes

it’s just a kid who met his demise

 

 

Monster Inside

It wasn’t fair that everyone had new shoes

And true religions

I was stuck with baggy jeans and hand me downs

Seem like noone seen me frown

My Pops wasn’t around

Moms was in the streets

Grandmom didn’t know what to think

12-years-old, trying to find manhood

Face 2 Face, with something I knew nothing about

I was destined to fail

White folks misunderstood what they thought

was depression for oppression

Through me in the cage by the time I was free

A monster was formed inside of me

Pissed off at the world, his rage had only grew

When I was free, so was the monster inside of me

I hadn’t known the rules of society

So, it wasn’t long before

The monster and me were tamed again

He needed someone to blame

Because the burden was too heavy for himself

The man in the monster wants freedom

But the monster won’t leave him

There is a war raging between them

I hope the man beats him.

 

Not Soulmates

I’ve been told

What they say, hides

behind our eyes

is our soul

I’ve known since looking

into your eyes,

yours belongs with mine,

For a while it was great,

unbenownest to our fate

We were in love

but not soul mates

 

 

I’ll Smile if you Smile

we were trying to get back to words

as you left me watching as you flew toward the sky

I guess I held too tight to your rope because it broke along with you

but you were already broken when I found you at the end of the road

or was it you who found me at the beginning of the road

im not quite sure anymore

 

I guess it took more than words to bound your wounds

because many didn’t even penetrate the surface

even when I saw you start to crack all I could do was stand back

and i watched the pieces fall i was helpless

I was small

 

I tried to be the hero

I tried to fix your broken bits

but how can you clean up shards of glass if you yourself

are falling through the jagged cracks

 

I cared more for you

then for myself

I asked you

no I begged you to smile

to laugh

to live

 

but you said no

I said I would smile if you did

and I haven’t smiled since

How To Kiss Death

I don’t believe in

History class for the same reason

I don’t believe in

ghosts:

 

maybe, just

maybe if I don’t believe

in it,

it will go away.

maybe, just

maybe if I don’t think about

it,

it will

cease.

to.

exist.

 

History class,

that is.

ghosts will always linger

somewhere. everyone

knows that.

 

it’s not that I don’t

like

History,

it’s just that I don’t…

fine,  I don’t like History class

there. I said it. quote me.

it’s not the teacher or the homework.

(I mean, I get As and B+s)

I study! I have fun!

 

but how do you

believe in something that

you don’t know it positively happened?

yes, evidenceblahblahblah,

but I wasn’t there!

(fine, I’m a narcissist.)

 

and we don’t know it happened!

like we don’t

KNOW that ghosts

really exist!

 

History and ghosts.

two things that go well together:

put in some

Genocide, one cup of

Evil, a teaspoon of

Heroism, a pinch of

War with some sugar on top,

Sugar that tastes like blood.

 

Because that

is

what

History is.

Genocide and Evil (a bit of heroism) and War and Sugary Blood.

and, like Halloween,

Death and ghosts come out

of the shadows

in the night.

but mostly death and

I wish there was a book

in the library, called:

How to Kiss Death

 

and I wish this because most people don’t

understand why they die.

it’s because they won’t accept Death,

because they don’t want to become just another

spot on the map of History

 

page one:

 

there’s no going back,

but once you go back you’re on Death’s list.

suddenly, swiftly, Death will attack.

and then, big and bolded, chapter one: How to Kiss

 

you should wait in the shadows

until Death comes, pitying you,

and you cry from your sore mouth

and bleeding lips and broken heart,

Death will cease your fears and your worries and

Death will Kiss you and all of your dreams will come true and

Death will help you and hurt you and make you better than you ever were and

Death will kill you but it will be worth it and

Death will Kiss you with its salty lips until

Death sucks all of the pain out of you,

Death stops the crying and reverses the clock and

Death will help you-

and then I closed

the book

and

shut

my

eyes

tight.

 

because, well, Death?!

No one wants to think about Death!

 

(oh, but, like, sorry if you’re maybe thinking about death right now…?)

 

and if I don’t think about it,

maybe, maybe it will go away,

Death might sneak back to the dusty corner

it came from, and it might go back from where it came from,

Death might retreat from History and History might not

be full of ghosts and ghosts

might Kiss Death back–

 

but I don’t think about those things,

it’s bad to think about– or is it?

 

is it bad to plan your future,

to remember your past, to acknowledge

the dead who

Kissed Death back

 

yes, it is bad,

yes.

 

maybe, just

maybe if I don’t believe

in it,

it will go away.

maybe, just

maybe if I don’t think about

it,

it will

cease.

to.

exist.

 

but,

it is good to delve in,

for another bite,

another lesson,

another Kiss.

I open the book;

Chapter two:

 

Don’t Resist.

Cartography

No. 1

Awakening, I saw:

The first thing I ever loved was a pigeon through my window, when I was fourteen and hated Juliet because she was my age and had killed herself

And where did that leave me?

Believing that gods were only in love because they wanted to take our curved ribs- if I was made from Adam’s rib, I was cracked

Maybe our womanly ribs were too soft to hold up our bodies, maybe we were bags of jelly scrambling for a foothold, our armour becoming our structure because it doesn’t work;

Our ribs never really protect our hearts.

It turned to watch me, curled by the window, waiting in the darkness like a shark.

One eye fixed on me, red like acrylic paint half dried, glossy yet faded, uneven

And that was the first time I was in love- I loved girls and I wanted boys, like the man who died amongst the bleached bone white sands, unable to chose between love and life, and so I starved

And so I loved

And I like to think it loved me back- but then again it was a very dusty window.

And I was a very romantic little girl.

 

No. 2

My mother:

She was all sharp edges, but delicate as paper, addicted to fire, determined to go down blazing up like a Japanese lantern

A woman who could walk in triangles and never leave the centre.

When she tucked me into my clean comforters, she whispered that there was no such thing as silence, and I held my breath and listened as my heart fluttered against my ribs:

After all our cages protect us and our traditions ground us. I was lost.

 

No. 3

I dreamed:

Once I went to a feast in Jesus’s castle and there was a table piled with food like presents and it smelled beautiful and warm and all emraldy- though I never smelled an emerald; it was what emeralds should smell of- but I didn’t recognise any of it so I sat and starved.

Jesus came up to me- yes, He does wear those sandals- and said it was ok to want to be a man and a woman all at once and gave me grapes nestled next to the canned beers in his fridge.

We talked for a long time about why castles are inconvenient, and He patted my hair and said that this was it and He told me it’s ok to be scared:

“I cried on the cross.”

He really was wonderful. He showed me the tattoo He had gotten because He was mad at His father- a tiny cross hidden by His ear. And He showed me His scars and they were small and unexciting, and I dreamt I showed Him mine although my wrists were at least five years too young.

I told Him I loved Him and He told me sternly I was too young to know what love was, and to tell Him in five years when I had decided whether or not to believe in Him.

I looked for Him but didn’t find him again.

 

No. 4

My room:

A dark place that never failed to surprise me

As if I had been walking in the dark for ages and had only just realised the sea had been crashing down on me on all sides

Monks and zebras floated on clouds in the walls, appearing in the paint sponged thick and chipping.

In the shadows, under the beds, there were always green hairy armed monsters waiting to grab me until I realised that my monsters were much more concrete and much more subtle

Frankenstein told me people are mirror faced and believe in what they reflect, and that love makes you crazy.

Dracula told me flesh and blood didn’t have enough bones

In the dark I cried

My salty sea blood throbbing in my eyes as I dreamed dreams that tormented me in an unfathomable way

Always, I fell

Sometimes I jumped.

Or I fluttered past ladders that spun in the dark

 

No. 5

Upstate, at the cottage:

I danced on the beautiful dock that sliced through the lake- submerged like someone had said

hey, hey, hey

I don’t have enough stone to raise my dock out of the water but fuck it

I can walk out to the middle just the same

So fuck it

I’ll build it anyways.

And he did.

 

No. 6

My mapping is done:

Remember when we were young?

They like to say remember when

but no, no I don’t

I forget because I was young and it is not for the young to remember,

I am not a hard-drive, I am pink icing and blue jelly

That bounces around because it can

Because it hasn’t hardened into bone, because it is buoyant and has no anchor to remind it where the ground is

Because I still have more to know than I have to remember

This is my protest; let me rust.

Soot

As Emily trudged to school, low grey clouds loomed overhead, a precise reflection of her sullen mood. Her backpack weighed heavy on her shoulders as her footsteps scuffed the slimy ground.  Looking down at her muddy, sandaled toes, she wondered if the backpack had been a splurge better suited to her feet.  The mud quickly dried and became unpleasantly hard, caking between her toenails and even fingernails as she tripped over a hidden rock.
At least this should be over by the end of this year, she thought grimly.  Her father said that she could work in the tobacco field with him once she finished tenth grade, and he would homeschool her.
On the other hand, I’m not looking forward to spending more of my time farming.
The few hours she spent a day helping her father in the fields were dull, though at least they weren’t as fraught with confusion and anxiety as her typical school day.
Arriving at school, Emily stepped over the threshold, painfully aware of the mud she was tracking across the linoleum floor.  She noted a new banner hanging across the doorway in bright colors.  The banner read something in Turkish.
Yedinçi Sinef Için Yeni Orğetmen
“Yedinçi Sinef”- That means seventh grade.  “Için” was “for”, and “yeni” was “new”.  The last word was lost on her.
“Or . . . orğet,” she breathed out, trying to fashion some kind of meaning out of the clunky sounds in her mouth.
“Move it,” a kid growled behind her in Turkish.  He was a Turk who had been born in Germany and moved here because of his parents, both of whom worked in the U.N.  They were nice enough; their kid wasn’t, still resentful about having to move to this cash-strapped place.
Emily quickly moved out of the way and muttered an insincere apology under her breath.

The bell rang, and Emily headed to her first class, where the teacher handed out a paper Emily could have sworn was meant to be gibberish and told them to write their name as the inspirational posters plastered over the peeling paint stared at her judgingly.  Simple enough, but Emily hated the task.
Grudgingly, Emily printed her name on the paper, wondering for not the first time why her parents had given her a Western name.  With her friends, she still stubbornly referred to herself with a Kurdish name.
 An American name won’t take away our poverty, so why bother?
She looked at the empty seats- two to her right, five in the front of the room, and four in the back,  Ten of the students in her class had dropped out of school to work.  The sixth had been kidnapped by the PKK, a radical Kurdish party.  Still safe, most likely, but Emily didn’t know for how much longer.
Looking around at the other five empty seats, Emily thought about how she’d be a member of that club in just a few months.  She was lucky, though: unlike the people in the five empty seats, she had a job she could go to, instead of trying to conjure one out of thin air.
She still wasn’t sure if farming was better than school.
Picking up her backpack for the next class, Emily went through the hallway, sticking close to the stone wall to avoid the jealous looks of the people who didn’t have predetermined jobs.  There were a lot.
In the next class, this one with a multitude of posters depicting each letter of the alphabet with a corresponding picture, Emily sat down next to her friend Aran, whose older brother also owned a tobacco farm.  The teacher began his daily mantra of  ¨In order to learn, you must speak Turkish fluently.¨
¨Yes,¨ murmured Emily to Aran in Kurdish, ¨Because it’s so easy to learn another language.¨
The teacher shot them a glare.
Aran giggled.
“You must pay attention to me,” began the teacher, cutting himself off when he realized Aran was giving him a questioning look.  “You must pay attention to to me!¨ he repeated, louder.
“I don’t get why he thinks that repeating the same thing louder is going to make us understand it,” remarked Aran.
“Because he’s a teacher,” replied Emily.  Which was true, in a sense.  All of the teachers in the school acted a lot like this one did.
On the way home, walking with Aran, Emily pondered possible responses for the teacher, until laughter formed inside both of them and bubbled out of their mouths, bubbles that burst as soon as they reached Emily’s home.
Most of the field was black and burnt, and, in the middle of it were the crumbling, sooty remains of her house.  A sharp scent of smoke filled the air.
Emily blinked, and blinked again.   As if the destruction in front of her was just a heat haze that would disappear if she wished hard enough.
She squeezed her eyes shut.  That’s not real.  That’s not real.  She opened her eyes,

A black chunk of the roof fell off
Where was her father?
Oh!  He was working in the fields.  That was it; he had to be. There was no way his body could lay in the middle of that wreck.
Next to her, Aran whimpered.  “What happened?”
“I don’t know.”  Her voice was strangely free of emotion.
For several minutes, they stood in silence, watching the place Emily had spent half her life crumble to dust.
Emily stepped into the field and headed straight for the house.
“Wait! The house isn’t safe anymore!”
“And?”
“You might get hurt,” said Aran, with an equally puzzled and concerned expression.
Emily stalked off without bothering to answer.   A section of the house fell to the ground right before her.  Emily simply trod over it and continued on.
The inside was new-moon dark. Emily made her way through the shadowed hallways to what was- well, used to be-  her room.  Almost all of her belongings had burned.  She picked up all that had survived; a small, battered doll.   It had black hair, burnt by the fire, and tan skin.  Her heart felt like it had been scooped out with a rusty spoon, leaving the remaining part to fester.  Emily backed out of the room.  The soot and ash was making it hard to breathe.   She was already taking ragged gasps.  The smell of charred wood and fabric clogged her nose.  She fled down the hallway.  Her sandaled feet scuffed on the ashen floor.
Suddenly, her toes struck some sort of obstacle, sending her sprawling.  Clumsily she got up, looked at what she had tripped over, and promptly screeched.  It was a corpse, almost burnt beyond recognition, but the battered rusted necklace chain sticking out of his pockets, her mother’s favorite piece of jewelry before she died, was more than enough for her to identify it as her father.
A mixture of emotions churned in her heart gathered and coalesced into a giant lump in her throat.  She lay across the body and hugged it, moisture forming in the corners of her eyes.  She didn’t bother to fight it.
After a period of time that could have been a few hours or a few heartbeats, Emily reluctantly got up.
A glimmer in the side of the hallway cut off her train of thought.  She picked the source of the glimmer up, inspecting it in the palm of her hand.  It was a small, indented device with fins at the end.  Slowly, she recognized as a piece of a cluster bomb-her father had taught her about those-that was specifically designed to start fires.
She turned the object in her hand, suddenly noticing some words printed on the sides.  PROPERTY OF THE TURKISH REPUBLIC, it said.  Emily clenched it in her hand.  She felt the fire that had burned her house and father sear in her heart, scorching away the grief and frustration, all the while burning across the red-hot coals of her anger.
Emily emerged from the once-house, blinking at her bright surroundings.
“Are . . . are you okay?”  Aran asked tentatively.   She stood halfway across the field, the burnt tobacco reaching halfway up to her knee.
Walking to meet Aran,  Emily handed her friend the bomblet.
“Oh.”
Emily left.  Her urge to do something, to hurt someone, was overwhelming.  She didn’t want to drag Aran into it and hurt her.
The mud squelched beneath her feet as she walked away.  She had no idea which direction she was going, nor did she care.    The mud eventually gave way to grass, then to hard dirt.  The sun was filtered out by the canopy overhead.  The ground was rocky, but it looked inviting; she had been walking for who knew how long.
No, I can’t think of sitting down.  I have to get revenge . . .
Somehow.
The bus arrived perhaps an hour before the moon was due to touch the horizon.  It was small, filled with an acrid scent of exhaust and covered in graffiti, just like its station.  The bus driver didn’t seem surprised that his only passenger that night was a child covered in dirt and carrying no luggage.  He just asked for his money- it turned out the bus was going to Erzincan, which, she remembered from her geography lessons, was a city on the way to Ankara.  She handed him his fee, fifteen lira, and sank down onto the torn upholstery, trying to ignore the parched feeling in her mouth and the growling in her stomach. She fell into a light sleep.
A few hours later, the sun’s bright rays woke her.  She tried to close her eyes, but even then her eyelids were filled with an unpleasant shining red.  So she grudgingly blinked them open, wiping away the goop.
The bus halted suddenly, lurching forward.
“Sorry!”  the bus driver called out from the front.
Looking around, Emily noticed several other people had joined the bus.  A man sitting behind her was holding his nose over some offensive smell.  Emily hoped it wasn’t her.
But when the bus came to a stop and she got out, Emily was forced outside her reveries.  She had six lira left, she realized.  That would barely cover water.  She wouldn’t have enough money for food. And transportation?  Forget it.
She noticed with interest how people passed the beggars on the sidewalk. They either plowed ahead, gaze fixed on the horizon, or slowed to barely a crawl, head bowed.  Either way, all of them pretended they didn’t see the beggars.  Perhaps they didn’t.  Perhaps they were so used to the sight of beggars that the ratty clothes became just another blot on the sidewalk, with only their subconcious registering the faintest amount of guilt.
 Still, though, the beggars had somehow accrued some money.  Emily responded to observance with disgust.  No way!  I’m not going to beg!
 You could always take their money.
At this statement, she could almost feel her body divide and fight within itself.  On the one hand, she really needed the money.  On the other hand, taking valuable objects from people who also really needed them was morally questionable, to say the least.
She still really needed the money.
So against her conscience’s objections, she waited until the dead of night, when her stomach was screaming with hunger, and quickly snatched up a small plastic cup filled with lira next to a person stretched out on the sidewalk.  Her heart was palpitating, though there was no one in sight.
I have to get out of this place.  Nothing was going to be open at this hour, anyway.  She would have to wait to buy food.  There was a city, Sivas, she remembered, on the way to Ankara.  She knew there would one station for buses going to Sivas in the cluster of stations in the center of the city.
The moon began to rise and, as the sky lightened as she waited at the bus station, Emily got more and more fidgety.  While she knew there was no way she could be recognized as the person who took the money, that didn’t stop her guilty conscience from forcing wild dreams of the person’s vengeance on her.
 Once the moon touched the horizon, Emily got up and began to pace back and forth.
 Please come now, please come now, please come now . . .
As the sun arrived and as Emily’s heart began to reach a record number of beats per minute over the imagined possibility of an omniscient angry homeless guy, a bus came.  The doors had barely opened when Emily ran onto it, bouncing on her heels and glancing around.  She had gotten halfway down the mostly empty bus before she remembered to give the driver his fee.  Guiltily, she dug into the cup, careful not to reveal it to anyone, and handed the driver his fee, ten lira again.
As she made her way down the bus aisle, she noticed several people wrinkling their noses.  This time, Emily didn’t bother to hope it wasn’t her.  She had been wearing the same battered clothes for two days now, through mangled buses and filth-covered alleys. Of course she would be the source of the smell.
As Emily sat down, the bus lurched forward.  Bile rose in her throat.  If only she’d had enough money to take the train.

It took three hours to get to Sivas.  Three horrendous hours.  Emily tried to sleep, but her body decided that the few hours of sleep yesterday were plenty..  So she was left staring at the blue-with-a-purple-floral design fabric of the seat in front of her, doing her best to not descend into grief or despair.  She couldn’t think about going home and hugging her dad, or even just sitting in her room.  Most of all, she couldn’t think about why she couldn’t do that.
 That worked about as well as you’d expect.
 Just a few minutes into the bus ride, her emotions were churning once again, both freezing and burning her heart, until Emily decided that the freezing was far too uncomfortable.  So she let the coals burn, and exited the bus with a scowl and a searing heart.
 Apparently, the city center wasn’t too far far, because even at her weak jog, she reached what appeared to be the main plaza in a few moments.  But while the plaza and the mosques around it were intricately designed and beautiful by anyone’s standards, they weren’t what caught Emily’s eye.
A bit farther down, past the mosques and commercial buildings, was a building that wasn’t much more than ash, a building that reminded Emily of the place she had spent her life.
Blinking, she forced away the memories and approached the building in an almost trance.
Emily shook her head.
Okay, what did that?  The damage looked like it had been caused by a giant version of an incendiary bomb.
 Approaching the building, Emily saw that there were men giving out pamphlets that she assumed told about what happened at this site.  She glanced longingly at them, knowing that she wouldn’t understand a good chunk of the pamphlets, and chose instead to eavesdrop on a nearby tour.
It took just a minute or two of listening for her to glean that the building had been burned down because one religious faction had disliked another religious faction that was performing in the building.
Do extremists have nothing better to do?
She turned on her heel to look for transportation to Ankara.

Something was tugging at her shirtsleeve.  It was annoying and insistent.  But Emily couldn’t be bothered to summon up the effort to turn around and look at the source.
 “Tired,”  she mumbled thickly.  The word was heavy in her mouth.  She vaguely remembered having stumbled into an alley in Ankara and falling into an exhausted sleep.
 The tugging continued.
 Grudgingly, Emily looked up.
 A man was towering over her.  His features were blurry, but slowly coming into focus.
 “Ma’am, I’d like you to come with me,” he said.

Emily’s eyes snapped open.  “Why?”  she asked defensively.
He stared at her.  Sunlight glinted off a gun he held in his holster.
Emily gulped and stood up.
“All right, I’ll come.”

Not like I have much choice, she thought, eyeing the gun warily and wondering what sort of place would require an armed escort.
The place she was being taken, unsurprisingly, proved to be as unpleasant as the escort, a building comprised of not much more than a large room full of beds and peeling green paint.  Most spots were occupied, marked by dirty grey blankets and a sour stench.  She was pushed by the guard to an empty bed in a corner.  Not knowing what else to do, Emily plopped down and waited.  No thoughts crossed her mind.  The guard left the room.
She sat for hours on the edge of the bed without thinking. Even when a man dropped a bag full of toiletries and clothing on her bed, she took no notice. The sun had started to set before a single thought appeared in her mind:  What am I doing here?
She had set out with the vague goal of revenge, but it had been well-fueled, and still was.  Emily scowled.
A small, rational voice in her head began to criticize Emily’s choice, but was quickly overridden by the wave of emotion that went They killed my family!
Cold seething anger was really good for plotting.
Emily began to consider her revenge.

She listed in her mind all the options she had to inflict the most possible harm before realizing that she had no weapons nor any idea how to get one.
Well, fists were good enough.
And she knew where she wanted to go: the main government building.
The only trouble left was trying to figure out how to get inside the building, a bit of a problem, mainly because Emily didn’t know where the building was to start with.  Well, that can wait until later, Emily thought, lying down on her bed and falling asleep without bothering to clean herself up.
It seemed like seconds later that the sun began streaming through the window.  Emily simply rolled over and went back to sleep.  After all, while she had something to do, she also had all the time in the world.

The sun was halfway down the sky when Emily finally got up and cleaned herself.  The soap was scant, she noticed, but it would do.
With some glee, she noticed a map.  That should tell her exactly where all the buildings were.
She opened the map quickly, fumbling with the paper.  At the the top was a warning about the PKK.  Didn’t I see that before?  Emily thought.  Oh, well. She had other things to do.
The map was rather simple.  It took about a few minutes for Emily to locate the closest major government building, and it would only twenty more for her to walk there.  The trouble was now getting in.
But leaving the shelter, Emily noticed something.  A heap of smelly blankets on a bed, moaning softly.
She promised to herself that she would never become a pile of blankets.
At the building, Emily decided to tag along on a tour of extremely well-dressed people.  They entered the well-dressed hallways.  The tour guide pointed out various portraits and decorations and the meanings behind them, which Emily didn’t care for.  Finally, the tour guide mentioned that there was an “important government meeting” behind the door on her right, which Emily did care for.  She hung back, pretending to observe the walls, until the tour was out of sight. She stared at the door that rich officials sat behind and pulled her lips back in an animal-like grimace.  Her heart felt like it would explode with the sheer force of hate.
 You’ll pay.
 She barged through the door.  There was a table full of crisply dressed people, all wearing suits and yelling unintelligible words.
 Emily punched one.
 On second thought, that hadn’t been a very good idea.
 It should have been expected that there were guards of some sort.
 It should have been expected that the guards would fire on what was clearly an attack.
 There certainly wasn’t time to dodge, but there was time to think.
 To notice the chart in the corner talking about the PKK.  To remember that the PKK was an organization currently fighting the government.  The one on the map, and the one on the second cluster bomb.
She hadn’t been targeted.  Just caught in the middle of a war.  And she hadn’t been seeking revenge, either.  Just escaping.  Escaping from the life she had thought to be trapped in, then escaping from the sooty remains of that life.
 Bullets didn’t travel that fast after all.

Animal Wedding

The young doe looked spectacular in her snowy dress, its train gliding elegantly across the carpeted floor.  Her chestnut coat was scrubbed to a shine, and she hardly made a sound as she was walked down the aisle in her white booties.

All of the guests had been dressed in only the finest attire and were gossiping madly about the new couple:

Black top hats had been fitted onto the prickly heads of the three porcupines, and the two portly walruses were adorned with monocle and cane.

The lioness exhibited a scarlet gown that had been living in a closet all year, waiting for just this kind of occasion, and the penguins wore seersucker button-downs.

The egret was delighted to show off his navy blue herringbone suit, even though it made him quite hungry; the caimans grinned devilishly in houndstooth.

The tyrannosaurus watched the whole procession from afar, downcast because he was not invited (at the capuchin’s bat mitzvah, he had eaten all of the mini quiches).

No one acknowledged that sad, skeletal monstrosity:

The red river hogs were too busy fighting over a pair of Prada heels.

Four bighorn sheep were butting their way to the front row of fold-up chairs in plaid slacks.

One fun-loving grizzly in a neon blazer made her way through the noisy crowd, asking the partygoers for their phone numbers.

The gibbon boasted a polka-dotted bow tie; his velvety arms stretched outwards to hold a Bible.  He was to be the officiator of this holy matrimony.

And it was impossible to ignore the blue whale who hovered cheerfully over them all in a slim-fitting, yellow blouse.

The human stood beaming at the end of the aisle in his blue coveralls, proud of his work.  Everything was in place, and his bride looked as gorgeous as ever.  He loved the way her furry ears poked out from under the shimmering veil, the way her lifeless eyes reflected his own.

But of course! He had forgotten: she needed to be standing.

Bob – for that was the human’s name – rearranged his fiancé’s corpse so that she stood upright on her two hind legs.  He gave her a kiss on the cheek and then fussed with her body some more.  After making sure she was stable, he hurried over towards the entrance doors to close them; this was to be a relatively private affair.

Bob hummed “Here Comes the Bride” to drown out the clamor of his pounding heart.  His low voice bounced off of the emptied glass enclosures and echoed throughout the museum.

He returned to his betrothed and took his place with her under the altar.  He awaited the gibbon’s blessings, frowned when he did not receive them, and then pried the holy book from the animal’s cold hands to read from it himself.

The groom cleared his throat nervously and wiped the sweat off of his forehead.  “Dearly beloved.”

He stopped and took a deep breath.

“Dearly beloved: we are gathered here today to celebrate–”  A surge of nausea swept over him.  He closed the Bible.

Moonlight poured through the large windows and illuminated the faces of the invitees.

The human, standing before a sea of statues, decided to speak his mind.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate our kinship.  We are gathered to celebrate our kinship,” he repeated for emphasis, “because, in today’s world, each human is an island; because my mother cares for me no more than my co-workers do; because people ignore each other on the subway.  Love is but a game of cards we play to distract ourselves from the unrelenting ennui of our daily lives.  Win some, lose some – It’s all the same.

“Everything is so horribly fickle, but we eat it all up so willingly.  This great city is populated by a mass of walking and talking museums.  Each dinner, each movie, each fuck is awarded its own habitat.”

Bob beat his fist on his breast.  He was stronger now.

“And they are be well-maintained habitats at that.”

He inhaled deeply.

“My friends, we are gathered here today to witness a real marriage of two very real individuals.”

Bob turned to his intended and produced a silver ring he had purchased at a stoop sale for two dollars and fifty cents.  On it, Claudia was inscribed.

The groom’s words were smooth and rehearsed.  “This ring is a token of my love.  I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am.”

He took her hoof gently with his free hand and tried slipping the band onto it, but to no avail.

Bob glared determinately at the ring, then at the doe, and then back at the ring in sincere contemplation.  He did this for quite a while before he fell to the floor with a pained sigh.

But wait!  Maybe…

The human pounded the dainty piece of jewelry against his bride’s foot.  Hard.  Then her ankle.  Then her thigh.  Her neck.  The side of her face.

No.  It had all made sense in his head.  His darling’s fur was disheveled, and bruises decorated her figure.

Bob’s knuckles stung; so did his quiet tears.  He flung the wedlock’s consummation across the dark hall.  It tottered aggressively, but only for a moment, before becoming inanimate once more.

 

 

A Prayer for Elizabeth

 

Scene 1

(Scene opens. JULIAN is sitting at a desk in his empty bedroom there is a stack of books and a pair of headphones on the floor)

 

JULIAN

Dear Elizabeth. I had a crap day at school today. Some moron bumped into me after I got my lunch and my tuna salad spilled all over my shirt. The Grateful Dead one with the stripes. I was gonna throw it out anyway because the skulls scared Amy. Amy’s a grown ass woman and she can’t handle a skull? But like whatever, I’ll get a new one. I’ll get twelve new ones. I’ll buy every single fucking skull shirt just to piss off Amy.

 

(JULIAN kicks his headphones on the ground)

 

(The stage goes dark, the light goes up to CLAIRE in an empty room kneeling with her hands clasped looking up)

 

CLAIRE

Dear God. I am asking for your forgiveness. I missed church this morning.

 

(CLAIRE looks down sorrowfully, then looks back up)

 

CLAIRE

But in my defense it was for an entirely worthy cause! You see, last night there was a boy, a very troubled boy, my neighbor actually, he was in an unhealthy state of… intoxication and he needed to find his way home. When I had returned home after bringing him back safely, It was very late and I forgot to set my alarm and by the time I had awoken from my post-rescue slumber my family had already left for church.

(CLAIRE takes a deep breath)

I realize that my actions were unjustifiable, but all I can ask for now is forgiveness. God bless that boy’s poor soul. And his family’s too. God bless Mother, Father and Gregory. In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen.

 

Scene 2

(the scene opens with JULIAN, AMY and CARSON sitting around a table)

 

AMY

Julian, elbows off the table.

 

(Julian looks up, and then back down while his elbows remain on the table)

 

AMY

Julian, did you hear me?

 

JULIAN

Yes Amy, I heard you.

 

CARSON

Then why are your elbows on the damn table?

 

(AMY rests her hand on CARSON’s shoulder to calm him. JULIAN removes his elbows from the table)

 

CARSON

You weren’t at church today.

 

(JULIAN shrugs)

 

JULIAN

I overslept.

 

AMY

It’s never too late to reach out to God.

 

JULIAN

Bullshit.

 

AMY

Julian! Carson, how can you sit by and allow this behavior?

 

CARSON

Julian, go to your room.

 

JULIAN

Gladly.

 

(JULIAN stands and pushes his chair out of way)

 

AMY

Make your bed and tidy up the living room, will you? We’re having dinner guests.

 

(JULIAN exits)

 

AMY (calling after JULIAN)

The living room is that way!

 

(AMY points stage left, then rolls her eyes. AMY stands and pushes in her chair)

 

CARSON

Dinner guests?

 

AMY
Robert, Janette and their children. Carson sweetie we already went over this!

 

PAUSE

 

AMY

I’ll be in the kitchen doing the dishes. Talk to your child, please?

 

(CARSON and AMY exit in different directions)

 

Scene 3

 

(JULIAN is sitting at a desk holding a journal)

 

JULIAN

Dear Elizabeth, It’s March 27th. Exactly two and a half years since you died. 21,914 hours.

(Pause)

I haven’t slept in days. Last night, I was lying in bed, and I shut my eyes, and I cried. I cried because I miss you. I cried because I need you and because I’m hurting. I cried because (BEAT) sometimes I think you wanted us to get hurt. I cried because you didn’t love us-me, you didn’t love me enough to stay. I cried because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do, Elizabeth.

 

(The stage does dark, the light raises on CLAIRE on the ground with her hands clasped)

 

CLAIRE

Dear God, it’s March 27th. Exactly 11 days since I got my braces off. 264 hours. I was the last one in the 9th grade to have their braces off, but I have interpreted that as a sign. You were testing my patience, and I remained faithful, even in my darkest hour when I almost bit Dr. Kalswell. Thank you for blessing me with beautiful teeth, if only the same would happen with Gregory. God bless his youthful soul. God bless mother, and father and the great state of Ohio!

 

Scene 4

(The scene opens with a dimly lit room with a long table stage right. CARSON is sitting at the head of table. ROBERT, JULIAN and GREGORY are sitting on the left side of the table, JANETTE, CLAIRE and AMY are sitting on the left side. They are eating.)

 

ROBERT

Amy, this very well might be the best roast beef in all of Columbus.

 

JANETTE

You’re gonna have to fight me for that title!

 

(Laughter)

 

AMY

Thank you Robert. It’s always a pleasure to have you and your family over. Isn’t it Carson?

 

CARSON

Um, yes yes. Lovely company. Robert, have you finalized that deal with the Roger’s?

 

ROBERT

I’m trying. But with a bit more urgency this time. After we lost the big sale in Cleveland-

 

JANETTE

Business is not for the table.

 

(JANETTE adjusts the napkin on her lap)

 

JANETTE

Julian, look at how you’ve matured! Is that facial hair, I see?

 

(JULIAN looks down. CARSON, ROBERT, JANETTE and AMY laugh)

 

AMY

You would see him more if he left his room and went to church. You know, Julian, you would have liked last week’s sermon.

 

ROBERT

Ladies, can’t you see you’re embarrassing the poor boy?

 

JANETTE

I remember when you were just a little boy and you used to have that grand swing set in your yard! Can you believe it’s been four years since we moved?

 

ROBERT

Four wonderful years!

 

CARSON

Has it really been so long?

 

ROBERT

Well we reconnected after Elizabeth-

 

JANETTE

Robert!

 

CARSON (softly)

No, no it’s alright.

 

AMY

Julian, how about you show Gregory and Claire your bedroom? (to ROBERT) he has lots of fun posters.

 

(JULIAN looks at CARSON, sighs and then stands, pushes in his chair and begins to exit)

 

JULIAN (to GREGORY and CLAIRE)

You coming?

 

(GREGORY, CLAIRE and JULIAN exit)

 

ROBERT

Carson I didn’t mean to-

 

CARSON

No, no it’s alright. She was always a big hit with dinner guests. I don’t know if you remember but five years ago, we hosted a new years party. She bought a karaoke machine and the two of us belted out Elton John the whole night long.

 

(AMY stands and removes two plates from the table. JANETTE stands)

 

JANETTE

Amy let me give you a hand with those dishes.

 

AMY

Oh, thank you.

 

JANETTE

Now, you just have to tell me where you got those shoes! I haven’t seen pumps like those since my college years!

 

(AMY and JANETTE continue their conversation silently while walking stage left. The light shifts to CARSON and ROBERT)

 

ROBERT

I like her.

 

CARSON

Pardon?

 

ROBERT

Amy, the girl, I like her. She’s a keeper.

 

CARSON

Yeah, shes great. Plus she makes a mean roast beef!

 

ROBERT

She’s also easy on the eyes

 

(ROBERT and CARSON laugh)

 

ROBERT

So, you haven’t made it official?

 

CARSON

What?

 

ROBERT

You know, I don’t see a ring

 

CARSON

Oh, well we haven’t really thought too much about-

 

ROBERT

Don’t get me wrong, it’s just that you two have been living together for almost a year now. Right?

 

CARSON

Yeah, it’s just that…I guess I don’t think we’re ready.

 

ROBERT

It’s the sex, isn’t it?

 

CARSON

What? No. – I mean

 

ROBERT

You can be honest, I won’t judge. God won’t judge.

 

CARSON

What’s this God bullshit coming out of your mouth? You haven’t gone to church since the stone age. (PAUSE) And the fact of the matter is, I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment. I mean (PAUSE) marriage? It just feels too soon.

 

ROBERT

Elizabeth has been gone for what; 3 years?

 

CARSON

Two and a half. Exactly two and half, this day.

 

ROBERT

Do you hear yourself Carson? You’re stuck in the past. Now I know this is not my place, but hear me out when I say that the girl won’t stick around much longer if she knows theres not gonna be any commitment.

 

CARSON

I didn’t say there wasn’t gonna be commitment, I just said not yet.

 

ROBERT

You’re just scared.

 

CARSON

Don’t tell me how I feel. I’m not scared, I’m just not …ready, alright?

 

ROBERT

Fine, fine. I’m just saying, a single man of your age, it’s difficult to find a decent woman

 

CARSON

You did pretty well yourself with Janette.

 

ROBERT

Oh shes wonderful, until she blows all my money on stretching out her forehead and making her mouth bigger.

 

(They laugh)

 

ROBERT

But seriously, if she wants get herself a job and spend her own money on those colorful powder sets, be my guest! But my money? Hell, I have a family to provide for!

 

CARSON

Women, (sigh) truly a species of their own.

 

Scene 5

 

(ROBERT is sitting on the bed. CLAIRE is sitting on the ground holding a poster. JULIAN is lying on the ground with his headphones in, listening to music)

 

CLAIRE (to JULIAN)

You call these fun posters?

 

(CLAIRE holds up a Led Zeppelin poster. JULIAN removes his headphones)

 

JULIAN

It’s vintage

 

CLAIRE

It’s ugly

 

JULIAN

You just don’t know good music

 

CLAIRE

I know plenty of good music

 

JULIAN

You’re young and seemingly uncultured.

 

CLAIRE

You have no right to speak to me that way!

 

(CLAIRE folds her arms)

 

JULIAN

Listen little girl, if your gonna throw a fit I’ll gladly show you the door

 

CLAIRE

Your parents would not be pleased to hear of your lack of hospitality.

 

JULIAN

(mockingly) ‘My parents’ don’t give a shit as to how ‘hospitable’ I am.

 

CLAIRE

With language like that it’s no wonder I don’t see you at church.

 

JULIAN

You’re one of those Jesus freaks?

 

CLAIRE

Jesus freaks? You can’t call me that just because I don’t waste my life with alcohol like you.

 

(JULIAN sits up, and looks to GREGORY)

 

JULIAN (to CLAIRE)

Keep it down, will ya?

 

CLAIRE (to GREGORY)

Gregory, will you help mother with the dishes?

 

GREGORY

But I don’t want to

 

CLAIRE

Gregory, dishes. now.

 

GREGORY

But I-

 

CLAIRE

Gregory when you go to hell because you wouldn’t help the woman who gave you the gift of life-

 

GREGORY

Fine. But I’m telling mother that you yelled at me

 

(GREGORY exits before CLAIRE gets a chance to respond)

 

CLAIRE

He can be so annoying sometimes. Like people need to learn not to talk back to-

 

JULIAN

You’re not going to tell anyone.

 

CLAIRE

What?

 

JULIAN

Tell anyone about our run-in last night and I swear to God I will find you and-

 

CLAIRE

And what? I don’t even think you remember what happened last night because you were too busy regurgitating everything ever on to my new blouse. Just saying. Plus, you should be thanking me for practically saving your life.

 

JULIAN

Saving my life?

 

(JULIAN laughs)

 

CLAIRE

It’s not a joking matter! You could have had alcohol poisoning and died! And no one could have been there to save your dying soul.

 

JULIAN

What do you know about alcohol poisoning? Better yet- what do you know about soul? What are you, eleven?

 

CLAIRE

I’m a petite fifteen! And I refused to be treated unjustly due to my appearance.

 

JULIAN

Listen, kid. You stay out of my business and I’ll stay out of yours-

 

JANETTE (from off stage)

Claire, come down sweetie. It’s time to go.

 

CLAIRE

Well this has been pleasant

 

(CLAIRE exits)

 

JULIAN (calling after CLAIRE)

Wait, kid! Um, Claire! We never made our agreement.

 

Getting Ready

Characters:

TRUMAN – A senior in high school who is in the middle of a pre-college crisis. He is struggling to find a true sense of independence.

DIANE – A sophomore in high school who witnesses Truman’s crisis unfold and lets him take up as much space as he needs to. She is a caring sister who is surprisingly wiser and more mature than her brother.

(We see TRUMAN fixing his hair in the bathroom. DIANE enters and bangs on the bathroom door with her umbrella.)

DIANE

Hey, Truman. Are you in there?

TRUMAN

No.

DIANE

Come on, it’s raining like crazy outside.

TRUMAN

Sorry.

DIANE

Are you still getting ready?

TRUMAN

Don’t come in.

DIANE

Mom and Dad say we have to go now.

TRUMAN

I’m not ready.

DIANE

Your hair looks fine.

TRUMAN

Let me fix it.

DIANE

Shouldn’t I be the one who takes an hour to get ready?

TRUMAN

I don’t know. Should you?

DIANE

Look, I’m coming in there and–

TRUMAN

You better not. I’m taking a shit in here.

DIANE

You just said you were fixing your hair.

TRUMAN

I can multitask.

DIANE

I don’t buy it. I’m going in.

(DIANE enters the bathroom.)

DIANE

Just as I thought. Bravo.

TRUMAN

You’re so annoying. Get out.

DIANE

No, you’re the annoying one. I’m hungry. I want pizza. Your hair looks fine.

TRUMAN

Just let me fix it.

DIANE

What’s the special occasion?

TRUMAN

None of your business, Diane. Go back outside.

DIANE

No! Tell me now or else I’m calling Mom and Dad and they’ll ask you about your personal issues instead.

TRUMAN

Fine. Emily is going to be at the pizza place celebrating Charlie’s birthday.

DIANE

And if you come in there with fantastic hair, she’ll take one look at you– her fifth grade boyfriend– and dump Charlie right then and there, on his birthday and everything. Because she can’t hide her love for you any longer.

TRUMAN

Very funny.

DIANE

Seriously, Truman. You need to get real here.

TRUMAN

I can’t get real here.

DIANE

Why do you still think about Emily?

TRUMAN

Because we’re perfect for each other.

DIANE

Don’t give me any bullshit.

TRUMAN

Well, it’s true. She lives right across the street and her dad and our dad have played golf together for years.

DIANE

And you want Dad’s approval, so if you date Emily then you think you’ll get it.

TRUMAN

Maybe.

DIANE

(pointing her umbrella at him and tapping his shoulder with it) I knew it.

TRUMAN

(pushing the umbrella away from his shoulder) He was proud of me in fifth grade, when I was so good at baseball and wore that Penn sweatshirt every day.

DIANE

But now he’s not.

TRUMAN

And it sucks, but I don’t want to go to Penn. I shouldn’t have to go. Brown is a great school, too.

DIANE

I agree. Why should it matter?

TRUMAN

It shouldn’t, but it does to Dad. Apparently, if I went to Brown, then I wouldn’t be “keeping up his legacy.”

DIANE

So you think if you do some of the things you did in fifth grade then you’ll win him over again? Even though Dad’s been dead set on you going to the same school he went to since you could walk, you think that if you get a new girlfriend that he likes, all his disappointment in you will be magically washed away.

TRUMAN

Pretty pathetic when you put it like that, isn’t it?

DIANE

Yeah, so will you quit this Emily bullshit? Just go to Penn if you’re really that desperate for Dad to be proud of you again.

TRUMAN

But I should stick to my principles, right?

DIANE

Right.

TRUMAN

Even if Dad hates me for it?

DIANE

Oh my God, Truman. It’s time to build a bridge and get over yourself, my friend. Make a choice.

TRUMAN

I don’t know. I don’t have a lot of time before I have to either accept Penn or Brown.

DIANE

Honestly, if that’s your biggest problem in life then you’re doing just fine.

TRUMAN

Well, I’d like to see how you handle this in a couple of years.

DIANE

Trust me. I will never have to handle this.

TRUMAN

Seriously–

DIANE

Just make a decision. Follow your heart. I want pizza. Can’t you think about this later?

TRUMAN

(sarcastic) Wow, impressive. I have it all figured out now. You should be a shrink.

DIANE

Actually, I did psychoanalyze you quite well, especially given that it only took me a minute to catch on to what your crisis is this time.

TRUMAN

What’s “this time” supposed to mean?

DIANE

Nothing. You just take up a lot of space sometimes. But that’s okay. We love you for it.

TRUMAN

What?

DIANE

Anyway, you know it’s not Emily anymore.

TRUMAN

Wait. Can you repeat what you just said before? About me taking up a lot of space?

DIANE

I didn’t mean it like that.

TRUMAN

It’s fine. I’m not asking because I’m mad at you for saying it. I just want to know what you meant.

DIANE

Okay. I mean that you’re debating between Penn and Brown because Daddy wants you to go to Penn but you’re leaning toward Brown. Some people are worried about getting into any college at all– like me– so you should be happy about getting into two Ivy League schools.

TRUMAN

You’re going to get into college.

DIANE

Well maybe I’m not. Dad never told me that he wanted me to go to Penn because he knows that I would never be able to get in.

TRUMAN

That’s not true. I think it’s just different with daughters, that’s all.

DIANE

No, that’s not it. I’m not smart.

TRUMAN

That’s not true. You’re smarter than me right now because you’re able to help me solve my problems when I can’t even figure it out.

DIANE

But I don’t get good grades. I’m not really good at much, to be honest. So that’s why he doesn’t put pressure on me like he does with you.

TRUMAN

Believe me, you don’t want Dad putting pressure on you.

DIANE

Not saying that I do, but I would trade with you in a second. Your problem isn’t as big as you think it is.

TRUMAN

True.

DIANE

All you have to do is get some independence. And that’s easy for an eighteen-year-old guy to do.

TRUMAN

I guess so.

DIANE

So just try to do the right thing. And I know we both know what that is.

TRUMAN

What is it?

DIANE

You’re not a fifth grader who’s going to be satisfied as long as Dad is proud of him. You’re a senior in high school now and you’re going to be great out there. It’s your life so you’ve gotta take control.

TRUMAN

Thanks. I know you’re right.

DIANE

Me too.

TRUMAN

I’m going to Brown. But hey, forget about me. You wanted pizza, right?

DIANE

You don’t even know.

TRUMAN

Yeah, let’s focus on you now.

(TRUMAN and DIANE exit.)

Up In The Air

I have trouble getting my dresser drawers open these days. I have trouble opening the doors in my house, putting my clothes on, picking things up, basically doing anything that requires getting a grip on something; physically and/or emotionally. It’s probably because I’ve just been so sad. The saddest I’ve been in a while. So sad that I can’t complete everyday tasks. It’s like my emotions have just stopped varying and I’m only feeling one way all the time, and I know that’s not human. I could try to fix it, but the problem is I can’t remember why I feel like this in the first place.

Did I ever know why? Was there ever a reason? The past few days have been a blur and I can’t seem to stay in sync with my surroundings anymore. What’s wrong with me?

This morning I waste a good ten seconds of my time to get my drawer open, twenty-two seconds put on my clothes and get ready to go to school. I’m too upset to talk to anyone, even my parents, but that’s okay because they’ve been ignoring me too. It’s like they don’t even notice me, but that’s also okay, because I can tell they’re sad about something too. Last month a close friend of my parents’ moved away. My dad got over it quickly, but Mom was really sad about it. When my mom is sad, she isolates herself from reality. I’m almost positive she was beginning to get over it, but who knows? She could have shifted back into the depression at any point without my knowledge. Why on earth could that be? Does she not know why either? Are we experiencing the same thing? This thought hasn’t crossed my mind before so I go up to my mom, who is sitting glumly at the dining room table, reading the paper.

“Mom,” I say, taking my chances. I know she won’t respond but I’m a little more eager to get some answers from her this time, so I press on.

“Mom,” I plead, but as expected, she looks up from the paper, sighs, briefly buries her head in her hands and continues reading the whatever depressing news is in today.

I get the door open after four tries, (a new record,) and go to the bus stop. God, I’m such a mess.

I wait for the bus along with all the other talkative students in my school, but none of them are talking to me. Not even Lucy and Ben. They don’t even see me. They aren’t even talking to each other, they’re just sitting next to each other with their faces sad and their fingers intertwined. When I think I’m too close to them, I back away, because we had a fight last week and I bet they’re still mad at me. I still am a little annoyed with them, but my boyfriend and girlfriend best friends are looking sadder than I’ve ever seen them, and it breaks my heart regardless. Suddenly, Lucy takes out her phone and unlocks it, revealing the picture that we took at Georgiana’s sweet sixteen. She glances at it and then buries her face into Ben’s shoulder. Ben kisses her on the forehead and rubs her back. I never thought they would be that sorry. Just to play hard to get, I leave the premises. The bus approaches and I go up the stairs behind a few other kids.

I watch as they insert their MetroCards, retrieve them and find a seat. As I am about to do the same, the girl behind me shoves me to the side and away from the paying area. I can tell she didn’t see me, but she didn’t react at all. I soon realize that this girl is Ariel Winters, who has hated me since sixth grade. However, I still think it’s weird that she didn’t glare at me afterwards. No one saw it happen, so I sneak my way towards the rest of the seats, because who doesn’t want a free bus ride? The peculiar thing is the bus driver doesn’t notice either, which makes me feel uneasy, but even so, I sit down on the cold, blue bus seat.

I get to school and head to my first class, an acting class for all the seniors rehearsing an audition for Juilliard in the drama department. I’ve been working on my monologues for weeks and the auditions are next weekend. According to Ms. Tristan, I couldn’t be more prepared, and she said last week that she’s going to try to focus on everybody else since they need more help than I do. Even so, Ms. Tristan always makes sure everybody has their turn by the end of the class period.

I walk in and sit down. I’m the first one there, even before Ms. Tristan. Ms. Tristan always comes after everyone is here. A group of my classmates come in talking, and among them is Damien, my crush since middle school. I know he doesn’t like me back, because I got one of our mutual friends to subtly ask him in seventh grade, so that’s been taken care of. I never stopped liking him, though. He never really talks to me, but we exchange our pleases and thank yous when holding the door or undergoing other everyday exchanges. We don’t have any kind of relationship at all, which saddens me every time I think about it.

Everyone is finally in the room, but nobody sits down until Ms. Tristan comes in with her iPad and red horn-rimmed glasses perched on the tip of her upturned nose.

“Settle down, settle down,” she says with her uppity, theatery tone of voice. “I suppose you’ve all memorized your pieces and are ready to perform them in tip top shape, yes?”

The class lets out a disgruntled mix of yeahs and ehs. Damien sits down next to me in one of the chairs that is organized in the semi-circle. I smile to myself since his chair is unusually close to mine.

“Marcus, remind me when your audition is?” Ms. Tristan asks.

“The eleventh,” Marcus replied. “Nine thirty.”

A thought strikes me. That’s when my audition is. January eleventh at nine thirty. The first one of the day. He can’t have my same time. That’s impossible. I must have read the date wrong. I’ll have to check the website.

“Alright, Clarissa. Give us your first one.”

Clarissa stands up, goes to the middle of the circular choir room and performs her monologue. Eventually everyone does their pieces but Ms. Tristan never calls on me. She told me last week that she wouldn’t work as hard with me, but she would still ask me to perform during class. The period ends and I sadly leave the choir room without having done my monologues. I wind up walking out next to Damien. I go to open the door for him. As far as I know, the door knob is in my hand and I am smiling my politest smile, but I don’t realize that the door is still closed until Damien brushes past me to open it. I sigh and go through the door after him.

I don’t understand how my sadness interrupts my daily actions this much. It’s quite annoying, but being annoyed saddens me even more. It isn’t even that I’m capable of feeling another way. When I try to be in another mood, it’s like I stop in my tracks and turn back around.

By second period, I decide I’m too out of it to trudge through a day of school. I can usually push through a Monday, but there’s something about today that is just too exhausting. My sadness is almost so tiring that I can barely stay alive. After math, I go straight home. It’s not like I get good grades anyway. I can see there’s no point in me being here.

I get home and I see my parents are asleep. I decide to lock myself in my room and practice my monologues. I finish the first one, but then I remember what Marcus said about his audition date.

I run to my computer and pull up the Juilliard website. I go to the page where they list all the names and dates of the applicants in chronological order. I skim the list three or four times and I don’t see my name. I feel the anxiety and fear rising up inside of me, mixed with my sadness. I don’t feel this way only because my name has miraculously disappeared from the application list, but because now I remember what happened two days go. I remember why everything has been so off since that fateful day, and why I’ve been so sad and invisible. Two days ago was the car crash. I hear the doorbell ring, but I stay where I am. Why should I answer the door if I’m just a ghost?

 

 

An Address to Remember

While the big kids were hunting, gathering food, and making shelters, I sat all alone alone on the deserted beach. Huge waves were crashing down, just like the tears on my smooth face. I was not at home. I was nowhere near home. Did anyone know where we were? The hope of rescue seemed… not possible now, since there was a lurking beast that was probably destined to eat all of the boys, including me, Percival Wemys Madison. The Vicarage, Harcourt St. Anthonys, Hants, telephone, telephone, tele-. I always forgot the telephone number. But what good use was it anyhow, stranded with no connection to home sweet home? All I remembered of home was the address. Not even how my house looked, where it was, or who my parents were. Nothing.

I sat, scrunched up so that my face was squeezed next to my knees. My shorts were in bits and pieces, barely covering my privates. My shirt, filled with rips and holes, did not keep me warm from harsh cold winds that were blowing. I lied down, eyes trying to shut, mind trying to remember what home was like. I heard a noise. It was not one of the big boys, whose names did not stick like my address, but a monster. The beast?! I thought to myself. An uneasy feeling went through me, my stomach ached and rumbled. Was this the end? Was the beast going to eat me alive? I pondered these questions and tried to think of happier thoughts.

Although very afraid, I picked up my head from the ground, looked up to see a creature lurking from the water. Whatever it was, it was something like the beast everybody had been chattering about. I didn’t know what to do. Was I to run away and let the boys know? What if the beast followed me and found the rest of the boys? I ran, but my little legs only took me so far. I kept going, not wanting to be taken away by this horrid figure. The fat boy, the one that they all hated, was the first boy I saw. I had to tell him. He seemed knowledgeable, and if I didn’t tell someone, this beast was going to haunt my dreams that would be soon become nightmares.

Although extremely fat, this boy, whatever his name was, was nice enough to listen to what I had to say and didn’t treat me like I was some little boy who couldn’t do anything or didn’t know anything. I could do stuff, I knew stuff! Fatty, as I now remembered, was stunned to hear what I said. He was in shock, but he believed me and didn’t laugh at what I saw.

I looked around after Fatty had left me and saw that he and the chief conversed for a while, and suddenly I saw the conch. I don’t know why, but the conch in this moment reminded me of home… Some noise I would hear every hour… What was it? Everything was unclear except for my address; Percival Wemys Madison. The Vicarage, Harcourt St. Anthonys, Hants, telephone, telephone, tele-. This was a sign that a meeting was going to be soon, and I didn’t know how this was going to go. I hoped to tell all the boys about how I saw the beast coming out of the water, but I would probably get humiliated by them. This is because I’m just some younger kid who is afraid of a huge beast that they are all probably afraid of inside but are too wimpy to show it on the outside. They are big, tall, some were fat and others were skinny but they towered over me. Maybe they were the real beast. Was it a boy just lurking out of the ocean? I thought for a quick second. I shrugged my shoulders and waited for the night meeting to begin.

The sound of the conch, loud, was beginning to become unpleasant after hearing it so many times. This was the first meeting I was somewhat nervous about and was the first one during the nighttime. If Fatty told them about what I saw they’d probably all laugh at me in great disbelief. I knew it even now before it happened. But I saw something–I know I did! And what else is huge and comes out of the water from nowhere? All the big boys gathered along and sat where they wanted to, and I sat with some other younger kids, barely being seen with the thick grass that was very tall, blocking some of our vision.

After Ralph tried to discuss many things, they finally brought up the beast. Fatty signalled that I was the boy who said something and there was already a little laughing from the boys. Younger boys around me furiously pushed me and I stood knee-deep in the central grass, trying to look at my hidden feet.

Ralph asked me, “What’s your name?”

I didn’t want to answer. Then Fatty asked me the same question, “What’s your name?”

Again, I didn’t answer. Because of the silence, the big boys around me broke into a chant saying “What’s your name? What’s your name?” I was very intimidated. Why did everybody care about my name? I bet they did not know any of the other small kids name. They didn’t seem to care about us… But finally, I said it.

“Percival Wemys Madison. The Vicarage, Harcourt St. Anthonys, Hants, telephone, telephone, tele-” After saying this, the thought of home made me weep. Tears ran down my face faster than they had ever, and my face puckered. Even when one of the boys shouted shut up, I would not shut up! My tears kept flowing and my crying continued caused by the thought of home. Much laughter came from the boys during this. Next, they kept asking me about where I saw the beast, so I told them: from the water. This also caused an uproar and by the end of this all, I had given up. I sat back down on my log, my place in society, and tears did not flow anymore. I smiled to myself, hoping that I could one day be back at that address. Reciting the few words of my address yet again, I forgot the large island I was on filled with frightening barbaric boys. My address made my tears of fear and sadness into tears of joy; my address was the one thing that made me think we would be rescued from this place one day. Luckily this address was one that I would never forget, so that hope always stayed in me, until the very last moment I spent on that island.

Forced Poem

How do you write a poem?

I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing

Do I just keep hitting the return key after every sentence?

Is a line break between two stanzas like a paragraph?

So anyway,

Poems are really ridiculous.

I don’t see it as writing

Even though it technically is

Because

Doing

Things

Like

This

Is somehow allowed

And I can,

for some reason,

write

LIKE THIS

    and        make thewordsdowhateverIwant         them to do

AND I Can Make Every Word Start With A Capital Letter

or a lowercase letter

and I can start every

“Sentence” with some odd word

that would usually give me a headache

Due to lack of proper grammar

Which most poems have

I can shape it

With patterns

an

d

Have letters in different p l a c e s

I! Can! Also; place pointless…punctuation?

Even if it doesn’t

re

ally

fit

 

“I know that writing is about creativity”

And let me tell you

Poetry is creativity

‘But’

In my opinion

It’s creative in a bad way’

The only way that creativity can be bad

and I feel as if

it takes

more

to

Write a story,

Whether it be a short one;

Like a short story,

Or a long one;

Such as a novel,

{{Because every word needs to make sense}}

And stories are more powerful and touching and motivating

Or not motivating!

And stories can impact someone’s life –

Especially when the reader finds a connection with one or more of the characters

Especially if the author also

finds a connection

With one or more their characters

But poems:

Are just moments,

That the reader,

In my opinion

Can’t take away from

Or learn from

And I have proof:

I have never been motivated

Or touched!

Or changed!

By a poem

 

And I’m sorry if you’re insulted by this!

But,

according to poets

Poetry is about expressing yourself…

And I’m doing just that

I’m expressing how I feel

 

I’ve been told that my writing is poetic –

(But I don’t agree)

Because I hate that word

Because it can mean so many

things

 

[Technically]

I could say that this is poetic

{and}

I could say that the most

Heartfelt and amazing simile or metaphor

Is also poetic

And both

Are completely different things

 

Sure

I could type up one or two

Really good “poetic” lines

And ?it could be considered a poem

The lines don’t! even have to relate

As I’ve noticed in times before when reading other poems

And hearing other poems

And it would be an amazing poem

If that’s even possible

But why would I do that

If I could use those lines in a story?

Where the lines are taken to heart

Where the reader carries those lines with them

Where they associate that line with a character

And where it means something more than just a        really good line

Tired From Tomorrow

Today feels like Yesterday. Tomorrow

I presume will imitate Today.

Today never was going to be promising.

So was Yesterday.

Tomorrow doesn’t look bright.

 

The sun was on time.

Today was not ready. Nor was I,

I envied Yesterday, who would find the

deepest of slumber for all of tomorrow.

Today and I mourned for Yesterday

And Tomorrow patiently waited for the sun.

Hidden Worlds

All my life I have loved being outdoors.  I loved the rain and the winds.  I loved the dew in the morning with little rainbows glittering all around.  And even though it scared me, I loved the feeling of risk being out in the wilderness.  Something feels complete about me when I’m running wild.  I thought it was perfect out in the woods, and that nature was not affected by the big bad world.  I childishly thought nothing could disrupt or harm nature.

I have always loved the mountains.  Their long graceful shapes climbing upwards to the sky.  The wilderness of trees that stretches across them like a long flowing cloak.  Their gray rocky peaks that just touch the clouds.  They are just so massive and old, they have seen so many years pass.  I feel like they watch over me when I’m out in the wilderness.  When I look up at the mountains, there always seems to be something more to them, something hidden in those shadowy woods.  Something magic.

One day I was hiking up the notoriously muddy Mt. Animus with my family.  It was a stormy day, and dark mist rose above my head and spiraled through the treetops.  The deep purple of the sky turned everything to shadows and made the bright greens of the forest a dark, droopy grey.  The air hung heavy on my shoulders as I hiked upwards.  I was a little bit behind my sunny-blond brother who was racing up ahead.  Whenever I scrambled over a slippery blue moss-covered rock, I could see his golden head bobbing in front of me like a lantern in the night.  My parents were a little bit behind me, the heavy fog slowing them down.

I had been taking photographs with my little red plastic camera.  Last night’s constant drizzle had woken up the world.  Fiery orange mushrooms sprung up from the sponge-like ground, and sky blue lichen was bouncing out at me from all sides of the trail like a whimsical pop-up book.  The small bright flash of my camera brought out the colors in the ground, but most of these little wonders were hidden under drooping ferns.  I had to search along the sides of the dirt trail for sparks of brightness in the spongy mud.

Over the course of the hike the fog started to thicken and swirl like homemade whipped cream.  It became increasingly difficult to move and beads of sweat started clinging to the tip of my nose.  My camera fogged up, and my smile turned into a grumble as my wildlife pictures became increasingly blurry.  I wondered how far it was to the summit.

Water droplets started sliding down my glasses bursting into disorienting rainbows whenever I took a photograph.  I took my glasses off to wipe the layer of steam that had accumulated on them, when out of the corner off my eye I saw one of my favorite plants.  “Indian Pipes” are peculiar creamy white plants shaped like clay pipes.  Everyone thinks they are some kind of mushroom, but they are normal plants without the sparkle of green.  They have no chlorophyll inside of them to photosynthesize and create sugars.  Instead they soak up nutrients from the earth.  I love them because they are different from the plants we see every day.

I walked over to a little patch of Indian Pipes just to the left of the trail.  They had sprouted in a perfect circle, which didn’t seem natural to me.  Still, it would make for a good picture.  As I crouched down next to them, I slipped on some wet moss and my precious camera went flying.

“You okay Colly?” came my little brother’s voice from up ahead.

Grumbling I got to my feet.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said grumpily, “But I can’t find my camera.  Could I have some help?  I can’t see a thing with this mist!”

And with that my little lantern came bobbing into view.  But even his wide sapphire eyes couldn’t find my camera.  We searched until Mom and Dad came into view, when I stopped.

“It’s no use!” I cried despairingly, “It’s gone!”

I threw my hands down, accidentally brushing against one of the odd little Indian Pipes and the world faded to black…


When I woke up the world was a blaze of light and the air was clean and dry.  I didn’t open my eyes, but the brightness cast an orange glow through my eyelids.  I felt warmth wash over me and good smells overwhelmed all other senses.  Could that possibly be cookies baking?

I was about to crack open my eyes and ask if I could have a cookie or two, when common sense got in the way.  Wait a moment, I thought, I’d been in the woods.  And this was definitely not Mt. Animus.  A wave of terror crashed over me like ice-cold water.  Where was I?  Had I been abducted?  Kidnapped?  Where was my family?  After terror came panic.  What on earth was going to happen to me?

Then came wonderful clarity.  This situation couldn’t be too awful if cookies were involved.  I cracked open one eye, then another.  I was in a round room with walls the color of fresh cream.  The smell was wafting through a spherical doorway in front of me that strangely started a couple feet above the ground, and the light was coming from straight behind me.

        Suddenly a loud chatter burst out behind my head and the light started vibrating and bouncing around the walls.  I jumped with a start and turned to face something I had never seen before.  The creature standing, no floating, in front of me was a glowing, vibrating humanoid.  The creature was floating inside a little bubble of brightness.  After I got over the shock of the beautiful bubble, I stared in awe at the bizarre creature inside.  It had a small rotund body with wonderful wide eyes, just like my brothers, but neon green.  Small feet stuck out beneath it, although I didn’t know what it could possibly use them for since it seemed to be able to fly.  Similarly sized arms poked out from it’s sides.  It had huge half-moon ears, like a koala, and what appeared to be whiskers sitting atop a little wet heart-shaped nose.  Immediately I knew it could do me no harm, although I couldn’t understand a thing it was saying.

        “Excuse me,” I said clearly and politely, “But I can’t make out what you’re saying.  Do you speak English perhaps?  Or Latin?  I think I can make out a couple sentences in Latin.”

        It cocked it’s head at me, which sent its whole body cartwheeling sideways.  Then it started to speak in a very squeaky, high voice.

        “Apologies for my confusion young miss, I was speaking Lenape.  The last visitor we had spoke Lenape, and a kind fellow was he.  You, on the other hand, appear to speak English.  Good language, English.  But I can’t keep all those pronouns straight.”

        It spoke very quickly and when it was finished I stood in awe.  This little glowing orb spoke English!  It blinked twice then continued, “My name is Phyll spelled P-H-Y-L-L.  My good name is short for Chlorophyll.”  He gave a little bow, which sent him rolling forwards in a summersault.

“Nice to meet you,” I responded, in a shaky voice, “I’m Colly.  Spelled C-O-L-L-Y.  Short for Oecologia.”

“My that’s a pretty name,” he said cheerfully, “Colly reminds me of cauliflower.  Cauliflower is food.  Food reminds me of sugar.  Sugar is sweet.”  And he went on making strange comments like this for quite a while.

“How did I get here?” I interrupted all of the sudden.

“Ahh…” said Phyll calming down, twitching his whiskers and giving me a sideways look, “I knew one as young and curious as you would eventually ask.  Before I tell you, where do you think you are?”

I glared at him, infuriated, “How am I supposed to know?!  I was in the woods with my family near this lovely little bunch of Indian Pipes trying to find my camera when I blacked out and woke up here!  And now I’m having a conversation with a glowing ping pong ball!  Not to mention that it can fly!”

“Hold your horses missy, I didn’t mean for you to get all heated up.  I just find it interesting what visitors think.  I’ll tell you eventually.”

I decided that the best way out of this was to cooperate, “Okay.” I said calmly.

“Did you notice anything odd about those so called ‘Indian Pipes?’” he asked with a twinkle in one of his rather round eyes.

“Well, they were in a circle…”

“Those plants are magical.  Magical portals, yes they are.  And that by touching them you were transported here.”

“Where is here exactly?” I asked.  I doubted very much that the plants had been magical.

“We are presently inside one of the ‘Indian Pipes.’”

It took me a couple seconds to process what Phyll had said.  Then a million questions popped into my mind.

“That’s impossible!” I shouted a little too loudly, “We couldn’t fit inside!”

But as I looked around, I knew it was true.  The white walls of the room were fibrous and looked as though they were made out of plants, and Phyll did look a bit like the microscopic bacteria we studied under a microscope at school.  Did that mean I had been shrunk?  At this point I believed anything was possible.

Phyll smiled seeing my eyes widen as I began to accept the magic that I had just encountered, “Welcome to Vegrandis, a world within a world.”


        Soon Phyll had explained that Vegrandis was one of many minuscule magical worlds inside plants.  These worlds were inhabited by the Parvi, Phyll explained.  Phyll was apparently the head of national affairs in the city of Vegrandis, and often interacted with other nations of Parvi.  Then, after a rather lengthy explanation of the wonderful democracy they had over in Minimus (also known as a clump of mountain sorrel) and a monologue about how awful the old dictator of Vegrandis was (which nearly sent me to sleep, which is saying a lot since I was listening to another species speak), we set about with the “grand tour.”

        We stepped onto a balcony overlooking a huge room filled with other Parvi.  Steam rose from little miniature clay ovens that lined the walls and the air danced with the scent of homemade cookies and pies.  I could smell sugar and butter all over the room.  Sweetness danced in circles around my head.  It was a miniature heaven on earth.

The little Parvi were doing what seemed to be an intricate dance, but turned out to be baking.  Each one had a tray of dough, which they watched over until they slid it into one of the ovens.  All the creatures shared a resemblance to Phyll, although they varied in shades of cream.  All of the Parvi glowed and bobbed, just like Phyll.  Each had their own task of carrying trays heaping with baked goods or stirring bowls of batter.

“Since our mother plant cannot photosynthesize,” explained Phyll, “We bake for her to keep her healthy.  She needs the extra sugars since she supports all of us Parvi.”

        Then Phyll bobbed down a flight of sugar-covered stairs and began to point out different steps in the process of baking.  He also introduced me to all of the friendly Parvi in the room.  They all had smiles on their faces and butter smeared onto their bubbles.  Just seeing their joy made me happy too.  Several cookies later, we arrived at a large door.  I was in a rather jovial mood with sugar and frosting stuck to my cheeks and a smile on my face.  But as soon as Phyll saw that door, his wonderful smiled faded and soon mine did too.

        “There’s something I have to show you, young miss,” he said solemnly, “And I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

        He knocked three times and the door swung open.  We entered a dimly lit room with a few other Parvi inside, all with equally concerned faces.  The source of their concern was soon apparent.  A transparent syrupy liquid had seeped through the wall and formed a lake, and everything the liquid touched shrivelled up and turned brown.  I rushed to the lake that was killing this wonderful world and looked at the damage at my feet.

        “Who would do something this awful?” I cried, tears springing from my eyes at the sight of the wreckage.

        Phyll cleared its throat, “Um, I’m sorry to tell you young miss, but you did this.”

        “What?” No, that wasn’t possible.  I couldn’t have done something this bad.

        “Your people.  Humans.  You have a system that makes you pollute without knowing it.  You don’t mean to, but you can destroy entire worlds by accidentally spilling something or letting something blow away in the breeze.  Don’t worry, we’ll be able to patch this leak up in a couple of weeks, but you need to know that you humans did this.  You love nature young miss, but you destroy it with your love.  There is a whole lot of pollution out there killing your world and ours alike.  It’s up to you to stop pollution from destroying everything we love.  I wish I didn’t have to say this, but I can’t do a thing.  Us Parvi aren’t polluting the world.  Your cars and factories are the ones hurting us all.  So please.  Help us.  All of us.”

And he gave me a deep and sorrowful look, and I knew that helping the world was what I was supposed to do.  All of the worlds.  Because, who else will?  The birds can’t save the sky and the fish can’t save the sea and even the Parvi can’t help.  But we wonderful, terrible human beings can save the world we love so much.  Because right now, we are the bad guys.  But we can also be the heros.  And heros need to make a stand.


To get back to the “big world” Phyll took me into the same circular room I woke up in.

“It will be the same moment when you get back to your family,” he said, “Time moves slower in the big world.  Your parents won’t realize you were gone.”

Then, to my alarm, his shining bubble disappeared with a pop and Phyll toddled over to me on his little round feet.  He attempted to give me a hug, but since the hug was around my knees I lifted my new friend up and gave him a real “big hug.”

“Thank you for showing me your world.” I whispered in a koala bear ear.

“Oh you’re welcome missy.” Phyll whispered back and slipped a little something into my hand, “Do make sure to come back.”

After I promised to come back (which meant hiking Mt. Animus a whole lot), Phyll instructed me to crouch in the same position I was in when I entered Vegrandis.  Then he opened a small cupboard, pressed a button inside and my consciousness started to fade.

“Goodbye!” I heard Phyll shout.

I was about to respond, when the world faded to black again…


When I arrived back on Mt. Animus in the same position as before, with my family all around me, I almost laughed.  Could that have been real?  I looked down at the object in my hand.  It was my camera!  It had gone through the portal!  No wonder I couldn’t find it.  I flipped the camera over.  Scrawled in what appeared to be the glowing essence of a Parvi bubble were the words:

Cauliflower girl-

I’ve enchanted this camera so when you take a picture, it transports you to Vegrandis.  Come as often as you wish!  And remember, you can save the worlds.  All of them.

        -Phyll

        Smiling, I slipped the camera into my pocket.  No more trips up the soggy Mt. Animus,  I thought.

        Out loud I said, “I guess I’ll have to save up for a new camera.  It’s really too bad.”


        Now I know about the harm that can be done to the natural world.  Now I know that the mountains aren’t only a safe haven, they are a place that needs to be saved.  Now I can go out into the world with a goal to help save our wonderful natural world and all the crazy-amazing creatures that live in it.  Because the world isn’t gonna save itself.  That’s what heroes are for.

Latin Names

Animus means mind or imagination

Oecologia means ecology

Vegrandis means tiny

Parvi is the plural of “parvus” which means small

Minimus means very small

Clench

He carries the illusion of being prepared in the form of neatly compiled notebooks and folders. His bloated backpack is a precautionary tale to himself. Extra pockets to hold his insecurities and other insignificant items. A book on philosophy and mathematics weighs down an already heavy load, acting as verification of his intelligence.

He carries urgent reminders that are easily forgotten. Notes to self that are underlined and circled and highlighted. During class he sits upright, brainstorming a highbrow comment to share while small-talking his peers with a pretense of confidence. He methodically wipes his thin brimmed glasses with microfiber eyeglass cleaner in his spare time. But these mundane activities can only distract him for so long.

Fiddling his fingers, he aches for a squeeze. He has self-diagnosed himself as being prone to boredom as well as having a bad case of ADHD. A disposable and newly acquired therapist has prescribed a stress ball for his “illness”. Hesitant of drawing unwanted attention to himself by squeezing the ball in the midst of class, he opts for subtly pressing his palms together under the desk. He holds eye contact with the teacher and his classmates as a sign of respect and attentiveness, but all he hears is the soft hollow noises created by his moist palms coming together. In between classes, he sits on the toilet elated and relieved to squeeze in private.

He starts off with soft squeezes affectionately looking at his red ball. Then it intensifies. His stubby nails deepen inside of the ball and his squeezing rate quickens. “Yes, yes, yes,” he thinks. The bell will ring soon, but for now, he is squeezing. He counts down from ten. Ten last squeezes and then he’ll go. In these moments of privacy, he is most content. When around others he is most alone.

The heaviest weight is the one felt perpetually. An inexplicable sense of inadequacy. He files his nails and cleans his glasses and makes sure his fly is zipped, but he feels a mess. At night when he can’t focus on the silence, he feels parts of himself itch unexplainably. He tears away at his skin wishing the sensation would subside, only to wake up to a wounded body.

 

Crescent That Will Definitely Not Fail

Crescent.

My mother named me that because that’s what she thought when she first saw me. Not full and wholesome like a full moon, not dark and serene like a cloudy night when you can’t see a moon at all. A crescent, a little sliver of person, not whole and not nothing. Pale and so close to being gone that you can barely tell I’m there.

I haven’t changed since then in terms of appearance. I still look half-made, like someone didn’t put enough detail into my features, or if someone’s printer ran out of ink. I’m slim and short enough to curl up into a little ball underneath my bed, which is what I would be doing right now if it had snowed enough to give us a snow day and no homework. I have short, dark brown hairpixie-cut-shortand light blue eyes, which sounds pretty, but it’s notit’s like when you blot blue watercolor and most of the color fades and you have to try again. I know because my mother told me. She seems to know everything.

“Next,” the barista calls, and I step forward and order my drink.

The barista is pretty cute. Long brown hair, almond-shaped green eyes, tall and slender and full, not like me. Her name tag reads Elizabeth, but then I see that someonepresumably the girl, though it’s hard to tellhas crossed that out and then, in red Sharpie, written Chimes. I vaguely wonder how Chimes came out of Elizabeth, but then she’s asking for my name and I have to give it to her.

“Crescent,” I say, nearly wincing at the sound of it. I hate it. It matches my personality too much, my half-faded features, my voice, my everything. I hate my name. I hate it I hate it I hate it, and I can’t get rid of it.

The barista seems unfazed as she scribbles it down on a pink Starbucks cup and tells me my total. I hand her the cash, take the change, and walk down the room, my boots making a thud-thud, thud-thud sound on the tiles. I bite my lip, wondering if maybe I should’ve chosen to wear flats today, or sneakers, or anything that made less noise.

I walk back to the table I’ve dumped my backpack, coat and scarf, and violin case at, and sit down, waiting for my drink. There’s really no point in standing at the counter for the twenty minutes they take to fix a single mocha.

So, of course, they call the drink I ordered five minutes later (why did they even bother to call my name, anyway?) and I’m already deep into my homework. I’m closing my Mac laptop and standing up when I hear a deep male voice say, “Oh, I think that’s mine.” I swivel my head around and am just in time to see a tall, large, bearded man take my drink and sit at a table. I bite my lip and get up. I’m about to tap the man on the shoulder when I think, I probably shouldn’t bother him. He’ll enjoy that drink.

That drink that you paid for, a snide little voice in the back of my head reminds me. I push it aside and glance at the barista who took my order who is now doing something on her phone, apparently not caring about the long line winding around the room. I bite my lip.

I have two options here. I can either defy everything my mother has ever told me my whole lifedon’t say anything unless it’s a matter of life or death, and even then no one probably caresand ask either the barista that the man took my drink or I can tell the man that he took my drink and ask that he pay for a new one or whatever people are supposed to do in a situation like this, or I can wait in theI count the people quickly in my headthirteen-people line and order and pay for a new drink.

Hmm, I think bitterly. Which one is Invisible Woman going to choose?

I don’t even need to think twiceI get in the line and wait.

When the barista sees me, she smiles. “Not satisfied with your drink, huh? Yeah, the drinks here are shit. Cookie?” She nods to the snacks.

“Um, no thanks…can I have another

“Tall mocha? Yes ma’am.”

“How did you

“Remember your order?” The barista-or Chimes, I suppose, laughs. “To be honest, I don’t completely know. Maybe it’s because you’re cute as hell?”

I feel myself blushing and hate myself for it. “I’mI’m not

“Not lesbian? Sorry.”

“Nonot cute asas, well, hell. Umcan I just

“Oh, yeah.” She pulls a cup from the stack next to her and takes her red Sharpie out from behind her ear. “Crescent, right? Memorable name.”

“Yep,” I mumble. “Especially when it matches everything true about me.”

Chimes raises an eyebrow but stays silent, just scribbles my name on the cup and passes it down to the people making the drinks. “There you go, Crescent. Can I call you Cress?”

“No. Anyway, you won’t have a reason to,” I point out. “I never come to this Starbucks.”

“Well, maybe you’ll have a reason to,” Chimes says, and I shake my head and move down. “Why are you getting another drink, anyway? I never asked.”

“Oh…” I shrug my left shoulder. “Some guy took the first one.”

“His name is Crescent, too?” She grins. “Weird.” I open my mouth to respond, but she shakes her head. “No, I know. I’m not as stupid as I look.” She grins again. “Everyone always says that.”

“I don’t think you look stupid,” I say before I even realize there are words coming out of my mouth.

Chimes smiles. “Aww, that’s sweet. Thanks. Anyway, why didn’t you just tell him it was yours and have him buy you a new drink?”

“I don’t

“Hey, it’s okay.” She raises her voice. “Hey, guy with the tall mocha.” The guy turns around, along with a few other customers. “Yes, you. You took this girl’s drink.” I feel my cheeks warm.

The guy stands up immediately. “Did I?” For what must be the first time, he turns the cup to look at the name. “Oh gosh, sorry. Do you want me to buy you a new drink?”

“You don’t have toI mean, that would be nice, butI can buy another one, it’s fine.” I force a smile.

“Are you sure?”

I make the smile a little bigger and nod. “Yeah, it’s fine. Um…” I never know how to end conversations, but the middle-aged man makes it easy by smiling and sitting back down. I can tell he’s relieved that he didn’t have to spend four more dollars on a coffee he wasn’t even going to drink.

I turn back to the counter.

Chimes looks confused. Very confused.

“What the hell was that?” She asks, her eyebrows wrinkled. “Why didn’t you make him pay for another drink?”

“It’s not worth it,” I mutter. “You saw how relieved he was. He probably has a wife and kids.”

“He comes here every day,” Chimes says tightly. “He has three girlfriends and a cat named Chester. He owns two mac computers and an iPhone. I think he’s pretty well off. If you’re rich enough to own that and come to fricking Starbucks every day, then I think he can pay for one more drink.”

I shake my head and smile despite myself. “How do you even know that?”

“Just look at his email. It’s obvious.”

“Obvious. Right, Sherlock.”

“It’s elementary, Watson.” A small smile tugs at the corner of Chime’s lips, but she presses her lips together and forces herself to frown. “Here’s your drink.”
I smile slightly. “Thanks.” I take the drink and walk away.

“That’s it? That’s all?” I turn around and face Chimes.

“What else do you want me to say?”

Chimes shakes her head. I sit down and watch her take the next order.

I pull my laptop out of my backpack and tuck my hair behind my ears. My email is already open, and from what I see in front of me, my best friend Rebecca (also known as Becca) has emailed me seven different times about various things in the last half hour. I sigh like I’m annoyed to have so many emails from her, but in reality, I love Becca. She’s been my best friend since second grade when I accidentally hit her in the head with my extremely heavy second-grader backpack going down the stairs to dismissal and she went tumbling down the last two flights. She ended up with a slight concussion and a couple of rather impressive bruises. I refused to go to school for three days after that, and then Becca’s mother called mine, saying Becca was wondering why I had been absent those few days, and that she hoped I was okay. That’s pretty much how I made my first friend.

I’m jerked out of my thoughts by my phone ringing. I groan inwardly, mostly because I recognize the ringtone. It’s a Bruce Springstein song, which means only one person can be calling, and that’s my mom.

I dig it out of my pocket and answer it. As always, my mother is first to speak.

“Hi, Crescent!” She says in the obviously fake-energetic voice she always uses with me. “I was just wondering where you were. You’re usually home by now.”

As if you care, I think to myself. I speak into the phone, “I’m just at Starbucks, mom. The one I usually go to near school was jam-packed.” True.

“Oh! I was worried. You’re usually home by now.” She’s said that twice now.

As if. “Yeah, I know, I just didn’t want to have to go through all those people and wait a while for my drink.” True.

“Got it. What time are you going to be home? I’m starved, do you think you can be home by six?”

“Yeah, I just decided to do homework. That’s also why I’m still here.” False.

“Oh, okay. Pick up some milk on your way home, okay? We’re almost out.”
I swallow. “Okay. Anything else?” The line buzzes. She’s already hung up.

I roll my eyes and slip my phone into my pocket again. I have better things to do than to talk to her. Like look at my seven emails from Becca.

So I do. As it turns out, Becca is only emailing me about homework. I respond to her quickly and pack my things. I slide into my coat, buttoning it up, and wrap my scarf around my neck. I pick up my violin case and head out the door. I look back at the counter. Chimes is sitting on a stool, feet up on the counter, scribbling something on a cup with a red Sharpie. She looks up and catches my eye, grins, and shows me the cup. She’s sketched a rough scene that probably takes place somewhere in Central Parkrocks next to a lake with a bunch of rowboats. Two girlsme and her, I’m assumingsit on the rocks. She holds up a finger, and I wait. When she shows me the cup again, there’s a crescent moon above the scene. I smile a little and push open the door.

I guess it wouldn’t really hurt to come back to this Starbucks tomorrow. And who knows? Maybe I won’t be as much of a nobody.

Crescent.

I’m named that because that’s what I am. Not full and wholesome like a full moon, not dark and serene like a night without any moon at all. A crescent, a little sliver in the sky, not whole and not nothing but still something, still bright and beautiful. Still giving light. Still a moon.

 

 

Fire at The Don Cesar

“A fire has been reported in the building. Please exit down the stairs. Un fuego se ha reportado en el edificio. Por favor salga por la escalera.”

My mom has turned on the light and is standing above me.

“Put your shoes on and let’s go.”

“She doesn’t have time to put shoes on!” shouts my dad, who’s already standing by the door to our hotel room.

“Dad, let me put my flipflops on!” I yell.

“Mommy what’s going on?” asks my sister Gracie.

“We need to go!” My dad is getting upset. Or he’s just psyched there’s a fire.

“Relax, we’re coming!” says my mom.

It’s spring break, and we’re in St. Pete Beach, Florida. My family and I are staying at the Don Ce Sar hotel, where my dad went with his dad and brother as a kid. The Don is everything I hoped it would be. It’s pink, for one thing, with two pools, a spa, and a restaurant where we’ve eaten every night except for the night we went to a spring training baseball game but we had to leave early because my sister and mom fell asleep.

As we step out into the hallway, families and elderly couples are heading for the stairs. We’re on the sixth floor. Tough for the old people, but perhaps even tougher for me considering I don’t have my contact lenses in and everything is frustratingly blurry. If I die tonight I can blame it on shitty genetics and the fact my glasses make me look like Sarah Palin, which is why I had to leave them at home.

On the way down the stairs, I bump into an old lady and may have knocked her over, but there’s no time to look back. For a split second, I think about going back to help her but I realize that this is a life or death situation. A fire is really no place for arthritis or back pain. This is not a drill! Lives will be lost. Bodies will be burned. Vacations will be ruined because of this fire, this fire that is probably hot on my heels as I flee down the crowded staircase to safety, my parents and sister right behind me.

I feel the heat on my skin, and my hair is definitely being singed by the flames. I’m running so fast and everything is blurry, but I hastily glance back to look the fire in the eye. Well, actually I don’t see any fire but that doesn’t mean it’s not around here somewhere.

We dash through the lobby, and go outside where there are already clumps of tired and frightened vacationers. We stop by the fountain right outside the hotel. I squint, and in the distance I can make out a tacky neon sign that says “Come See Our Naked Mermaids!” Oh, Florida. Keeping in Klassy.

Because I am a teenager in the 21st century, I grabbed my phone as we headed out the door and check the time. It’s 6:02 am.

It’s starts to rain, and we move under the main awning. I look up and instead of finding comfort in the hot pink Spanish-style building, I am horrified to see fire leaping out of all the windows. But those flames are dark gray. Turns out, those are shadows from the air conditioners. I avert my attention to the bell tower in the front of the hotel. My little sister whispers to me, “Lily, doesn’t the bell tower look like the one from that scary movie Mommy made us see?”

Shit, it’s Vertigo. Now I have to think about Vertigo while I’m also thinking about how I left all my clothes and belongings in our room. (I should really start bringing a pre-packed mini suitcase with me that has all my most precious clothes and belongings in it so I can grab it quickly if I’m ever in this life-threatening and goddamn terrifying situation ever again. If I survive this, that is). I take a deep breath and wait for a body to be spewed out of the bell tower, plunging to its death, riding a wave of fire.

“That movie haunted me!” my sister says. Her eyes are wide with renewed fear.

I glance around me. There are families huddled together, some with dogs. I did not know this hotel allowed dogs. How impractical. This is a fire, and small dogs could be easily swallowed up in flames and no one would notice. Actually, some people would notice but by then it would be too late.

Yesterday afternoon at the pool I saw a totally gorgeous Titanic-era Leonardo DiCaprio lookalike. I was entranced. At last I would get my very own spring vacation romance that Seventeen magazine never shuts up about! Then we’d date and all my friends would be jealous of me! He waved to me, and I enthusiastically waved back. I was wearing a cute new bikini I bought online for $38. Yes! Seventeen would be so proud. I tried to wave back, but I couldn’t tell if he saw me or not so I made a plan to get a fruit smoothie at the same time as him today.

I catch sight of him now standing with his family. He’s wearing purple terrycloth pajama bottoms and a Taylor Swift t-shirt. What never happened between us is now over.

An old man is wearing skull-and-crossbones PJs. His wife (or his mistress, how should I know) is wearing one of the fluffy bathrobes from the hotel bathrooms. A lot of people are wearing the hotel bathrobe. Dear god, am I glad we don’t have to see what they’re wearing underneath. I wish I had thought to bring a sweatshirt with me. It’s chilly outside. I see a group of girls my age taking selfies and posting them on Instagram. They’re posting photos on Instagram during a fire? I have some questions about that. One, they’re taking a selfie with bedhead? Two, how are they getting WiFi?

I check my phone. It is 6:10. I’m starting to get ridiculously bored. My parents are talking about work, relaxed now that it’s looking more and more like the fire was not a Gone With the Wind-level situation. My sister has fallen asleep standing up. Her eyes are closed, and she’s humming the Harry Potter theme song. She’s asleep.

God, this is dull. People are chatting, the sun is rising. The sunrise is beautiful in an annoying way. Annoying because I no longer want to be in Florida. I want to be back home in New York City, where nothing dangerous ever happens. This is such a pain, they better be giving us all complimentary chocolate chip muffins at breakfast.

It is now 6:12. Progress. There’s no sign that we can go up anytime soon, and the hotel managers are looking harried as they run in and out of the hotel, checking to count the bodies and see how many lives have been lost. Suddenly the hotel guy standing by the door yells, “All clear, folks!”

I survived! We move towards the door.

“Are you sure it’s safe to go inside?” My dad asks him.

“Um, I think so.”

“Would you mind double checking?”

Oh, please, Dad. Everything’s fine. This is not a real thing, it might even have been a drill. I’m exhausted and I want to go back to bed. We’re allowed to take the elevators now that there’s not a fire, and everyone’s waiting for them. I hear one woman say to her young children, “Daddy’s going to take you two back to bed. Mommy’s going to the gym to burn off that cheesecake because she won’t be able to fall back to sleep.”

The sun has almost fully risen behind the sign for naked mermaids. The air is cool and even though I’m tired I feel very peaceful. I put out that fire with my mind. I know I did.

Now I’m delirious and the hotel guy comes back. It’s safe to go up.

 

The next morning at breakfast, no one mentions anything, but some respect has definitely been lost amongst the guests after seeing each other in horrifying pajamas. We’ll probably never see each other again, but we’ll all have the same near-death vacation story to tell. Maybe Taylor Swift t-shirt will write about it for his college application essay. I start thinking about the fire, and next thing I know I’m contemplating human existence and what my purpose is on this planet and whether I’ll live my life any differently now. I hope I’ve been changed by this fire, but I don’t feel anything yet. Maybe it takes a few days. Later, my mom and I head to the spa to get facials and I look up and see the Vertigo bell tower. When I close my eyes, I can still see the fire.

 

The Preparations

ONE

The day the world ends is August 8. Our leader told us so. They stood on the balcony overlooking our town and called us to attention.

“We will all pass on the 8th of August, at 3:30. Our scientists have discovered that Earth will die from overheating, and our reinforcements will melt. The beams holding up our community will collapse, and we will drown.”

It’s kind of sad, I think, to have to accept death, but they say it is the only thing to do. We must go voluntarily. The celebrations will make up for it. My brother is only little, so he cried during the announcement. He hasn’t been taught yet that showing negative emotions in public is considered dangerous.

My friend taps me on the shoulder as our community applauds. She grins, her eyes shining.

“I can’t wait for the celebrations! We’ll get to wear colored clothing, and eat foods we’re not allowed to, and get to act like the people in the shiny books from school!”

“You mean the magazines? Harriet, those people didn’t eat. It would be unhealthy to look like them.” We break away from the crowd once the announcement ends, and head towards the South Tunnel.

Harriet shrugs, grabbing her shoes. “They look so…different. I like the ones that wear their hair down all the time. I wish we could do that.”

We pull on our shoes and walk down the South Tunnel, gazing up at the freshly painted mural. It shows our history, and how we corrected our flaws to become one of the last civilizations left.

After the scientists figured out that global warming would end the world, the builders elevated our communities. Some countries decided to build boats and submarines to live in forever, but they drowned. As far as anyone knows, America’s people are the only ones that survived the flooding. The communities are sparse, and there isn’t much contact with them.

“Johanna?” She’s not looking at me, just gazing at the paintings like I am. “Where did the others go?” She’s onto the last painting, where the ice caps are melting and people are drowning. “I mean, the other communities. Where are they?”

I pull her towards the other wall, where an old map of the world is hanging. Black lines are drawn across it to replace the faded borders.

“See the shape up top that looks like a dog? That used to be called Maine. Some people live in a community there.”

She nods and points to a small shape named Massachusetts. “And that’s us!”

As soon as she presses the shape, a small chime sounds throughout the South Tunnel. A nasally voice from the speakers states, “Community members are prohibited from touching the map. Number 107, should this be filed in your report as an accident which will not be repeated?

Harriet sighs and looks down at her feet. “Yes, the incident will not happen again.”

Thank you. We are pleased to hear that Number 107 will follow the rules.” There is a screech of mic feedback, and then the voice is gone.

Harriet is shaking, her eyes wide. “That was the third time I’ve been warned for correction this month. I’m going to have to be corrected if I slip up a fourth time.” I frown, thinking of the few times I’ve been warned of correction all my life. I know how important neatness and promptness are in our community. I hope Harriet won’t be corrected. They never are quite the same after.

“Come on! I don’t want to be late,” I whisper. We run to the exit and pull the huge door open.

 

TWO

 

The south end of our community is where all our homes are. We take off our shoes and sprint down the path towards a raised platform. I press the button for my home and a tunnel lights up. I start down the walkway after waving to Harriet.

I open the door to my home, looking for my little brother and my mom. “Owen?” I step into the living room and take off my jacket. There is no answer.

“Mom?”

My mom pokes her head out from the study door. “In here!”

I smile and hang up my jacket, then join them in the next room.

The study is tiny, just like our home, and it’s very plain. My mother is reading to Owen from one of the sites on the computer. I smile and take a place at my desk, digging out the flash drive from my pocket and fitting it into the slot in the desk.

The computer starts up, and it asks me one of the questions from my lesson today.

What is the procedure for apocalypse-related incidents?”

I grin, feeling proud. I know this one by heart.

“Walk to the raised platform in the south end of the community and press the 9 button twice. Then lie down and rest,” I repeat carefully. We’re supposed to sleep peacefully so that we won’t try to run when we die.

Very good. Proceed to internet use. Please use responsibly.”

My favorite site pops up on the screen, and I scroll down quickly. It’s a story site, with tales for kids that are written by government-approved writers. I was in the middle of a story about a girl that followed all the rules of her community and grew up to be a painter of the murals in the North Tunnel. I sigh, reading about the girl’s fantastic adventures.

“What are you thinking about?”

I turn to face my mom. It’s standard procedure to ask what another person is thinking, but I like to think people are just being polite.

“I’m thinking about being a government-approved writer when I grow up. I could create stories for people to read!”

My mom chuckles and closes her computer temporarily. “Johanna, you know that the genre of writing has to be chosen by the leader of the community. You can’t ask for realistic fiction writing in your job description.”

“I know, I know.” I scroll down farther to read another story about our community leader. “But what if I got a realistic fiction assignment from the government, and then…”

My brother starts crying when the computer talks about the Earth flooding. I pick him up and bring him into the living room after closing my computer.

“Johanna? Owen?”

“Dad!” I rush over to him. He grins at me after hanging up his jacket next to mine.

“Did you hear when the world is going to end? Did you?” I’m jumping up and down, barely being able to control myself.

“Yes, I did. August 8th, right?” He waves to my mom, who is now in the living room.

“Yeah! There’s going to be a huge celebration, and in only a few days!” I check the calendar in the kitchen: only one week until the three days of celebration.

“One week left! One week left!” I sing. My mom and dad chuckle, and Owen starts giggling. My mom walks into the dining room, shaking her head at our silly reactions. We all follow her, with my little brother in my dad’s arms.

I take my place at the dinner table and straighten my clothing. My parents do the same, and Owen reaches for his bib. With great difficulty, I manage to tie it around his neck.

“Can I press the button?” I look up at my dad timidly.

“Of course.”

I grin and reach for the circle in the middle of the table, hitting it with the tips of my fingers. The side of our house opens up, and our dining table moves down a treadmill.

The tables of each family move to the platform, with each table taking up a corner of the octagon shape. My dad stands up, and we all follow as the community leader emerges from the tunnel.

“Thank you, families of the community. As you all know, our scientists have found the answer to the question that has been on our minds for so long. The end of the world will be on August 8th.” A great cheer rises up from the families.

The community leader chuckles once the applause dies down. “This means that the three days of celebration are in just a week. I advise you to get some rest, spend time with your family, and be happy!  We only have a few more days to thank the Earth for what it has given us.”

I dig into my dinner and watch the laughing families around us. If this is a plain, basic, community with only the essentials, then I can’t wait for the luxury of the celebration.

 

THREE

 

-one week later-

 

“Harriet!”

“Johanna!”

“Oh my goodness!”

We run out of our houses and meet at the entrance to the tunnel, our faces red.

“This is going to be the best celebration ever!” I cry. My parents trail behind me in their special occasion outfits, and my brother toddles over to us. He learned how to walk the day after the announcement, and he’s been the main source of excitement in our community.

“Let’s go!”

We pull on our shoes and race down the tunnel, stopping at the huge metal door. My dad pushes it open, and the community gasps at the sight.

A huge train takes up the meeting place, and most of the government leaders sit inside. We slowly walk towards it and stop when a door slides open. The community leader steps outside and addresses us.

“Good morning, everyone,” she says. “I know you are frightened, but there is really no need to be.” We all relax instantly.

“This train is going to take us to another part of the world, where there are celebrations all the time. But you must know why we do not allow this. We will show a documentary on the train ride there, about how constant celebration is not at all what it seems.” She walks back into the train after motioning for us to come inside.

Harriet, always the bold one, runs onto the train and finds seats for the two of us. I scoop Owen up and step inside. The rest of the community filters in and sits down. As soon as everyone is seated, screens come down from the ceiling and stop in front of us. I don’t really want to watch the movie. I’d rather see the train start moving, but there are no windows. I guess they don’t want us to see the other, primitive villages that got flooded.

The movie starts playing, and I reluctantly turn my attention to the screen. Owen is already drooling like a faucet onto my shoulder, so I sit him between Harriet and me.

Long, long ago, there was a beautiful place called Earth,” the documentary announces. “People were happy, and they rejoiced when their crops grew and were ready to harvest. They did this every year, and it was called Thanksgiving.” There are scanned pictures and paintings on the screen, with many people eating with their community. I smiled. It seemed like a fun time of the year.

There was another holiday, which was modeled after the birth of their community leader. The people gave items to others wrapped in colorful paper, and they took trees inside their homes and decorated them.” Harriet and I stifled a giggle. In our lessons, we had learned that trees were ancient things that only grew outside. Why put a tree inside your house?

There were many other holidays like this, where people would eat rich food and receive material items. They started to think that objects were the only important things in life, and that a green slip of paper could be worth wars. The green paper was called money, and the people got greedy and fat.” The screen changed to a crude drawing of many people, with inflated bodies and little heads. Their eyes were cold and black, and they held wads of green paper in their chubby fists. Owen woke up and started crying at the sight of the inflated people.

Luckily, the community leader’s grandfather knew this had to change. He asked some of his friends to help him, and they got people back to their normal size. He was the greatest hero the world had ever seen.

Of course, some people didn’t want to change back. They liked being fat and evil and ugly.” The narrator spits out each insult onto our faces, scaring the little children and disgusting the adults.

The fat people attacked our community leader’s grandfather, and he fought back courageously. He saved us all from turning out like the inflated people.” I gasped and held Owen close to me. I couldn’t imagine being like the people in the drawings.

So we built our communities, and saved ourselves from the global warming that the fat people had caused. They tried to build boats to stay alive during the flooding, but they drowned.” Harriet turned and whispered in my ear. “How could they have caused the global warming?”

I frown, just noticing that they never said that. “I guess it was the making of the material items that they loved,” I whisper back.

The documentary ends with a click, and the doors slide open again. The community leader smiles and gestures outside. “Welcome,” she says. As we rush out the doors, she calls after us.

“Remember the documentary- we took this away for a reason.”

 

FOUR

 

The crowd of people are too noisy to stand in, so I drift away from them. The trees bend over the walkway and block the magnificent sunset.

“Hey.”

I jump, turning around and glaring at Harriet.

“Don’t do that! It freaked me out.”

Harriet grins. “Sorry. It was funny.”

I roll my eyes and keep walking towards the building in the distance. I’m pretty sure it’s our temporary dwelling spot for the next two nights.

She runs up to me and matches my stride.

“So…”

I look at her. “So, what?”

“So, are you going to the library, or…?”

I stop and peer into the darkness. “That’s a library?” We only had seen them in our lessons, but they sounded really fun. I’m sure they had lots of stories on the computers there.

“Yeah. So do you wanna go?”

“Uh, sure…”

Harriet grabs my arm and starts running, dragging me behind her. We run to the library and pull the door open.

The library is small, with wooden shelves and one dusty computer in the back. I slowly sit down on one of the armchairs.

Suddenly I notice dozens of artifacts on the shelves. I pick the nearest one up to examine it.

It’s small and cloth-bound, with little golden words carved into the outside. The words are too faded to read, so I open it instead. There are pages and pages of paper, with words on them written in ink.

“What is this?” I whisper, flipping through the story. This doesn’t exactly seem…government-approved.

“It’s a book.”

I closed the book, feeling trapped. That was definitely not Harriet’s voice.

That was a boy’s voice.

I slowly turn around. “Hi.” Darn it, I got caught!

“Harriet,” I whisper.

She walks over to us, already deep into another book. She looks up and almost drops the book she was holding.

“Uh- we thought we were allowed to be here! But we’re not! We’ll go now!” Harriet grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door.

“We can’t leave with the books!”

“She’s right, you can’t.” The boy holds his hand out, and Harriet drops her book into his hand without another word. I hand the boy my book too.

He looks at the first page. “You really want to read this?”

“It was the first book I picked up,” I say awkwardly. I kind of want it back now.

He puts the books down and gives me another book from the shelves. I can read the writing on the glossy cover. Something about a photography issue?

“Hey, that looks like the magazines we have in our community!” Harriet whispers, looking over my shoulder at the cover.

The boy looks at us curiously. “Are you two from the community in Massachusetts?”

Harriet and I look at each other. “It used to be called that.”

He nods. “I’m Hugh.”

“Johanna.”

“I’m Harriet, and we need to go. Bye!” We run out of the library with the magazine.

She turn to me and clutch it tight. “Where am I going to put this? If anyone finds out we took this, we’ll get in huge trouble!”

I think for a minute, then walk into the building. Almost everyone’s outside, so no one sees us.

Once I get to my room, I place the magazine between the sheets and the mattress. I pull Harriet into the hallway and talk to her quickly.

“You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? No one. If they find out, we could both be corrected, and our lives would be ruined! We need to go to bed soon, so I’ll stay in my room. You go to your room and pretend like nothing happened.”

Harriet runs back to her room and closes the door carefully. I close the door to my room quickly. I’m too nervous to sleep, so I’ll just read the magazine.

I take it out from under the sheets and burrow under the covers. Flipping the pages, I gasp at the colors and people they have managed to capture. There are crowds of people with many different skin and hair colors. I think back to the boy in the library, named Hugh. He looked…different from us, now that I think about it. I wonder how many people are still alive with the bright blue eyes that he had. I flip through more of the pages and stop at one that looks like him. There is a baby with tan skin and bright blue eyes. I read the caption at the bottom:

Only around 10 people have this combination of skin color and eye color in the world.”

This is too old to be true anymore, so the number of people that look like him must be even smaller now. I put the magazine back under the sheet and try to go to sleep, turning off the light and staring up at the ceiling.

Hugh must be different from other people in the world. I remember when I used to be proud of my thin blond hair and dark brown eyes, grateful to blend in with so many other people in our community. I used to pity Harriet for standing out with her bright red hair.

I want to be different, too.

I decide to run up to the library next morning and ask Hugh for paper and a pen. Maybe, if I can’t look different, I could write a story of my own and be different.

 

FIVE

 

-August 8th, 3:17 pm-

 

The community leader’s voice rings out from the speakers for the last time.

Please follow the apocalypse-related incident procedure. This is not a drill.

I snap my head up from my desk, finishing the last bits of my story. The paper is soft from two day’s worth of writing and crossing out many words. Hugh taught me how to copy the letters on my computer and write them on the page. I spent the whole two days in the library with him, just writing letters over and over and over again.

I stuff the paper into my pocket, reading through the story in my head.

“Once upon a time, there was a girl named Jo.”

My brother starts crying, so I lift him up and whisper the story to him.

“She lived in a community where the people thought they had everything.”

He stops crying and listens, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“But they didn’t. They were missing out on so many good things.”

I run through the tunnel and put on my shoes.

“Like colors, and inspiration, and stories of their own.”

I have to set Owen down to lace them up, and he starts whimpering again.

“So she stole something from someone.”

He hugs my leg tightly. I carry him onto the platform.

“It was the right thing to do.”

No one else is there, but I still whisper. There could be cameras watching us.

“She tore up the book and scattered the pages all over.”

I can see one of the pictures from the magazine that I hid around the community.

“She wanted the people to find the photos and remember the past.”

I press the 9 button twice.

“Maybe someday they will understand.”

Owen and I lie down and try to sleep.

“Until then…

She will wait.”

More people come and lie down with us. I whisper the words over and over again until we both fall asleep. I hope other communities know what they’re missing, and how they can fix it. I close my eyes and wait, just thinking about nothing.

 

I hear Owen crying, far away from me. I reach out to him, but feel nothing. Someone’s head is pressing into my stomach.

I open my eyes and look down. It’s dark, but I can make out a few shapes. Owen is whimpering into my shirt, and we’re still on the platform. Everyone’s still sleeping, waiting to die. I wonder what the community leader’s doing. Is she sleeping too?

Wait a minute.

I sit up and pull Owen close to me again. I check my watch.

4:25 pm.

What?

I reach out to Harriet and tap her on the shoulder.

“Harriet, wake up.”

She doesn’t move. I lay Owen down and shake her until she wakes up.

“Johanna? What’s going on?”

I pull Owen into my lap again.

“Harriet, it’s 4:25. The apocalypse didn’t happen.”

“What?”

I look around quickly and whisper in Harriet’s ear.

They were wrong.”

 

Lonely Brooklyn Nights

Starts up going great,

Then it ends it bein late.

Sittin on the bench thinkin’ about how ima survive this world,

Almost 10 o’ clock,

Still bored and the moon shinin like a pearl.

Light one up and still bored.

But, it’ll take things off my mind.

Remember them days when I was young and I was chillin,

Now things gettin hectic and people killin,

Somebody that was younger and wishin,

That life would get 100 times better and go kill it

The Girl With The Map Face

The girl with the map face has lived on my block since I moved here twelve years ago. She lives in a small two story house with a small one story tree in the front yard. I’ve never seen anyone else in her house. She must live alone. I wish I lived alone. But my house is always filled with things that won’t go away. There’s a cherry blossom tree in the bath and there’s a brownstone in my living room. My kitchen is filled with giraffes and a bird’s nest grew at the foot of my bed. Sometimes new things pop up and sometimes the old ones grow. Some were there when I moved in but they were smaller then. About the size of saplings.

 

Today I’m out of orange juice so I head to the store. Walking down my block I see the girl with the map face. As she walks she laughs. Head back, shoulders heaving she laughs wholeheartedly. I wish I could see what she was laughing at, but maybe I did and just didn’t find it funny. She could’ve been laughing at the sound of someone stirring their tea in the café. Or at the laundry making rounds in the laundromat on the corner. Or at a fly that buzzed past her. She’s funny that way.

She turns with me as I make a left into the parking lot of the supermarket. We walk along past the parked cars and the lost shoes and the shopping carts. People turn to look at her as they walk by, wondering if they’ve seen her correctly. When they do she smiles and waves. I’ve never been as confident as that. I’ve never been anything like her. She walks into the store, opening her arms wide as the automatic doors swoosh open. Once she’s in she shuts her arms together as the doors swoosh close. She laughs and turns on her heel, disappearing inside. I follow shaking my head, almost in embarrassment, at the people staring in shock or disgust. They’ve never understood the girl with the map face the way she understands herself. They’ve never understood themselves the way she understands them.

 

* * * * * *

 

My name is Johnny Garage and I love people-watching. I’m good at it too, I notice the smallest details. On the subway my favorite thing is seeing people’s pupils race as they follow the signs on platforms as they rush past them. My second favorite thing is making up stories about people in my head. New York City is a good place for people-watching. There are stories walking down the street, in the park, in the library. My notebook is almost full with them, their lives and thoughts and what they’re eating for lunch spread out across my wrinkled pages. I have several sections devoted to the girl with the map face. Each page suggesting a different disaster for her to overcome. Volcanic eruptions, or robberies, or murder mysteries, or lost in the desert, or something.

 

Today’s subway ride home has a sobbing baby at one end of the car and a man playing loud music at the other. It starts to get to me and so I decide to lose myself in the girl with the map face’s miraculous escape from an underwater cave. I am writing intently until we reach my stop. It’s late and the darkness outside shocks my eyes as they go from the flickering fluorescent lights to the pitch black outside.

I pass by the laundromat and the café and am walking by the playground, empty of kids now. A shadowy figure is laying on the bench. I can tell it’s her by the dreamy way she looks up at the stars. I stand outside the wrought iron gate and watch her. Her hands are up, pointing at the sky, tracing constellations. She lifts her head suddenly and smiles up at me. Lit up by the streetlamps and the moonlight, she sits up and beckons to me. I stay there, watching, waiting. She turns away with her back to me. I cautiously take a few steps in, then a few more until I’m there, sitting on the bench next to her. She doesn’t look at me or say anything. We sit there in silence. The girl with the map face and I are sitting in silence.

We stay there for a while, watching the sky, watching each other. Then she turns to me. “You should come over sometime.” She hops up and walks away. I sit in the dark a while longer.

 

A map has attached itself to the wall in my stairwell. That’s the way it is with the things in my house. They spring up out of nowhere and nothing I can do will tear them down. I wonder if the map could have anything to do with tonight. I don’t know how it knew. How my house knew.

The goldfish bowl in my cupboard has grown to the size of an oven. My cereal boxes are pressed up against it, fighting for the bit of room left on the shelf. I pull them out, make myself some cereal, and eat. Some of my best thinking is done over cereal.

 

I don’t know how I know, but I can tell that today is the day she wants me to come over. The map in the hall grew a few inches and when I walk out to get the paper it winks at me the same way she beckoned last night. I sit at the kitchen table. What if she isn’t home? What if she doesn’t actually want me there? I can’t think about it too hard so I get dressed. I stand in the doorway of my house looking out at the sidewalk. There’s a sharp red line folding down over the stairs and curving sharply left, sketching out the way to her house. It propels me to walk, to go down the stairs and follow it. Her house is finally there, looming with a kind of forgetfulness. I open the gate. I’ve never even thought about opening her gate. I’m the kind of person that watches. And now here I am, opening her gate. The walkway up to her door is the same as any other but it feels different. I stand on her porch and hesitate. But the red line urges me forward and I ring the buzzer. A bell sounds throughout the house and then I can see her coming towards me, opening the door. She’s standing in front of me. She is barefoot, her toenails painted an orchid shade of pink. She grins at me. “I’m glad you came.” I follow her inside.

The girl with the map face leads me through her house. I don’t look at any of it as it goes by. I look at the back of her neck, forming delicate creases as she turns her head around to smile at me. I look at her arms dragging along the walls, her fingers tracing the picture frames. I look at her heels and the way they pound the floor making a thud that spreads like a spiderweb through the house. We reach the back door and walk out into the backyard. It’s small and grassy and in the center is a blanket, food laid out on top of it. She turns to face me. “I thought a picnic would be nice.”

We eat ham sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies. “I’m sorry, I’m not the best cook,” She says. I shake my head. “Oh, I don’t mind.” She lays back on the blanket and I do the same. “I’ve seen you before, you know. Before you came to the playground.” She turns her face to me. I could watch it for hours. “I know,” I say. I didn’t know. Her face flickers and for a second I can see the laughter from a few days ago.

“What do you write in your notebook?”

“Stories.”

“Am I in any of them?”

I contemplate a lie. “Yes.”

She sits up. “Why?”

I’m confused. “Why what?”

“Why am I in them.”

I have to think about this for a while.

“Because I like thinking about you.”

This makes her grin. She falls back onto the blanket. Her face is shining as she smiles and laughs, making the map dance.

“You like thinking about me,” She repeats. I don’t say anything.

“Let’s take a walk tomorrow,” She pronounces.

“A walk?”

“Yeah. A walk.”

I think about it. Then I say the only thing I can think of.

“Okay.”

 

* * * * * *

 

Tuesday was a drizzly day. The sky all grey and the clouds all grey and at sunset the clouds outlined in red. I stood on the corner, in front of the park where I saw her before. I checked my watch. Each girl I saw, each swinging hips, each long legs, each red lips, I thought it was her. But none, no face was her. And then she was coming down the street and her hair was streaming behind her as she ran and her cheeks were flushed behind the map and she was wearing a blue dress that I liked a lot. When she stopped in front of me I looked at her and I watched her pant and catch her breath. “How are you?” Never had I thought harder about a question. “I’m here,” I smiled. She grinned. “You are.”

 

We walked on down a long avenue. I hadn’t been to that part of the neighborhood before. At least not to my memory. I may have been there before but just didn’t see it. I think that when I’m with the girl with the map face I open my eyes wider.

 

We stopped in front of a church. Not a big one. Not one that belonged. Not one of the normal city ones, the ones made of brick or red and brown stone. Not one of the stacked monsters as present as air that practically shamed you into going. And it wasn’t one of the little ones. Not one of the falling down ones where Sunday School takes place in the basement. It was a country church, the kind you see in a Quaker town in Massachusetts or along the coast of Maine. Pale blue wood and a steeple with a cross on top, and white double doors left open. “Let’s go in,” said the girl with the map face. We traipsed up the steps and into the musty church.

 

The pews stretched far into the back, with a scattering of people draped along them. The church was dark and the wood floors creaked as we walked along to the front. The first few seats were all empty, the church-goers preferring the anonymity of the back pews. The girl with the map face sat down at the front in the very first row. I sat beside her. I’ve always liked churches. I like the way the air reverberates with a hum and how the electric fans spin lazily above you. I like the people who go in churches on Tuesday afternoons, the ones with repentance or pinchy high heel shoes. And I liked sitting among them, with a unanimous decision to leave the silence unwrinkled. I looked over at the girl with the map face. Her eyes were closed and her back was slumped and if I hadn’t known any better, I would’ve thought she was asleep. But I knew that behind her eyelids her pupils dilated and constricted and darted about as if she could still see it all.

 

We stayed in the church for a few minutes and then, startling me, the girl with the map face stood up and walked out. I stayed on the bench for a second and then ran to catch up. She was standing on the steps waiting for me. “Where to now?” She asked. The map crinkled as she smiled brilliantly at me. I shrugged. I liked that she left me speechless sometimes. “Are you hungry?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“Perfect.”

We walked down the street and as we turned at the corner she slipped her hand into mine.

 

After that Tuesday in October, I didn’t see her much. I looked for her when I passed the playground or at the orange juice in the supermarket. The other day I went by the church we had gone into. But for some reason our paths never crossed. Then one Saturday in November I was in my room when the phone rang. The telephone receiver was cold in my hand and the voice on the other end garbled. “Hello?”

“Johnny. It’s me.”

I knew who it was.

“Do you want to go to the museum tomorrow?”

Tomorrow?”

She laughed.

“Come on, Johnny!”

I thought about it for awhile. Or rather, I told myself I thought about it for awhile. I already knew what I was going to say.

“Alright. Let’s go to the museum.”

“Okay. Come to my house first.”

She hung up first.

 

The museum. We were going to the museum tomorrow. I liked the fact that she had called me first. I liked the fact that before calling she must’ve been thinking about me.

 

The museum was seven blocks and a long subway ride away. I met her at her house and then we walked to the train station. It was a pretty day, pink and blue and white sky and you could still see the moon a bit. The train was filled to the brim with people and they spilled out the second the doors burst open. We shuffled on and filled it back up with our haunted thoughts and plaid scarves and frozen breath. I leaned with my back against the pole and measured her with my eyes. She smiled silently at me and then slipped an earbud into my hand. We listened to songs I didn’t know. I tried to remember every word. I wanted to sing them to her.

 

We bought two tickets to an exhibit on the fourth floor, one I had never heard of. The art itself was unimportant to me. I just liked being with her. We talked about each piece and it didn’t matter that we were the only people talking. It didn’t matter that we were getting glared at from all directions. She made things stop mattering.

 

The girl with the map face seemed to always know the intent of the artist and exactly what the piece meant. Well perhaps she made it all up, but she said it with such conviction that I couldn’t help but think it was the only possible explanation.

 

After the exhibit we explored the gift shop. She slipped a postcard into her coat pocket. I pulled a pin up into my sleeve. We carried our stolen prizes outside, exchanging them on the street.

 

The day had changed from the pastel sky to a royal blue as we walked in the cold back to our lonesome block. “Come in,” she said as we stood outside her gate. We walked up the steps and she unlocked the door. In her room, a small one smelling of lavender, I sat on her bed while she rummaged beneath it for something. She pulled out a box and set it down beside me.

“These are pictures.”

“Of what?”

“Of everything. But mostly barbed wire. Barbed wire is one of my favorite things to photograph.”

She lifted off the lid and inside were hundreds of polaroids in mismatched stacks. I reached a hand in and pulled out a few. Barbed wire set against a blue sky, against a sunset, a dog in an alleyway, a lost shoe in a parking lot. A picture of herself, of a pale pink house, of a fire hydrant, of her friends. I pulled out stack after stack and looked at them all. She pointed out her favorites or told me what she was wearing the day she took it or something like that. And then I came across a picture of me. It was taken through the laundromat window on a day I didn’t remember.

“When did you take this?”

She thought. “I don’t remember exactly.”

I laughed a little bit thinking about my notebooks and about the endless stories I had written about her. Maybe I’d show them to her someday.

I felt strange when I was with her. I felt a gingerbread warmth that made your eyes sparkle and your cheeks blush, the bewilderment of Times Square and the rushing crowds like the tides, and a certain iciness and a fog over my eyes.

 

I reached home and sat on my bed staring off into the wall. A string of Christmas lights had appeared there.

 

* * * * * *

 

Over the next few weeks we went places. We went to the movies, to the beach, to libraries, we went to a casino. And then it was Christmas. And the thrift stores and Salvation Armies were filled to the brim with moth eaten red and green sweaters. And there were people in red bibs on corners, shying away from the cold and ringing their bells to keep their blood flowing. And then there was snow. There were snowmen in the streets and masses of children in the parks and I was in my pajamas staring out the window when I saw her. She was standing across the street in a long grey coat, and her cheeks were pink and her nose was pink, and her dark hair had a sprinkling of crystalline flakes glistening over it, and the map was blushing with chapped lips and melted snow. She didn’t look up at me, sitting alone by the window, drinking coffee and staring intently. Look up, look up, look up, I thought to myself. And then she did. And she laughed and smiled and waved up at me. I waved back and found myself thinking I had never seen someone look that good in New York City in the wintertime. She raised a Polaroid camera and I saw the flash go off. And then she skipped away, holding her developing photo to her chest. I smiled to myself and then went to watch TV.

 

“It’s funny how many songs there are about Santa Fe,” the girl with the map face said to me.

“How many are there?” I asked her.

“I don’t know… I can think of at least six just off the top of my head.”

“Well, why is that funny?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just never thought of Santa Fe as being important. You know, I could understand New York, or Texas, or California, and you know there are a lot about those. But why Santa Fe?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe people just like how irrelevant it is.”

“Well I’ve never been there. And I’ve never even thought about going there either.”

We were standing outside of a travel agency. The snow was falling heavily and everyone on the streets rushed past us. But we stood, in our overcoats and knit hats, outside of a travel agency. She turned to me.

“I want to see the Rockefeller tree.” She said with a smoky look in her eye.

“Let’s go see the tree.”

We took the F up to Rockefeller Center. As we walked we sang Christmas carols. She didn’t have a good voice but no one really cared. I didn’t have a good voice either. We shoved through the crowds and made our way up as close to the tree as you could get. She stood with her neck bent all the way back and stared with wonder. I looked at her and then at the tree, hoping to see whatever it was she thought so amazing. But all I saw was tree.

“It’s beautiful,” She murmured.

I shook my head. “I just see a tree.”

“But it’s more than that. Look closer.”

I did.

“See there, that’s the park where we met. And there, that’s the little church we went to. And there’s the museum. And there’s my backyard, the picnic we had. Don’t you see?”

I looked harder, and harder still.

And I didn’t see it.

Then she looked to me, “You see it don’t you?”

I looked to her. And that’s where I saw it. I saw it in her face. I saw wet pavements and Polaroids and sunsets and barbed wire. And it was breathtaking. I felt as though I was looking past her skin and past her skull, as if looking beyond the sky and seeing outer space.

“I see it,” I told her.

She nodded. “I see it too.”

 

We walked lazily home, swinging our arms. We stopped in a bar and got drunk and then swung our arms even more.

 

I walked her up to the porch of her house and kissed her sloppily on the cheek. That was Christmas Eve. And that was the last time I saw her. Some friends called me up Christmas morning and we went out to New Jersey and spent the day walking around and making fun of everything. I didn’t think about the girl with the map face until the next day, the day after Christmas, the loneliest day of the year for someone like me. I wanted to see her, but I didn’t call. And then a week later, on New Years day, I got a call from her. I wasn’t home for it, but after I got home from my friend’s party, I heard the message.

 

“Hey, Johnny. I… uh… It’s me. I need to tell you something.”

It was the first time the girl with the map face didn’t sound sure of herself.

“I’m leaving. I’m not leaving you, I’m just leaving… this. This place. I’m sorry, Johnny.”

She sounded so

“And It’s not as if I’ve been planning this for a while. I just decided. Last night. I’m so sorry, Johnny.”

Small. So unlike herself.

“I know you’re thinking about what you could’ve done to make me stay.”

I thought of what I could’ve done to make her stay.

“But I promise you, nothing. It was so absolutely not your fault, not anyone’s fault.”

I knew it was my fault. I knew I should’ve done something.

“Please Johnny, don’t be sad. Please just forget.”

Or she should’ve told me so that I could do something.

“I love you so much Johnny. I just woke up this morning and…”

She loved me. And yet she left me.

“I knew I needed to go to Santa Fe and I…”

She was in Santa Fe.

“I know why they write all the songs about it.”

“It’s because of the view. Because you can look around you and see everything, your whole life, spread out against the sand like a map.”

Like a map.

Like her.

 

* * * * * *

 

It’s been years since that day in rotten December. But I still write about her. I still stop outside of churches and travel agencies and listen for Santa Fe songs.

The map still hangs in the hallway. It’s grown a little bit since she left, it’s about the size of a doorway.

 

All in all she was classic rock radio stations and artificial cherry flavoring. She was leaves shaped like elephant ears and she was marathon runners and checkered floor tiles. She was black ankle boots and American Bandstand. I remember the days of the girl with the map face with a burnt orange kind of fondness.

 

I never saw her again. But once every year I receive a blank Santa Fe postcard and a pressed flower in the mail. There is no return address, no note. Yet even an idiot would know who it was from.

 

End.

Not Sure What You Mean by Unrelatable: A Study in Humanities

I never skip class. I’ve never just not gone to a class. Sure, I’ve taken “sick” days and days where I’ve actually been lying on my couch with a 102 degree fever, but skipping class? Coming in late? Never. Nada. Not happening.

 

But, on May 24, that all changed.

 

“MOM!” I yelled from my bed that morning.

 

My alarm had gone off at 6:30,  but was I getting up? No way in hell.

 

“What’s wrong?” my mom said, rushing into my room. I never bother my parents in the morning: one of my dad’s favorite things to brag about to his co-workers is that I can get up and make breakfast on my own.

 

“I’m not going to humanities this morning,” I said smugly.

 

Humanities. Humanities.

 

The night before, I had gotten a C- on my Great Gatsby essay. The essay that I had started a week before it was due, that I actually made an outline for, and that I had put many hours into. I had come up with my own topic and ran with it. I had put so much thought and effort into this piece. Here is an excerpt from my not-done-the-night-before essay that I actually cared about:

 

The Great Gatsby is a book that tricks you. It tricks you into thinking that the theme and the characters are unrelatable, but,  when digging deeper, it is evident that everyone can identify with at least one character in some way–and that is what is the most painful and the most shocking about this novel. Each of these main characters reflects and reminds us of a part of ourselves, which proves the Great Gatsby to be an “inclusive” novel.  

 

When I was sure my argument was well-developed and it was perfectly proofread, I electronically submitted the paper at 11pm.

 

I went to go take a shower and when I came back to the computer to finish up some math homework, I saw that I had one new email from my very favorite, should have won the teacher-of the-year-award, humanities teacher. (He actually has published 7 books and has a PHD from an Ivy League and has taught at schools such as Harvard, Brown, and Sarah Lawrence College, but still.)

 

I took a deep breath, and opened up the email. I mean, I wasn’t that nervous. I felt more confident than usual, since I had put in so much thought and care into this essay.

 

Jane, he starts off,

See my comments on the attached. What’s good about this essay is that you make a real effort… The problem — it’s a big one — is that you don’t really support your assertion with evidence. I’d like to see you work on this some more. I’m hoping that the detailed feedback will give you a map. We can also meet if you’d like. I give this paper a C-.

 

Ok, first of all, can I just say that I hate when teachers say, “We can also meet if you’d like” after they give you a horrible grade? I mean, come on, you couldn’t have met with me before I got the C-? And now that I hate you because you’ve given me the bad grade, I am NEVER meeting with you.

 

Second of all, the detailed feedback he had sent me included words and phrases such as, “Awkward”, “confused”, and, my personal favorite, “Not sure what you mean by unrelatable.”

 

I’m sorry, but how can a guy who graduated from, like, five different Ivy League schools not understand the word “unrelatable?”

 

Also, let me just add in that none of this supposedly “detailed feedback” was bolded…or colored…or italicized…so I had to search high and low in this seemingly-cursed word document for his critiques. At one point, I thought that I had forgotten to proofread, but then I realized that it was just him.

 

But, anyway, back to this so-called genius not being able to understand what “unrelatable” meant. Listen, I haven’t even written seven books (yet) nor do I have a well-thought-of American History blog where I talk about my students (yes, true story,) but I can certainly tell you what “unrelatable” means.

 

Unrelatable means something that you can’t relate to.

 

Yeah, yeah, I know that you’re not supposed to use the actual word when defining the word, but whateversave that for your SAT tutor. When you can’t relate, it means that you don’t feel a connection. You don’t feel connected to whatever it is you’re seeing, learning, or, in this case, reading. Even though the word “unrelatable” isn’t technically a dictionary-definition-kind-of word, it’s the kind of “urban dictionary” word where you should be able to use your common sense to figure out what it means! The novel appears unrelatable, even though it really is relatable…duh!

 

So, clearly, my point about The Great Gatsby being unrelatable didn’t seem to “connect” with this humanities teacher.

 

Which brings me back to the morning of May 24, the day that will go down in history, when I skipped my first ever class.

(Well, okay, I didn’t technically “skip” it…my mom called the school office and told them I was coming in late because I had a “doctors appointment.” But still, I missed humanities that morning and that was all that mattered.)

That entire morning I sat in bed, computer in lap, with my Gatsby book by my side. For some reason, I was determined to fix this paper. I don’t know why, either, because I’m usually the type of person who brings out my inner Cher from Clueless to try to find a way to negotiate with/sue my teachers in order to give me a better grade, but this time was different. I was determined to get this paper back to Mr. Humanities that very night.

 

It was kind of weird, actually. But then again, I’ve never gotten an email like that from a teacher nor have I ever started a paper the week before it was due and worked to no end, so I’m guessing that’s probably why.

 

So, all day and all night I slaved away on that stupid paper. I found tons of new quotes, tried to make my thesis more clear, in other words, make something that was more up Mr. Humanities’ alley and less up mine. And I even changed my title. Come on, you know when you change a freakin’ title of an essay that means you really revised it.

 

I e-mailed the re-write of the essay at around midnight, and went to bed feeling extremely relieved and maybe a little cocky. I was done with that Great Gatsby essay forever, and I sent my re-write in less than 24 hours. I deserve at least, like, nine awards. Probably more.

 

Jane, Mr. Humanities’ reply to my re-write starts off.

 

This is better. The thesis is clear and you’ve gotten rid of the a lot of the distracting, unsupported assertions. As I note, though, the quality of your evidence is not quite as strong as I think it should be; you don’t seem to pick your examples with as much care as I’d like to see. So while I think it’s certainly acceptable — I’ve changed your grade to a B — I invite you to work on this some more. But that’s up to you. Have a good weekend.

 

You know what, Mr. Humanities? No. I’m not going to have a good weekend. In fact, you’ve ruined my weekend…so don’t even bother signing your uppity email with that.

At this point, I was ready to accept the B. (Wow, Mr. Humanities, maybe I’ll make that the title of my next book) I mean, a B is not the end of the world. I had worked hard enough on that essay (all in less than 48 hours, may I add), so why not just call it a day and take the B?

But then, I checked my overall grade point average in humanities…

and decided not to take the B.

 

So, by now, you all probably know the drillI sat not in my bed but on my couch this time, with my computer in my lap and my stupid god-damned Great Gatsby book by my side. By now, it felt like me and F. Scott Fitzgerald were old pals. Mr. Humanities wanted me to add a motive to my paper, which he defined as the “so-what?” in an essay. So why does your argument matter?

I worked all day, I worked all night, and by the end of the weekend, I was finally done (literally and figuratively) with this stupid essay that has made me never want to see the Great Gatsby movie.

 

This time, I had changed my argument to one I didn’t agree with and didn’t like. I used all the big words I could find on Wordreference.com, found even more quotes, and even made a bibliography, which wasn’t even necessary, but I obviously had to spice things up a little bit. I saved the essay, hit send (with a subject line of GREAT GATSBY WITH MOTIVE, just in case he didn’t understand that I was now writing the essay for him and not for me), and closed my computer. I never wanted to see another word document again.

 

Monday morning, I sat in my free period at school, and checked my email. I knew that his reply to my reply to his reply to my reply to his reply was sitting in my inbox.

And it was.

Jane, he wrote, like usual.

This essay continues to improve. I do think you understand what a motive is now  that’s good. As I mentioned last time, I might have liked to see you refine your evidence, and in particular I might have liked to see a motive that goes beyond essentially agreeing with an author and making a more original statement. But there’s no question that this piece has a clear argument, buttressed by real evidence and an evident structure. I hope you feel these revisions have strengthened your sense of craft. Revised grade: A-

 

Thank God! Finally, an email from him that didn’t require me to re-write something?! I thought this day would never come. And I get an A-? Wow, Christmas must have come early this year. Humanity for all!

 

 

I am a Lemon

I am a lemon

a fresh new lemon picked from

a tree

but the thing is

I was picked too early

I was picked before my skin turned yellow

before my shell stopped being white

 

I am a lemon

a lemon ready to be juiced

but I have already

had every last drop

squeezed out

 

I am a lemon

that’s juice

is not even remotely sweet
so you have to empty out

your remaining sugar

into a pitcher

and find my once bitterness

gave you type 2

diabetes

 

I am a lemon

that is perched on the side

of your margarita

but I fell in

and sank to the bottom

of the glass

and made your drink

impossible to sip

and savor

because

 

I am a lemon

and I am too strong

to be dealt with

and too weak to be forgotten

and too bitter to carry on.

 

 

 

 

We Shatter Glass Globes

Euphony

 

 

The pads of fingers kiss and synchronize with gravel tunes

and smooth notes, quick meter

and bounce

snap

baby, do you wanna dance?

 

Pointed nails trace lines and lyrics

and engrave them onto the nape of your neck

and mama tells you

she is sad

 

Violet violas play

as we lift up up and up

conducting with our pinkies

I see, I feel, I hear

light

 

She prays in spanish

clasps a golden cross

between her interlaced palms

She is thanking through furrowed brows

and speaks singsong

 

I complain about his knuckles,

swollen from beating his drum, punching bags, and cold faces

he replies in clops of drunken laughter

and blue bellows

 

 

 

Up

 

 

She climbed sedentary cement-levels

escalating through the house-front hole

lined with photosynthesizing unflowers

 

Fractured letter-post read “Thank you for caring”

iron-oxidized, corrosive

gnarly-hydroburnt

burnt

burn

 

She witnessed

dissociating benumb-white chill

idiosyncratic beads of saltsnow

both on the pavement and brimming the see-spheres of aunts and cousins

 

Inside smelled of coy co-chemicals

snuffed by undulating back-noise

gentle upcurved liplines that were quasi-fermented or rather,

rotten

 

Down the intra-footfalls

was light

and a casket

 

She imagined the lower person-place beamed boisterosity

saw his palms permeate pendulumic light

heard kinder loud-letter words

soft-spoke organic condolences

 

Still she remained at the uplevel

in troposphere of precipitated cumulus

not daring to dive

 

Up was unheavy

 

And there were finches

caged in encumbered plexi-clear

dipped in wavelength wing trails

crests and troughs hyper-reciprocated

always resurfacing

An Ode

 

 

A child

Deserving innocence

And undulating imagination

She knows nothing real

she will learn nothing physical

 

Mass renders gravity

And wakes

and crumpled cars

and broken bones and the first days of school; the world-rules

They only procure see-sphere tears

and foggy eye-ozone

 

My child

How her heart dilates

and her pupils pulsate-pump

In wonder and novel maturity

She sheds her adolescent hubris

Embalmed in adulthood rigor

 

She sprints through the increments

Exclaiming, “This year I will be brave and dance and I will be temerarious and wily

and I will be incisive and subdued and reluctantly phlegmatic

and I will be sometimes blue

 

I will learn about anti-motion emotion and I will master tardiness and I will gain

a few seething pimples, but of course, never pop them

I will quote Sophocles and misspell Oedipus Rex, and I will reinvent the alphabet,

eliminating the sequence ‘ine’ because it stifles round vowels and

breath

 

And I will be an un-childish”

 

Our un-child,

How she lives our love

 

Missing Mae

Bill woke up one morning and noticed he hadn’t quite realized how loudly his knees creaked before. He hadn’t noticed just how cold the hardwood floors got in the winter, hadn’t seen all the dirt on the windows. Had there even been any dirt, before Mae died? The stairs had been a challenge for a while, now. He kept meaning to buy a new cane after the other one broke a few days ago, but he never could bring himself to leave the house.

Soon, he knew, the food his son had bought when he’d been there two weeks ago would run out. Jack had bought him what felt like a year’s supply of food; Mae left the house constantly, so she only used to buy a few days’ worth of food at a time. And she was a wonderful cook, too. That’s what he’d first noticed about her when they started dating.

When he finally got down the stairs, Bill looked around at the living room. When had it gotten so dim-looking? Like an old folks’ home, he thought, that’s how it looks. And Bill always swore to himself he’d never let himself get stuck in an old folks’ home. He sat down on the couch, slowly. The dent in the cushion from years of sitting felt like an old friend. Bill always personified things. The therapist he’d once had had said it could be a sign of something serious. Bill didn’t know about that, much. Mae had said she loved his personifications, when he told her what Dr. Baxter had said.

He felt bad for the cushion that Mae used to sit in. He could relate to it. They both missed Mae. But at least Mae’s old cushion still had Bill’s cushion as a partner. Bill was on his own.

The phone rang, and Bill realized he should have listened to his neighbor and put a phone nearer to the couch. It was so hard just to stand up lately. And he’d only just sat down.

He groaned, feeling a pain in his back that he was starting to think maybe he should call a doctor about. “I’m coming,” he said to nobody in particular; maybe to the phone. “Hello?” he said, once he finally reached the other side of the room.

“Dad,” came the voice. “How you doing? How do you feel? Gone outside?” It was Jack.

“Yeah, I’m fine, kiddo,” said Bill. “Gone on walks, been to the…park.” It was all a lie, of course. But Bill had never been good at asking his son for help. And his son had never been good at knowing when Bill was lying.

“Great, great. Well, just checking in, making sure you’re doing okay. If you need anything, let me know, alright? I’m just a few miles away.”

“I’m sure I’ll be just fine, thanks. Tell Melissa I say hello.”

“Will do. Bye, Dad,” Jack said, and hung up. Back on the sofa, Bill turned on the television. He’d never watched it much when Mae was around. Now he could barely remember what he did when Mae was around. But it sure as hell didn’t have anything to do with a television.

He clicked the on button and the screen lit up, a man he didn’t like the look of yelling at him to “BUY USED CARS TODAY!” and holding a big blue flag. Bill changed the channel and another man he didn’t recognize, but assumed was famous, was being extensively talked about by a group of young men and women. All the people, all at once, unrecognizable, upset him. He didn’t know these people, didn’t know what they talked about, couldn’t even hear their voices clearly. And they made him feel so alone. He shut off the television in a hurry, ready to escape them all.

But what next? He really did need more food, really did need a cane. And he wouldn’t accomplish much by staying seated on the lonely couch forever. Bill barely knew where a person would go to get what he needed. Target, he’d heard Mae talk about. Target. She’d said there was one on every corner, it felt like. His stomach jolted when he thought about leaving the house, being in a room full of strangers. And he would need help, wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t he need help navigating what he assumed to be a big store? That meant talking to someone new.

Maybe I could have Jack do this, he thought. But worse than the thought of a room full of strangers was the thought of needing his son desperately. Needing anyone desperately. Bill had only let him buy the food because Jack hadn’t asked. Just showed up with it all.

The old man put his head in his hands. He’d known this would have to happen, sometime. Finding his way in the world without Mae, though…always seemed like it could never happen. And he never thought it’d happen this early, if ever.

His stomach growled angrily up at him. I can’t do this anymore, he thought.

And he felt like a coward. He felt angry.

The walls were suddenly the ugliest yellow he’d ever seen; the color of rotten mustard and dirty teeth. The carpet was too thick. He hated how he could see the little spills of coffee, or maybe tea. He hated how the kitchen table had to have a thin plastic-y tablecloth because he couldn’t trust himself with a normal, cloth one anymore.

And Bill hated himself. He felt nauseous, disgusted with himself and his old age and his horrible house. It was never a horrible house back when Mae lived in it, even though he assumed it must’ve looked just the same. But it couldn’t have looked just the same; Mae changed it.

At least the nausea meant he lost his appetite. With a grim smile, he thought that if only he could stay disgusted with himself, he would never have to eat again.

He pushed himself up from the couch, aching as he did so. He immediately regretted his decision; he realized he didn’t have a plan for what to do after he stood. But there stood Bill, head rushing from standing up with what didn’t used to qualify as speed. They had a guest room on the first floor of the house, so Bill decided to go to sleep. Maybe it was about time to move into that room permanently. His hunger was back.

He hadn’t wanted to touch the canned foods that Mae had left in the cellar. He didn’t want to disrupt anything Mae had made with her own hands. He would figure it out when he woke up.

The bed was softer than the one upstairs. This was a relief; it gave him an excuse to switch bedrooms. Not that there was anyone he would have to give an excuse to. But he almost felt like he had to give Mae an excuse for why he left the bedroom they’d shared for so many years in exchange for one that Mae had barely touched.

Bill’s eyes shut, his stomach crying out one more time. Eventually he would have to disrupt the cans of food.

He awoke when a shout came from the street. He turned his head and saw a little girl running past his window, chasing a little boy. The trees aren’t happy with the children’s noise, Bill thought. Neither am I. He wished he could let the trees know he understood, let them know they weren’t alone in their feelings.

He laid there for a moment, surprised to find himself in the guest room. “What the hell?” he muttered.

And then he got hit with remembrance, at the same time feeling a pang of hunger.

He decided he wouldn’t let himself starve; besides, Mae made that food for a reason. Why let all her hard work go to waste?

Slowly, he went downstairs, eventually reaching the door. It was heavier than he remembered, but it had been years since he’d tried to open it. It creaked loudly, and the smell of dust came through the doorway. The light flickered on once he managed to make the stiff switch budge upward. And there were shelves and shelves of jars and cans.

The jars were full of what looked like pickles, olives, blue and red and purple jams.

There were cans of peaches, raspberries, pineapples, and pears. Mae had also kept paper towels on the lower shelves, though Bill wasn’t sure how well he could bend to reach those. He was so relieved to see how well Mae had prepared for a storm. But it saddened him, knowing that she would never know how helpful she’d been. And his pride in her only made him miss her more.

With a sigh, Bill pulled down a can of peaches and a jar of pickles. He hoped he made the right decision. He didn’t want to upset the other foods. “Goodbye,” he said, as he flicked off the light to the cellar and made his way upstairs. He would be back for dinner.

The stairs groaned sadly as he stepped on each one, the wooden planks unused to his heavy feet.

When he reached the kitchen, Bill found the can opener and a bowl. He dumped the peaches in, only realizing afterward that he didn’t even like peaches much. But then again, he didn’t like anything, much, anymore.

He sat in the chair and ate the peaches quickly. He barely even tasted them, but smiled as he thought of Mae’s careful hands slicing the peaches what must have been years ago.

The window watched him, feeling his loneliness. The old man felt bad and, with a great deal of effort, shut the blinds. He didn’t want to cause any sadness to anyone else.

When the peaches were done, he didn’t want the pickles. He left them on the table, figuring he could use them for dinner. He rinsed out the bowl and placed it on a towel to dry.

He had a headache; he could feel it coming on. He walked to the bathroom and forgot what he went there for the moment he saw his reflection. He looked like the dogs with sad eyes and droopy ears. Bloodhounds. He used to have a bloodhound named Georgia. He missed Georgia, now, too. When had his eyes gotten so bagged and wrinkled? When had his hair become so thin? He used to be a handsome man, he knew. In high school he’d had many girlfriends, but hadn’t liked any of them much. He’d never been in love till his sophomore year of college, when he met Mae.

He nearly walked away without the aspirin, but the dull throbbing in his head reminded him once more.

He opened the bottle but couldn’t pick which pills to take. He felt that if he offended one it would surely not work the way he wanted it to. “I’ll dump the bottle and take the first two,” he said. He felt that this satisfactorily explained the situation to the pills.

Bill poured two pills into his hand. “Sorry,” he said into the rest of the bottle, and shut it. Swallowing the medicine, he hoped he’d made the right decision. He didn’t want to hurt anyone.

He was suddenly tired again. It was four o’clock. He walked into the guest room and laid down again, on the other side of the bed this time. He decided to spend an equal amount of time on each side of the bed, so that both sides felt useful. He would do his best to make the bed feel as if Mae was in it, too.

He couldn’t fall asleep as quickly, this time. He just sat in the bed, thinking that maybe he should read. Or maybe he should try the television one more time. He might as well get used to it. Maybe he would learn to like it, even.

After what felt like hours, Bill decided to leave the room and read. The bed was unhappy that he hadn’t slept, he knew. It felt like it hadn’t done its job. It probably wished he was Mae. He couldn’t blame it. He would wish the same.

When he reached the bookshelf he realized he hadn’t read since before Jack visited. It’s been too long since I’ve used my brain, Bill thought. He shut his eyes, randomly choosing a book from the shelf.

Reading felt good. It felt like he was himself again. He didn’t know why he hadn’t done it in so long. Time felt faster when he read. Until he remembered that he was alone in the room. Then he could barely read the words, so he shut the book and stared out the window. The worst thing about missing someone, he thought, is that the only thing that could ever make you feel better is being with them. He couldn’t escape. He said, “how could you do this to me?” And the pattern on the rug swirled and he swore he could see Mae’s face for a moment. She was disappointed, he knew. He wasn’t living well enough without her. And she had always taken such good care of him.

The phone rang, distracting him momentarily. He picked up. “Dad!” said Jack.

“Hey there,” Bill replied. “How are you, son?”

“I’m fine. You know I’m calling to ask you the same thing.”
“I’m doing alright. Read a book, ate some peaches, took a nap. Took a walk. Went to the grocery store. Learning to like the television, even. I’m doing great.” Bill was lying through his teeth, praying the bit about the TV wasn’t too far-fetched for his son.

It wasn’t. “That’s really great, Dad. So good to hear. Do you need anything? Mel and I are on our way to the mall now, anyway, and it’s not that far from your house.”

“I’m really fine. Don’t worry about a thing.”

“Alright, if you’re sure. Bye, Dad.”

“See you.” And he hung up with a click.

Bill had never been a religious man. He wasn’t disdainful of religion; he just hadn’t felt that he could use it in his own life. But lately he’d been praying.

When Mae started looking worse and worse, he prayed that she would live.

After she died, he prayed that he would be able to live without her.

And now he prayed for this again, but with a little less hope.

He also prayed that his son would never realize the poor shape his lonely father was in.

He was embarrassed. The walls were seeing him in a way he’d hoped they never would. He felt that Mae could see him through the walls. He wished he could be somewhere empty, somewhere where there were no walls or cushions or pills to be saddened by his inability to live without Mae.

The floor wished it could help him, the empty can of peaches he had thrown out earlier thought it deserved something more than just being tossed in the garbage. It deserved a monument. The burned-out lightbulb on the ceiling was upset that Bill had been ignoring it for so long. The whole world pitied Bill. And he hated being pitied.

He felt trapped, but didn’t want to go outside. He couldn’t bear the thought of opening himself up to more people’s sympathetic eyes. The sadness of his own house was bad enough.

So there he was, standing by the phone, praying as best as he knew how. He hoped it would be enough.

“I know I don’t pray a lot,” he said out loud. “I hope you don’t hold that against me. I just…things aren’t going so well.” He cringed when he heard himself say this. “I’m fine,” he decided, unable to leave his previous words just hanging in the air.

 

What Doesn’t Kill U Can Only Make U Stronger

INTRO

They say what don’t kill you will make you stronger. I’m still here, so what does that mean? The hood has a way of engulfing everything in its path and spitting it back up. They say there aren’t many places for young black men like me. 75% are sitting in the pin. 20% laying in a coffin. 4% are lucky to get a job at a chicken spot. But there’s that 1% that makes something of themselves. That 1% does whatever it takes.

 

Chapter 1

I’m James B. Smith. I have long black hair. The shortey love a dude with longer hair than most of their friends. I was born in Harlem but lived in Bronx all my life. I was named after my father. I guess the scars of him raping her and beating her half to death wasn’t enough for my mother. It’s bad enough that every time she looks at me, all she can see is him. Ever since he went in for life bid, all she does is lay in her bed and stick needles in her arm.

 

It seems if you don’t get pulled in by the diamond bags, you get pulled in by the scumbags that call themselves Bloods. My older brother was too strong for the dimes, but he needed money so he joined the Bloods and started doing crime. He used to always say, “I’m doing this so you never go to sleep hungry.” But he got so deep in the game, it ended up being that he was the only one hungry. The game ain’t nothing to play with. You got to be hungry for it or it will throw you in with the wolves.

 

But I’ve always known closed mouths don’t get fed. You have to give a little to get a little. Living in the hood, I would see them dudes on the corner on the way to school every day singing the same old song and dance and when I got back from school they still in the same place I left them.  These dudes feel that they were put in this cage called hood and there was no way out . They feel that is all life has to given. My father was a bitch, my mother was a jokey, there no place for me but on this streets. If I don’t go and get mines who will?

 

Chapter 2

If I’m not playing chess on the computer, I’m hanging with my friends. There is Charles who thinks he could be Lebron James. But he couldn’t make a jump shot if his life depended on it. Then there is B.J., Charles’ little brother who thought he was the Mac Daddy with that big hole in his ADIDAS.

 

Then there was my home girl Brittany, but we call her Flicks. She had a way of putting the most beautiful thing and the worst thing in a frame together.

 

 

Chapter 3

I first started playing chess when I was 7-years-old. There was something about being able to think ahead and learning to predict what comes next. But chess is only a hobby. It will not take you any where. Then it hit me. I know what I had to earn.
There was something my mother used to say: God works in mysterious ways. That’s before the needle became more important than God. And at the very moment, I turn on the TV and there it was….my way out of the hood.

 

Chapter 4

A chess tournament for $10,000 and a chance to go to Stuyvesant High School. But you must have a rank of 200 or more and I had no rank. I wasn’t raised like one of them little white prick rich kids or I didn’t have a grandfather who thought that chess would bring them closer or the parents who want their kid to be everything they wasn’t. Instead, I am a young black male from the Bronx whose never thought that he would have the opportunity to sit among other 8th graders and do the one thing I love without being judged. But I was determined to fight hard.

 

 

Chapter 5

I spent days in the library looking at French master, British master, anything I could get my hands on.  I had never stepped a foot in a library before.  I always had a library card, but I never thought I would use it. The librarian could tell that I had never been in the library before. It was a small lady, probably hispanic, with long grey hair.

I approached the desk and said, “Do you have any books about chess?”

She looked up and said, “Yes. Aisle 3.”

I started reading.

She approached me and asked “What are you so interested in?”

 

One day on my way leaving the library I ran into Flicks. At first, I didn’t want anyone to know but I thought it would be nice to have someone to cry on when I lose. Or someone to hug if I win and get this money.

 

Plus my mother will be too wasted to leave her bed. Charles and BJ would be too hood for the white folks. They scare one white girl with those lame punch lines “If you go black you can’t go back.”

 

Then there was Flicks. She is smart. She can hide her slang, and I’m dying to be her new star in one of her new portfolios.

 

The day after I told Flicks about my tournament, she invited me to play chess with some of her friends. I decided to take Flicks up for her invitation. I was surprised that it wasn’t a bunch of nerds, kids with big framed glasses, and braces. In no time, I felt fine. It felt like chess was normal. There was nothing to be ashamed of.

 

 

I started to go to small tournaments in junior high school.

 

The first time I walked into one of these tournaments, I had never seen a gym with both rims still attached. The floor was so clean,you could eat on it without your sandwich turning black and bathroom had no graffiti at all. I now realize that I was a long way from the hood .

 

I was scared shitless. Every time I moved, a piece my heart dropped. The game only lasted 30 minutes, but it seemed like forever. She never looked up. She was zoned to the board. Her face was like a stone-faced killer. Each time she called “check” she would make this face like “What, you don’t want none of this?”

 

I failed many tests and lost my basketball games, but losing to her made me feel so bad. It took a lot from me. I lost so much confidence. It didn’t matter that I won all the rest of my games that day. I felt like I didn’t want to play chess ever again.

 

Chapter 6

 

If I had just beat the 9 year old I would have came in first place. I also learned there was a lesson to be learned from my experience. My first lesson was: never underestimate your opponent.

 

The next tournament I went to, I found some friends that I used to play chess with in school. I was 4-0. I had one game left. I ended up playing one of my old friends, Anthony. While we played, we chopped it up about old times. Losing my focus, I ended up turning a game I should have won into a draw. My second lesson: no one is your friend during the game. Only opponents.

 

When you do something, you develop skills at what you are doing. I learned that king may the most important piece on the board. But what is a man without his woman beside him, holding him down? So with that said, you can now understand why all the power goes to the queen on the board. The best way to break a man down, go for his heart. Nothing hurts a man more than taking his woman. That’s why most people crumble when I take their queen. Even if it means the best way to do it is queen for queen. For me, these girls aren’t loyal. Which brings me to my last lesson: it’s not over til it’s over.

 

Chapter 7

 

They say money makes the world go round. So my world is about to become square. Tournament after tournament. It was becoming harder and harder to find money to get there and back, and each tournament used to cost $5 but now it was $10. And the the final tournament costed $200 to enter. But that wasn’t the biggest problem I had.

 

Chapter 8

 

See as much as I talk down about my mother, I lover her and us as kids never realized that becoming a parent doesn’t come with a book on how to deal with your kids, “Parenting 101.” There is one rule that I never understood. Why is it that there are some things a woman can’t teach a man?

 

I guess that what I’m trying to say is through it all, all I got is her and all she got is me.

 

I guess I’m writing this ‘cause there are people in my life I say “They’re old, so they going to die. Or they’re sick, so I need to say my goodbyes and farewells, but not my mother!!”

 

Chapter 9

 

Losing my mother never crossed my mind. It hurt watching her in the ER due to an overdose. Watching her there and knowing that there was nothing I could do, that can eat a person up. From the inside.

 

I sat there thinking about all the things I wanted to tell her, about all the things I was sorry for or if I didn’t say I love you enough. I felt so weak, I fell to my knees, and begged God not to take her from me. I stayed on my knees and kept begging all night long. The next morning I was on my way to school from the hospital, I was just leaving her room when I heard a soft voice that said, “James baby, is that you? Come and sit with Momma.” I was so happy. I guess this was the start of a new life.

 

Chapter 10

 

A week after my mom overdosed, I was helping washing clothes. I went to put her socks in her clothes drawer and I found two needles and a crack spoon that was still warm. Three weeks after I felt that things were getting better.

 

I remember leaving for school. When I left, she was sleeping. I got off school late, so I decided to get my mother some flowers. When I got home, she was still sleeping, so I put the flowers in some water. Then I went to tuck her in, and there was the needle still sitting in her arm.

 

Chapter 11

 

Seeing that hurt me. That I cared about her life more than she did. I guess that she was willing to give up and leave me all alone. If she wanted to waste her life with them drugs, then I’m going to keep on living, with or without her. But I was left with a lot of questions that were left unanswered, so I needed to go to the only person who understands my mother more than I do.

 

Chapter 13

 

All I could think about on this long drive to my father in Sing Sing is how a man could do what my father did and still live to think about it every day and not want to die. My mother loved him, and would have done anything for him. I guess my mother named me after him because I reminded her of all the good things about my father that she loved.

 

 

Chapter 14

 

When he approached to the glass, I sat down I didn’t expect him to look so calm and at peace and educated. He looked nothing like the young thug who liked to hurt women like I expected. He looked at me and said, “Are you taking care of her?” And then sent me an envelope with $200 and said, “Keep playing chess,” and walked away. But I still had so many questions that were unanswered and how the hell did he know that I was playing chess?

 

Chapter 15

After waiting, the day was here. It was game time. Flicks looked at me and said, “No matter what happens, you are still the only man I’ve ever wanted.” She then gave me a big kiss, and walked away. I’m not going to lie, my legs felt like noodles and I was sweating bullets but it was like zero degrees in the room. I always thought that Brittany was cute, but I never felt like she would give me the time of day. “No”, I said, “I gotta get my head in the game. It’s game time.”

 

Chapter 16

My first opponent was a little white girl with green eyes, and she looked like she was more scared than me. I was beginning to be able to see her fear and it gave me confidence. With each piece I moved, I saw her lose her confidence. I beat her and moved to the second round.

 

My next opponent was a young Mexican boy. He could only speak Spanish, and all he could say was, “My name is Jesus.” Looking at him, he looked dumb. It looked like he couldn’t even read the label on the board or figure out which piece was black and white. I forgot the first rule I learned while working to get here (don’t underestimate your opponents). But I guess I understood when he said, “Jaque mate.” I lost, but now I understood if I won it, any chance at winning this tournament I had to use. Everything I learned in my struggles to get where I am now. Plus, I worked too hard to get this far and I was not going to give up now.

 

My third opponent looked more focused on his music than on playing this game. By me seeing him not focused, I decided to also not focus. Keep looking in the stands for Flicks. Finally when I decided to get my head in the game, it was over. I had lost.

 

Chapter 17

My next opponent was Linda, the Chinese girl I had played in my first tournament, but now I knew her name and her game, and I was going to bring my A-game and something new up my sleeve. Do you remember the librarian I met while searching in the library? It just so happens that she was two-time chess champion. She showed me something which is called the “French Opening.” It goes like this: pawn to E4, knight to F3, pawn to D4, knight to C3, bishop to E3, and last but not least bishop to D3. I sat through all this whole game I had this glow of confidence and if it couldn’t get any better, my mother was clean for six months now and there cheering me on at the tournament. But I still didn’t see Flicks.

 

Chapter 18

This was the last step, but I was nowhere ready for what came next. I was walking toward my board, and I looked and there was Flicks. Flicks was my final opponent. I didn’t even know she played chess. This was the longest and hardest game of my life. I had to sort my emotions from my thoughts or it would’ve been tragedy in this game. But if I was willing to lose, it would be for her. I wouldn’t have any regrets or any second thoughts about it. I know that the rules are that I must look at her as my opponent, but she’s not my opponent, she’s my friend. I really didn’t care that I lost the tournament because I had something better. I had friends and family that love me. And that’s something school can’t teach you or money can’t buy you.

 

Chapter 19

While I was playing chess, my mom was at work, trying to get me a future. My mom had applied me for a spot in Stuyvesant and little did I know, one of the judges was the director of Stuyvesant. He was amazed by my intelligence and gave me an opportunity at Stuyvesant.

 

Chapter 20

I won two out of five games, and walked away with a strong head and an understanding of life. My mom has been clean for a year and six months. Brittany and I have been dating for a year now. The last time I heard about Charles and DJ, they were involved in a gunfight with some group of kids that call themselves Young Stunners. DJ was killed and Charles is doing twelve years in prison for drugs. My father and I write each other all the time. I’ve been in Stuyvesant for at least a year now. I attain all A’s, and I work at a chicken spot part time to pay for my stay at Stuyvesant. As for Flick, she’s that one percent that I was talking about. She is working part-time for a newspaper and the best photographer that Stuyvesant ever had. That’s why they say what don’t kill you makes you stronger. But I’m still here. What does that mean?

 

 

Should The Government Ban Large Sodas?

Mayor Bloomberg recently prohibited the sale of sugary drinks larger than 16 ounces at movie theaters, food carts, and restaurants. Bloomberg has done this due to the rise in obesity. He believes that obesity has been a looming challenge for the nation as a whole, not just because of their health, but economically in paying for the treatments of diseases caused by obesity. Although these statements are true, I think the mayor is going a little too far.

Imagine a new movie just released in the theaters. Moe and his friends are going to the theater as we speak. They enter the concession stand, about to buy some popcorn to share. Moe is ready to choose his favorite soda, extra large. He orders it, and is all done by the time the movie over. Moe goes home, has a dinner of fried chicken, french fries, and another couple of Cokes. And some cake. And a cookie or two. And a bag of chips. Bloomberg is curious and interviews Jeff. Jeff is some guy that works at the movie theater. He recalls 15 large drinks have been bought in only the past hour. He distresses for humanity. So does Bloomberg.

The mayor then comes up with a plan. It’s simple, but he’s sure it will be the most effective. Ban large drinks all together! Forbid Moe to ever lay his eyes on a 16-ounce Coke again. He imagines Moe with his salad and glass of milk at home. Ordering the healthy options in restaurants!

Then imagine a new movie is just released. Moe and his friends are going to the theater as we speak. They enter the concession stand, about to buy some popcorn to share. Moe is ready to choose his favorite soda, extra large. Just as he asks, Jeff tells him Mayor Bloomberg banned all large sodas. Moe is really depressed, so he orders a medium Coke and five bags of Cheetos. He is all done by the time the movie is over. Moe goes home, has a dinner of a jumbo cheeseburger, french fries, and another couple of Cokes. And some cake. And a cookie or two. And a bag of chips. Angry Moe emails Jeff.

Bloomberg is left with a sudden outburst from the community. Americans around the world are outraged. The mayor wants to see if the ban helped in the movie theaters. He interviews Jeff. Jeff tells him that there were no sodas sold (obviously). The mayor is overjoyed! But then Jeff informs him that 25 medium cokes were sold. And there was a 20% increase of popcorn purchases. Bloomberg becomes extremely at loss.

Jeff then forwards the email from Moe to Bloomberg. It reads: “This is a ridiculous argument. Americans have the right to drink what they want. You should invest in bigger problems! Education and the homeless. If people want to be obese, that’s their problem and their choice. It’s not hurting anyone but us. This ban isn’t going to change anything at all.” Bloomberg opens the email and takes it into consideration. What if Bloomberg remembered how Americans’ diets were still unhealthy? That people were still making bad food choices? What if Bloomberg then realized one size of one category of drinks in one place isn’t going to save the diet of humanity? He needed a plan.

Imagine a new movie is released in theaters (again). Moe and his friends are going to the theater as we speak (again). They enter the concession stand, about to buy some popcorn to share. Moe is about to order a medium soda, and nachos, and his own personal bag of popcorn because he’s feeling antisocial due to the shock of the large soda being banned. Then, he saw a poster. It explained how much little choices can mean. It informed about health and the rising obesity of Americans. As Moe read, he decided to try to make a healthier choice. He looked up at the food options: Nachos, corn dogs, chips, large sodas, salad, veggie burger. Wait. Salad?! Veggie burgers?! Large sodas?! Moe ordered a large soda and a salad, saving himself tons of calories. He is finished when the movie is over. Moe goes home and has meatloaf and green beans. And one slice of cake.

Bloomberg is overjoyed, humanity has been changed, and… nothing has changed with Jeff.

A Walk to A Future

“I saw it immediately

the starkness

the desperation,

the pain” (Corinne Rupp)

 

Written on the faces on every man, woman and child

The countless sorrow

The countless self-infliction

“Stress,” some would call it
“Frustration,” others would say

So from a distance I notice this and start to walk

I want to make a Change, I want to be Change

I want to do something, GREATER than myself

So from that distance I started— I started to walk

 

Walking down the street I see friendly faces go out and play
Walking down the street I see all but one afraid. So I say Hi
and walk on my way. I one of the many few that made their day
with just a hi and smile their way.

 

Lightheartedness is the enchantment that paradise so playfully rejoice

that conquers despair of dissatisfaction.
What I’m trying to say is simple, we can all be nice and amazing if we all understand the concept of this expression happiness

 

Happiness comes from Hope

Hope Comes a From a Change
A Change that Connects all the Puzzle Pieces in Place

The Pieces make one

that one makes you,

makes me

makes us

 

What is Hope?
But Hope

Hope is also Us
Hope is also The FUTURE
Hope lends its wings to a new Beginning
A Beginning so Powerful
thats it alternative the existence of happiness

and positivity is contagious

 

I’m one person
I’m Just Bryan
..
I’m Just Me

N’
You are Just You

But Together we’re light

 

Be A Light, A light that shine amount the rest

Become A Light that destroys desperation, pain, and Darkness all TOGETHER

Become That Light

That Light

Those Lights!

 

That All look up to.

 

A Light that conquers the rest

Letting the Puzzle Pieces Really connect into Place
Letting it Fall into the shines of a Better Tomorrow.

Make A Better Tomorrow!

 

A Tomorrow You’ll be Proud of

A Proud Hopeful Future

 

This is what makes me different

makes me feel different

than all the others

than all the others Bryans,

than all the Others Spirits.
For I am one, and one all the same

Forthcoming Aspiration of Anticipation

A WALK TO A FUTURE

IS What I look for.

 

The walk is unfolding the inevitable fated corner of optimism

that describe the ambition of those who are rewarded

of the world you and I live in.

Light Brights All, Don’t let it bind you, let it guild you

BE YOU
the one you know best
NOT
the one that makes the REST

 

Like I say before

I’m JUST one Person

I walk Hope — I Feel Hope

I AM CHANGE

I’m just Bryan

 

Bryan Martinez

 

I Fight The Power
and Happiness is my Hopeful spirit
what is yours?

 

A Tale of Imagination

My innermost weakness is the song that motivates and guides

the wisdom of the painting dreamer.
The official opportunities

of an endless crimson sky.

 

As the artist erases the red sky from the white canvas into warmth,

he sees

blazing hot flames from a red dragon at the mountain’s peak

protecting its land.
Dreams are memory’s capture upon pictures.

Imagination is Key.

My innermost weakness is the superfluous cascade water falling in such glorious victory, over

The Daring hope of a wizard taking control of that Crimson attraction.

The sparks of the beauty allurement  stealing sight of such flames.

The painting posters pinned on the walls give way to

the rapids thoughts of wondering.

 

Thoughts Falling from the canvas once stained on the mountain as graffiti.
DayDreaming.
Shifting
In the caves and out of caverns
up in the wind and Down in the shadows.
Shifting

side by side and
back to back.
Shifting
Dreams to fantasies and
Fantasies to Reality

Imagination is Key.

 

My innermost weaknesses are the hopes of lilac flowers in the pool of Crystalline

in the middle of night,

in the middle morning,

in the middle of day,

in the middle of life.
Life is our command

Dreams are our Demand.

Imagination is a Key
Maybe your keys?
Maybe my keys?

Imagination – unlocks doors
be ever so careful what door you open,

be ever so careful in what doors are locked,

be ever so careful in what doors won’t open,
and be ever so careful in what doors you lock.

 

Imagination is the key

maybe yours

maybe mine

Use it wisely

Use it mindfully.

Don’t Get Caught in The Ring

There was a boy named Bobby Johnson and he was a kid who always walked to school and a homeless man would ask him for a quarter. The homeless man said to Bobby, “ I know you have a quarter.” Bobby walked off and the homeless man started to follow Bobby. Bobby started to speed up his walking because he noticed the homeless man was following him. The homeless man eventually caught up to Bobby and he took a quarter out of Bobby’s pocket. The homeless man said,” I knew you had a quarter, you liar.”

Bobby then responded and said,” I did not have that, where did you get it from?”

The homeless man left him alone and Bobby walked to school. As Bobby walked to school he did not realize what the man put in his pocket, but he found out when he was in science class. In class, Bobby had a fat bully named Bub who would always bother him because he was smart. When Bobby saw Bub walk up to the teacher to show that he had completed his project, Bobby said,” I wish that dry ice would fall on Ms. Hawk’s face and Ms. Hawk will scream at him.” As Bub walked up to show Ms. hawk that he completed his project, he dropped the dry ice on Ms. Hawk’s face.

Ms. Hawk was infuriated and told Bub, “Go sit down so I can call the principal and tell him that you are suspended.”

Bobby thought it was just a coincidence that happened, so when he went home and he asked his mom for a Xbox One and she said,” You cannot get it, so just think about something else.”

Right after he heard what his mom had to say, he said, “I hate you and I hope that you will get cancer.”

When it was time to eat dinner his mom said, “I do not feel so well can we go to the doctor.” It took Bobby some time to realize it, but he had just given his mom cancer. He did not know what it was until he heard and saw a glowing and heard a banging sound in his bag. When Bobby looked inside the bag, he realized the homeless man had put a ring in his bag, and that the ring could grant wishes. As Bobby went to sleep, he had to figure out a way to undo this horrible wish that he had already cast on his mother.

The next morning as Bobby walked to school he was ready to see the homeless man because he thought the homeless man would know to undo the wish. He could not find the homeless man, so he carried on to school. As he walked into school, Bub walked up to him and said, “Wuss up geek?” Bobby walked away because he knew what he was capable of since he had the ring in his possession. When he went to class he could not focus since he was worried about how to undo this wish that he had cast on his mom. He said, “I need to undo this wish, or else my mother will die.”

Something said to him, “If you want to undo this wish that you have cast on your mother, you must go to the homeless guy that gave you the ring and ask him to undo the wish for you.” Bobby thought whoever was talking to him was crazy, but then he thought that this could work. Bobby went back to speaking to this thing who told him what he needed to do if he wanted to undo this wish that he cast on his mom.

The thing said to him, “When you are trying to go find the homeless man, you will need to go to Chicago because he will be there. One problem is that there will be a person named Que who wants the ring. When he gets closer to the ring, his power will get stronger since he used to have it. Que has multiple powers that he will use, so do not underestimate him. If he gets the ring he will use it for world domination which in turn means you will probably die.”

Bobby said, “Can I kill him so I will not have the problem anymore?”

The thing said to Bobby, “If you kill him, it automatically kills your mother.” Bobby went home and started to plan. He got some weapons, a map, some money from his mom’s dresser, a hiking bag and a case for the ring. As he started to leave the house his mother stopped him and said, “Where are you going?”

Bobby said, “Nowhere.” Bobby left the house and went to the airport for a plane ticket to go to Chicago. The plane ticket read from Nevada to Chicago. As Bobby was ready to board the plane, a man stopped him and said, “Come with me.”

Bobby said, “Do not touch me unless you want to catch a beat down.” The man’s face started to get tomato red and started to steam. Bobby realized who it was, it was Que. Bobby ran to the plane and hid under a seat so Que could not find him. Bobby thought he was safe so he stood up. Right as he stood up there were flames and metal spikes coming from Que’s mouth. Que started to run towards him, and immediately he remembered that he had a machete with him. Bobby took it out and sliced Que’s right arm. Que’s arm was bloodier than Rambo shooting someone. Que was livid, so he blew up the plane. Right before he blew up the plane Bobby jumped out and went inside the airport. As soon as Bobby was inside, he told a police officer, “Call the SWAT team.”

The man did not believe him so Bobby said, “I guess I am going to take a road trip.”

Bobby went home and went into the kitchen as stealthily as possible. He took his mom’s car keys that were on top of the counter. It took Bobby about 6 hours to get there. When Bobby got to Chicago, he went to the poorest neighborhood called Archer Ave. He parked his car and got out. He was freezing because all he had was a T-shirt and shorts. Bobby went back into his car and made a wish. He said, “I wish I have warm clothes on and I wish I could go to the homeless man who gave me this ring.” The ring granted him the first wish, but it did not grant him the second wish. Bobby said, “How come you did not grant me the second wish?”

The ring said, “I cannot grant you wishes that are impossible.”

Bobby got mad and threw the ring into the snow. The ring was automatically back in his possession. He found out that he got it back and screamed, “Why did the man give me this ring?”

The thing said, “He gave you the ring because his life was ruined by it since he was overwhelmed with all that power.”

Bobby now started to worry because he thought that the same thing might happen to him. He also remembered that was not the only problem he had. He had to go to the man to undo the wish that he had cast on his mother. He thought to himself again, “Maybe I could give the ring to Que and he can keep it.” The thought came to him that if he could deliver the ring by Monday he probably would be alright. However, he could not find this homeless man.
\
Something said to him, “Go to the police and tell them that there is a missing person and describe him.”

Bobby did not know what he looked liked since the man had a hood the last time he saw him. He then said, “I wish I could describe what he looked like.”

As Bobby walked to the police station, a guy walked up to him and said, “I know you.”

Bobby said, “I do not know you.” He then looked into his eyes and said, “I do know you, are Que.” Then Bobby jumped back and took out his M16. This time Bobby had more firepower and he also knew how to use it, since Joe taught him how to shoot guns when he was dating Bobby’s mom. Que transformed into a body with spikes on his shoulders, fire coming out of his eyes and mouth, crystals on his legs and the rest of the body was metal. Bobby second-guessed himself after he saw Que’s real transformation. “You are able to do that. The ring was right, I can’t underestimate you.”

Just as Bobby was about to shoot, the police officer said, “Stop where you are and put your hands up.”

Que did not pay attention to the officer and breathed fire on him. He was burnt crisp. The officer crumbled and turned into ash. Suddenly the whole police force came out, guns blazing.

Bobby knew between the police shooting at him and Que’s power, he was not going to win, so he ran off. Now he was really in trouble and did not know what to do until he remembered that his dad lived in Chicago. He said to the ring, “Take me to my dad’s house.”

The ring answered him back and said, “If you want the homeless man, I can’t just give him to you.”

Then Bobby got curious and thought, could the homeless man be my father? He thought again and said not possible. He then thought it could be true. He called his mom’s ex-boyfriend, Joe. He asked Joe, “Why did my mom breakup with my dad?”

Joe said, “I don’t know much, but I do know that it had something to do with a ring.”

Bobby said, “That is all I need to know, bye.” Right after Bobby hung up he knew where he needed to go. He had some money left over from the plane ticket so he spent the night at a Motel 8. Bobby knew he had to find as much information as possible about his mom and why she broke up with Bobby’s dad. It was Sunday now and Bobby knew the perfect place to find his dad.  He always knew that his father was always a great Christian and would never miss a Sunday to go to church. As Bobby walked into the church he saw his dad. Bobby said, “You are the homeless man.” Bobby said, “I need to give you back the ring.”

His dad then said I will not take this ring and he ran. Bobby then said, “I made a wish that mom would get cancer and now she has it.”

His dad came to a sudden halt. “You wished that upon your mother? What is wrong with you, you foolish boy?” his dad said.

“I got mad with her. It is not my fault,” Bobby said. He then started to say, “Que’s coming. We have to leave. Que’s coming. We have to leave.”

As soon as his dad heard what he was saying, his dad said, “Who is Que and what does he want with you?”

Bobby responded and said, “Que is a guy who wants the ring and he will stop at nothing to get it.”

As soon as he said that, Que came in and said, “It is time to finish this. Give me the ring and no one gets hurt.”

“How did you find me?” Bobby said.

Que then responded and said, “Guess.”

“You followed me when I was in the Motel 8 and now here,” Bobby said.

Bobby and his dad started running, but Que cornered them and threw a jab at Bobby. Bobby dodged it and said, “I wish that Que would stop going after the ring.” The wish didn’t work and Bobby’s dad took the ring from him Que suddenly vanished.

Bobby asked, “Why did it work for you and not for me?”

His dad said, “I guess the ring listened to the rightful owner.”

They thought everything was back to normal until Bobby said, “We forgot to undo the cancer that I wish mom would get.” Bobby and his dad scurried to get to the airport. When they  got there they got on the first plane back to Nevada. They had a little bit of time to undo the wish. When the plane landed Bobby and his dad rushed to get a cab to go to his mom’s house. As soon as they got in the cab, Bobby said, “We need to go to 4th Street between 5th and 9th. Hurry up.” When they finally got to the mom’s house Bobby ran out while his dad paid the fare. When Bobby opened up the door with his key, his mom was lying on the ground with a puddle of blood surrounding her. Bobby dropped right by his mom’s head. When his dad came in Bobby said,” We’re too late, Dad.”

His dad responded and said, “I’m sorry, son.”

Bobby got up and he sobbed on his dad’s shoulder. When they were done hugging thevoice said, “Sorry about that.” Bobby realized that when he was in need of assistance, he could always talk to his conscience. When everything was done, the father moved in with Bobby. Que was dead, and the mom was also dead. They put the ring in a place where nobody could find it. They knew some day someone would find the ring, but that was not today.