The sun is up
But I am not
I am numb
For the day is not
When I feel things
I only feel
When the sun is sleeping
And I can be alone
I can think my dangerous thoughts
By myself.
I am trapped.
Alone with just my feelings.
Why aren’t they there when I need them?
Why are they only here to hurt?
Is this normal?
Is something wrong with me?
What is it?
What can I do?
To stop it?
So many questions.
Where are my friends?
Why can’t I make them?
Why am I so alone?
Stop.
Pause.
For just a moment.
Stop asking questions.
Answer them.
Is this normal?
No.
Is something wrong with me?
No.
I’ve read about this.
They tell me there are other people here,
They’re just like me.
I don’t believe them.
What can I do?
I need someone.
I need someone to listen.
Someone to talk to.
Someone to understand.
Why don’t you understand?
Unpause.
The questions will not stop.
What can I do.
Who can I ask for help
If I have no one.
Pause.
Again.
Think.
Who do I have?
My parents?
No, they wouldn’t understand
They tell me I need therapy.
No.
No.
No.
But what if it could help?
They would judge me.
But what if they were okay?
I can’t take the chance.
Yes I can.
What harm would it do?
You’re right.
I’m crazy.
I’m right.
I need help.
Unpause.
The sun is up.
I’m almost up.
I can feel the progress.
I still have questions, but they are leaving.
I’m going to be okay.
I know it.
I am normal.
I am not alone.
Pause.
I know that they will help me.
Unpause.
The sun is up.
And so am I.
I think that I’m okay.
I was brave.
I got help.
Unpause.