The Best Number 2

Part 2


Arnold, the main character

Arthur, his brother

Bob, the father

Sara, the mother

The director

The actors (Eric and Steve )


Act 6 (On set.  The children are sitting in seats for the audience, and the director is on stage).


Director: You two have surpassed Eric.  But only one of you will win.  Both of you are like Michael – lazy, cute, and, well, weird.  Arthur, you are quirky and slightly amusing.  Arnold, you like being the leader and doing everything, and you’re also funny.  But you both should know that the loser is also very-

Arnold & Arthur: GET ON WITH IT!

Eric: And hey, it’s not nice to make fun of me!

Children & Director: GET LOST, ERIC!!!

Director: As I was saying, before I was RUDELY interrupted, only one will win, but both of you are winners anyway.  The person playing Michael, the person who will be staying in California for 5 months each season, and we plan for there to be 13 seasons, is Mr…


Act 1 (Same as Act 6).


Arthur: In yo face, brother!!!

Arnold: How’s this possible?

Director: He wowed all of us so much.

Steve: If I may object –

Director: You may not!

Arnold: You may!

Director: Arnold! You may not!

Arnold: Arthur!

Arthur: Arnold!

Steve: Director!  Why didn’t you just ask me?  I thought Arnold rocked the auditions!

Arnold: Thank you!

Eric: I will also have to object –

Everyone else (Steve, Director, Twins): GET LOST, ERIC.

Eric: But I made it!  I did better than those twins.  They’re just fools.  I should be in “Ben & Jake,” much more than the two “ARs!”

Arthur: We repeat: GET LOST!!!

Arnold: Stop talking – it’d do you real good.

Director: Kids, kids, stop fighting. I made up my mind, and I decided Arthur –

Steve: Your decision should be that Arthur should leave. Arnold has displayed real talent. And Eric, go home man, you lost.

Director: The next time I hear a peep from you-

Arnold: I’m leaving.  Thank you for your time.  See you ‘round, big brother.

Arthur: You’ve gotta take me home!

Arnold: No, we don’t!


Act 2 (In the car, driving home.  Mom’s at the wheel.  (Fred is the baby).  Arnold is in the car and talks to Steve on his phone).



Bob: You gotta stop that!

Arnold: What’s that, Fred?  You think so, too?

Sara: Stop making fun of me!

Arnold: Arthur ditched me.  He probably used foul-play.  After all, he’s usually dishonest.

Bob: Maybe he just beat you for once.

Arnold: Him, beating me?  I don’t think so.

Bob: Some humility, please!

Arnold: I can’t talk, my phone’s ringing.  What’s this?  Unidentified number?

Bob: Don’t answer it!

Arnold: Hello?

Bob: Great!

Arnold: The director?  He wants to speak to me?  Why, Steve?

Steve: He’s reconsidering letting you play Michael!

Arnold: What does he want from me?  I thought he prefers Arthur?  Can I speak to Arthur?

Steve: No, but you can speak to a very special guest!

Eric: HHHEEELLLOOO!!!  I thought you were dead!

Arnold: Get lost, Eric!

Eric: If you’re still talking to me, I didn’t get what I wished for!  HAHAHAHA!!!!


Act 3 (In Eric’s kitchen).


Eric: Hello?  Who is this?

Steve: Me, Steve!  The director wants to give you the role of Michael.

Eric: But he REJECTED me!

Steve: Here, you can talk to him.

Director: You’re gonna get the role!  We’ll start the show on Monday, so get some rest!

Eric: Is this just a trick?

Director: We only trick people who are unsmart or unwanted.  But you’re smart and wanted, right?

Eric: I-I-I- G-G-Guess!!


Act 4 (In Arnold’s kitchen).


Arnold: Steve, are you lying to me?

Steve: No, no. Arthur was really rejected. And you know Eric has and had no chance of getting the role. Speak to the director. Oh, and by the way, come here by Monday.

Arnold: May I speak to Arthur?

Steve: No he’s packing.

Arnold: Tell me why he can’t speak!

Steve: I don’t wanna break your heart, but Arthur’s jealous.  He hates you right now.

Arnold: May I speak to the director?

Steve: Fine.


Act 5 (Arthur in California on set where he got the job).


Arthur: Steve, may I speak to Arnold?  I really miss him?

Steve: I- I- I-

Director: As a matter of fact, Arnold despises you. So does Eric. They’re both driving here, being escorted by their parents.  

Arthur: I don’t know what to say –

Steve: Jealousy. An evil trait.

Director: Don’t feel bad. You got the role.

Steve: You worked the hardest.

Arthur: Why did you protest when I got the role, Steve?

Steve: I wasn’t thinking straight. But you’re definitely the best.

Director: Get an early start on Monday. That’s when we’re starting the show.

Arthur: How’d you know they’d be coming? Arnold and Eric?

Director: They called us.

Steve: Really horrible of them to do this.

Arthur: Do I deserve to be in this show?

Director and Steve: Of course you do!


Act 6 (On set where Arthur was voted).


Arnold: What are you doing here, Eric?

Eric: What are you doing here, Arnold?

Arthur: I know what you two are doing here. You came here ‘cuz you hate me.

Arnold: No, I wanted to speak to you, but they didn’t let me!

Eric: They said they reconsidered and I got the role.

Arnold: No, I got the role!

Arthur: I kept the role.  You two are hallucinating.

Arnold: You are, Eric and Arthur.

Eric: Both of you are wrong!


Eric: Hold on, I got it.

Arnold: Stop, they called me!

Steve: We spoke to all of you…



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