I wanted to live wrapped in a box

locked away from jigsaws and buttons

doors that slam and peppers that burn

I wished I would find appreciation in the veins

of leaves

of the ice on my sleeves when I walked

streets of blackened snow

I fancied I’d look up one day

and see orbs that shined brighter

than electrical lampposts

I had the will to cut away the pavement

that made my feet hurt as they pounded

hurtling me past figures that leeched eagerness

I tried to see past metaphysical maybes that

made my head burn and cry out strings of lost thought

lost imagination

lost longings

It all came crashing down on me

and everything unfurled and churned

and spun up a storm of failure and

danger

and

lust for clear skin

need for praise

eager for approval of yesterday’s French braids

agile ankles

longer lashes

I left my mind in a maze

and reality in bed

because of what she said

I ripped off my braces because they didn’t match

my painted nails

I tied my shoes with one loop because two

had less finesse

And I forgot that people are animals

and I didn’t know what I was

and I should have

but I didn’t care because

she said I didn’t have to

I still wanted sweet peppers

and puzzles

and the intricacies of leaves

and celestial somethings

I just got distracted for a while