I was a happy faced girl. Too happy, or not happy enough.
I never really knew how I felt.
I kind of just pretended, not knowing what to feel, crying on birthdays, laughing at funerals. Getting weird looks for my outbursts of emotion,
Like I was the only troubled one.
Except…I knew I wasn’t. Everyone was programmed to a certain extent, but I wasn’t.
I was to live my own life and feel my own way.
People were told how to feel in different situations – sad, anxious, depressed, or happy.
I was the only one who could feel my own way, be my own person, go a different way.
Left if right. Right if left.
A ratio of emotions, that no one…not even I could control. My mind and body would free themselves and feel what they wanted.
I would never be tied down to humanity’s prefixes of an average girl.
I know I’m not the only one…
but for now I will be a happy faced girl, too happy, or not happy enough.
This is SUCH a great poem. I really love the creativity that Jemma exerts in her writing. The way that the “happy faced girl” doesn’t know the socially appropriate feeling to feel is very interesting.