“I haven’t slept in days. Last night, I was lying in bed, and I shut my eyes, and I cried. I cried because I miss you. I cried because I need you and because I’m hurting.”
Scene 6
(There are two chairs placed distance from one another on stage. CARSON and JANETTE, are sitting on each of the chairs. The light is on CARSON)
CARSON
Dear Elizabeth, I’m scared. I’m scared of the future. I don’t know what it holds. (PAUSE) No. I do know what it holds, and it’s…scary. I’m gonna settle my life down. Settle down…with Amy, who is a nice, wholesome woman. We’re gonna sell our house for a bigger one in Downtown Columbus. Just me, and Amy and Julian. Sounds great, right? Right. I just need to keep that in my mind. That my future is great. My non-scary, civilized future is great…with Amy who is great and not scary. Then what is it Elizabeth? We barely talk anymore, Julian and me. He just sits in his room and listens to music, then during meals he doesn’t speak; straight back to locking himself in his room. You would know what to say to him. (PAUSE) Elizabeth, am I scared of a future without you? Without that laughter that we shared? We would watch a movie, and order buckets of fried chicken and just kinda laugh. You used to laugh, Elizabeth. You used to make us laugh. Your laugh was loud and it shook the room, but in a good way. In an exciting way. I used to go to work everyday and look forward to coming home and hearing you laugh and sing and then laugh some more. You used to tell me that you missed laughing. I used to tell you that I missed your laughter. You would laugh and laugh but…I don’t know…I guess the laughter kinda stopped. It turned cold and dark. But now, I even miss that icy laugh. I miss it more than ever.
(the light shifts to JANETTE)
JANETTE
Dead God,- dead God? Dear God. Ugh Let me start over. Dear Dog, shit!
(PAUSE)
(JANETTE clasps her hands and looks up)
JANETTE
Dearest Lord, I have a confession to make. Last month, it was a Thursday night, and I was…tired, and I was driving home from Natalie Lanport’s country club that she very generously invited me to for the day, I drove past the Mini-Mart and they were having a two for one dandruff shampoo sale! Now God, I’m not sure if you understand that dandruff is any girl’s absolute worst nightmare. But you know what is even worse than dandruff? Spending an arm and a leg on shampoo. So I made a really quick U-Turn and headed into the Mini-Mart. All was well, except for the big fat parking ticket on my windshield! So I decided it might be better for everyone in my family’s health if I kept this parking ticket news to myself. So this morning, my husband, Robert found the ticket, and after a bit of…arguing we resolved that I should come here and ask for forgiveness. I promise to always remain fully honest with my husband and pay any and all parking tickets instead of letting them sit. But, I still got the two for one shampoo and my hair has never looked better. Amen to that.
Scene 7
(The scene opens to GREGORY reading a book sitting on the ground. JULIAN is listening to music while sitting on a chair)
(GREGORY tugs on JULIAN’s shirt. JULIAN removes his headphones)
GREGORY
May I have a cookie?
JULIAN
What? No, your mother said no cookies before bed.
GREGORY
It’s not before bed.
JULIAN
Fine, whatever, just get out of my hair, alright?
(GREGORY exits. CLAIRE enters)
CLAIRE
What a pleasant surprise.
JULIAN
Now that you’re here, can I go?
CLAIRE
Nope. You have to wait for my parents to get home. They’ll pay you. (PAUSE) What is Gregory doing up?
JULIAN
I don’t know. I put him to bed an hour ago.
(CLAIRE rolls her eyes and walks to the other side of the room and pulls up a chair next to JULIAN, and leans on the back of the chair)
JULIAN
Well why weren’t you watching the kid? Then they wouldn’t have to hire me in the first place.
CLAIRE
I had a ‘Christian Leaders of Tomorrow’ meeting. It’s really quite time consuming.
JULIAN
Christian Leaders of Tomorrow?
CLAIRE
It’s too sophisticated for you anyways.
(CLAIRE sits in the chair next to JULIAN. As CLAIRE takes her seat, her bag falls and papers spill out. JULIAN stands and gathers her papers from the floor)
JULIAN
Are these papers from your little ‘affinity group’?
CLAIRE
Not all of them.
(JULIAN looks through the papers and takes out a few from the stack)
JULIAN (looking up from paper)
How um, detailed.
CLAIRE
It’s a floorplan of my house once I move to New York.
JULIAN
What’s in New York?
CLAIRE
My profession as the state’s top female lawyer.
JULIAN
Top female lawyer huh? Thats ambitious.
CLAIRE
What’s your plan?
JULIAN
For when?
CLAIRE
When you grow up.
JULIAN
I don’t know, high school graduate, probably in college, I’ll see.
CLAIRE
You must have more than just that figured out for yourself.
JULIAN
I guess I never really put much thought into the matter. So pardon me for not sketching elaborate floor plans of my house in ten years.
CLAIRE (proudly)
I find the drawing process quite enjoyable. My father used to call me Le Corbus-claire. Get it? like Le Corbusier.
JULIAN
Le who?
CLAIRE
And you had the audacity to call me ‘seemingly uncultured’.
(CLAIRE takes the paper from JULIAN)
CLAIRE
Anyway, the house will look better once I draw in furniture. (PAUSE) I want to be an interior designer when I grow up.
JULIAN
I thought you had some brilliant lawyer plan.
CLAIRE
Are the two mutually exclusive?
(PAUSE)
JULIAN
It’s getting late. Do you know when your parents are gonna be home?
CLAIRE
I’m not sure. You’re welcome to stay the night.- I mean that in- Like not to be- (PAUSE) How about I call them to get an estimated time of arrival? If it’s too late, then I guess you can just head home and we can pay you another time.
JULIAN
I think our parents are getting lunch next week. I’ll have them bring home the money.
CLAIRE
Need me to um, walk you home?
JULIAN
I’m fine, thanks.
CLAIRE
It was really nice getting to see you, Julian.
JULIAN
Yeah, sure.
(JULIAN exits)
CLAIRE
Bye!
Scene 8
(The scene opens to CARSON and AMY standing center. AMY is cleaning the table, CARSON is shining a pair of shoes.)
CARSON
Did you get in touch with Janette? Do you know when Julian’s getting home?
AMY
No, sorry, I thought that you’d already called Robert. I’ll do it now.
CARSON
No, no it’s not necessary. He’ll get home when he gets home. Speaking of Robert and Janette, did you make that reservation?
AMY
Yes. Um, 12:30? At Veneers?
CARSON
Yeah, I think that’s what we had in mind
(CARSON puts down the shoe, and lifts up the other shoe. AMY sits in the chair)
AMY
I never really liked Veneers.
CARSON (pre-occupied)
Really?
AMY
I used to always get the ceasar salad, but their lettuce is so limp
CARSON
What did that lettuce ever do to you?
AMY
Nothing, I suppose.
(PAUSE)
AMY
Let’s do something fun tonight. Let’s go dancing! Or let’s go to that new Japanese restaurant that opened up Downtown. What was the name again? I could have sworn it started with a T.
CARSON
I’m not really in the mood
AMY
Oh come on! We could have fun. We never just go out and have a good time.
CARSON
Another night, alright?
AMY
Did you know that I took tap dancing for thirteen years? I was pretty good at it too. As a little girl, I used to go home from dance class every night and run around my kitchen in my mother’s high heeled shoes singing and doing shuffle-hop steps for hours. Why don’t we have that kind of fun?
CARSON
Because we aren’t ten year old girls.
AMY
You know, just because I’m in love with a mopey old man, doesn’t mean that I have to be a mopey old woman.
CARSON
Don’t kid yourself, you’re not a mopey old woman.
AMY
You know I might as well be, given the fact that your child despises me
CARSON
What, Julian? No he doesn’t ‘despise’ you. He just has trust issues.
AMY
But do I really have anything to do with those… trust issues? Sometimes I wonder if it’s all in my head. Because what could I possibly be doing wrong?
CARSON
He just still hasn’t moved on from…you know
AMY
No, Carson. I honestly don’t know.
CARSON
Oh come on, Amy don’t do this. Not tonight.
AMY
I’m sorry. I don’t mean to cause a scene but it’s difficult not to loose my temper with you mentioning her every five minutes.
CARSON
Don’t make this difficult
AMY (suddenly serious)
You can’t even say it.
CARSON
What? Amy don’t get irrational
(CARSON moves closer to AMY. AMY stands)
AMY
Oh? I’m irrational now? I just want you to say it.
CARSON
Say what?
AMY
Say that she’s gone. Say that you love me.
CARSON
It’s more complicated than just saying things-
AMY
No! I’ve been putting up with this for almost a year, hoping, praying that you will understand with time, that you just needed space to adjust to a new life. But it’s so much more than that.
CARSON
Amy, you’re getting ahead of yourse-
AMY
Don’t tell me what I’m doing. Don’t tell me what to do or who to be- just tell me that you care.
CARSON
I want to. (PAUSE) And I will. It’s just that-
AMY
It’s just that what, Carson? It’s just that you’re living in the past. But you can’t even see that!
CARSON
Amy! You don’t know what you’re saying
AMY: I know exactly what I’m saying. She’s not coming back. I’m here. And I love you, Carson. I really do. I would never turn my back on you the way she did. She never loved you the way I do.
CARSON: You don’t know that!
AMY: But I do know. Julian knows. Robert knows. Everyone knows except for you. Wake up Carson. Wake up and realize that if she really cared about being with you she wouldn’t have killed herself.
CARSON (in tears)
Amy…
AMY
Tell me right now Carson. Tell me I haven’t wasted a year of my life trying to get you to love me.
(AMY takes CARSON’s hand)
(CARSON looks at AMY and then looks down. AMY pulls her hand away)
AMY
I can’t do this anymore.
(AMY takes exits. CARSON sits on the ground)
CARSON
Dear Elizabeth, it looks like it’s just you and me. Just like old days, huh? Let’s make some popcorn, and go to the drive in. Then turn the car radio up and sing our hearts out. We used to roll down our windows and the teenagers in their convertibles would laugh at us. Askin’ “what are those old folks doing?” Playing ‘Let’s Stay Together’ for the whole highway to hear? Remember your Al Green phase?
(CARSON laughs)
If only you could see me now. I’ve gone mad Elizabeth! If only you were sitting here with me. We could go mad together. One old, mad, unstable yet undeniably in love couple.
(CARSON stands slowly. CARSON exits)
Scene 9
(the scene opens CLAIRE is sitting in a chair center stage)
CLAIRE
Dear God, I have come to you seeking guidance. Lately, I have been having thoughts. Unholy thoughts. About boys. Well, not exactly boys, but like a boy in particular. And, when we get married and have three children, I don’t want to compromise my religious studies, and my duties as a Christian Leader of Tomorrow. I don’t know what to do. Believe me, I’ve tried, but I just can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve been cursed. Cursed by his slick black hair and electric smile. Well not really a smile, but more like a… smirk. Yes, that’s it! An electric smirk that lingers in my mind and haunts me when I close my eyes. Lord, please give me the courage to overcome my weakness and resume my independance. Amen.
(JANETTE enters and sits in a chair)
JANETTE
Claire darling, have you seen your father?
CLAIRE
No mother, he had a meeting after work, don’t you remember?
JANETTE
Why does that man bother coming home in the first place? He practically lives in that office.
CLAIRE
He’ll come home soon. He always does.
JANETTE
Yeah, (PAUSE) well how about we take a girls night?
CLAIRE
A girls night?
JANETTE
Yes! We could go shopping or get our nails done or-
(JENETTE stands and trips. JENETTE catches her fall on the chair)
CLAIRE
Mother, are you alright?
JANETTE
Oh yes, yes. I think I’m getting a bit too old for these shoes.
(JANETTE takes her shoes off and puts them on the chair)
CLAIRE
Let’s just stay in tonight. Let’s order a pizza.
JANETTE
Darling, you don’t need the calories.
(Knocking)
CLAIRE
Who’s that?
JANETTE
Oh! I completely forgot. Darling hold my drink. I need to fix my hair, we have a guest.
(Knocking)
CLAIRE
A guest?
JANETTE
The lanky boy from down the street. Carson Turner’s son.
CLAIRE
Here? Now?
(Knocking continues. CLAIRE opens the door. JULIAN walks inside)
JANETTE
Hello there.
JULIAN
Hey.
JANETTE
Make yourself at home.
(JULIAN sits in the chair)
JANETTE
Can I fix you a cup of tea?
JULIAN
Oh, um no thanks.
JANETTE
Oh alright. I’ll be right back with your money from last week. I’m sorry our little brunch-date with your parents had to be postponed. How are things at home?
JULIAN
They’re um- okay, I guess.
JANETTE
Well that is lovely to hear. Isn’t it Claire?
CLAIRE
Yes, quite lovely indeed. Mother has the water boiled?
(JANETTE checks her watch and then looks stage left cautiously before exiting)
JANETTE
Oh dear,- I’ll be back shortly
(JANETTE exits. CLAIRE pulls out a chair for JULIAN and she sits in the chair across. JULIAN sits)
CLAIRE
So, how’s it going?
JULIAN
I don’t know, it could be better. I’m wet and cold.
CLAIRE
Yeah it’s um…cold outside
(JULIAN nods)
(PAUSE)
CLAIRE
I guess it’s not so much cold as it is just disgusting. You know? It’s one of those days where you absolutely dread going outside because it’s terribly humid and rainy. My mother says never to go outside when it’s humid or rainy because the rain will ruin my curls. I do it anyway though. The humidity doesn’t really do anything to my hair besides making it bigger, and bigger is better, you know?
JULIAN
Um…sure?
CLAIRE
Oh gosh, am I rambling? You see, it’s just that sometimes I do that when I get nervous. Like it’s kind of surprising that I can talk for a really long time and just not even realize that I’m-
JULIAN
Claire.
CLAIRE
What? Oh. Sorry.
(JULIAN takes headphones out of his bag and begins to listen to music loudly)
CLAIRE
Is that Led Zeppelin?
(CLAIRE removes the headphones from JULIAN’s head. They remain on his neck, the music is still playing loudly)
CLAIRE (Loudly)
This is my favorite!
JULIAN (Loudly)
What?
CLAIRE (loudly over music)
Track number 6, Stairway to Heaven.
JULIAN (over music)
You know this song?
CLAIRE (over music)
After I left that evening when you showed me that poster, I went rummaging through my father’s old records and I found this one. Led Zeppelin. The album cover looked just like the one I found in your room. (PAUSE) This is my favorite track on the record.
(CLAIRE stands and sways to the music. JULIAN laughs)
JULIAN
What in God’s name are you doing?
CLAIRE
I’m dancing
JULIAN
That’s dancing?
CLAIRE
It’s not like you can do any better.
(JULIAN stands and takes CLAIRE’s hand.)
JULIAN (to the song)
Ooh it makes me wonder
(CLAIRE laughs. JULIAN and CLAIRE dance. The music continues and gradually gets louder)
CLAIRE
You’re a terrible dancer
JULIAN
Likewise
(JULIAN and CLAIRE laugh as they continue dancing. CLAIRE kisses JULIAN. The music becomes softer and JULIAN backs away from CLAIRE quickly)
CLAIRE
I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- I just kinda- I mean you know-
JULIAN
It’s um, time for me to go.
(JULIAN exits stage right. CLAIRE sits down. JANETTE enters stage left)
JANETTE
Now did you say you wanted decaf? Because I only have chamomile, and the label doesn’t say- Now where did that boy go?
(CLAIRE exits)
JANETTE
Claire?
(JANETTE exits)
Scene 10
CARSON
Dear Elizabeth, I’ve changed. You wouldn’t recognize me. I mean, I’m still five foot nine and half and my hair still awkwardly parts at the center but i’m a bit scattered. I haven’t shaved in two weeks. And I feel different too. I don’t know, maybe I’m just still bent out of shape from Amy. She came by on Tuesday, but it was just to pick up some of her things. A part of me wished she would stay. She was there for me at the end of the day. She was sweet and warm, but I pushed her away. She was just trying clean up the mess you made. I wanted structure, and she was there. She came with the promise of civilization, and she left with it to.
JANETTE
Dear God, I don’t know what to say. I married into a family of lovely, loyal Christians. But God, I-I’m angry. I’m angry and I’m sad, and quite frankly I’m just confused. I had to rush my nine year old son to the emergency room. He was just playing. He was playing near the street and I didn’t know what would happen. (JANETTE starts to cry) When the car came, I thought I had lost him. He’s in the hospital now, staying there overnight. What if he doesn’t make it? I’ve worked too hard to let the life that i’ve built for myself and for my children fall apart. How could you let this happen? I just don’t understand.
Scene 11
(the scene opens CLAIRE is sitting on the ground reading a book.)
Enter JULIAN
JULIAN
Can I sit?
(CLAIRES puts her book down)
CLAIRE
What? Oh, um sure
JULIAN
So, how’s it going?
CLAIRE: It’s been better.
PAUSE
CLAIRE
Why are you talking to me?
JULIAN
Why wouldn’t I be?
CLAIRE
I don’t know. I thought I kinda freaked you out before
JULIAN
It takes a lot more than that to freak me out
PAUSE
JULIAN
I’m um sorry to hear about your brother
CLAIRE
Yeah. I am too
JULIAN
Can I visit him?
CLAIRE
I don’t think that’s such a good idea. He just got out of the hospital. Things are hard enough as it is.
JULIAN
How long has he been home?
CLAIRE
Just a few days. But he hasn’t really said anything to me.
JULIAN
I guess he just needs some space
CLAIRE
I don’t think so. The doctor told us it’s gonna get worse. That’s the part I don’t understand. Why is it with me and my life, things only get worse?
JULIAN
Well, that’s what makes life more…exciting. It’s always changing.
CLAIRE
If my life is so exciting, than why aren’t I excited?
JULIAN
It will come around. You win some you lose some
CLAIRE
I don’t like losing some.
JULIAN
You get used to it. losing.
CLAIRE
Did things come around for you?
JULIAN
Well um…we weren’t talking about me.
(There is a long pause. CLAIRE looks at the ground. JULIAN takes out a cigarette)
JULIAN
Got a light?
(CLAIRE looks up and shakes her head)
JULIAN
I didn’t think so
CLAIRE
Why do you do that?
JULIAN
Do what?
(CLAIRE takes the cigarette from JULIAN’S hand and rests it on the ground)
CLAIRE
You know those can kill you.
JULIAN
I’m not scared
CLAIRE
Everyone fears death. Everyone fears God, just like how they fear death.
JULIAN
I don’t
CLAIRE
Why?
JULIAN
I don’t need to. I’m hellbound anyway, so I don’t need to waste my time.
CLAIRE
Waste your time?
JULIAN
Yeah, that’s exactly what it is. It’s a waste of time sucking up to God, or hopelessly trying to run from death. Because you can keep running, but all that’s gonna achieve are a pair of sore legs. So at one point I just decided to stop running. And once I stopped I got to breathe and appreciate the things around me. The finer things in life.
CLAIRE
The finer things in life? Like what, cigarettes and cheap booze?
JULIAN
Precisely
CLAIRE
Alright, fine. But that doesn’t mean that you should shut yourself out to your family or to me or to God.
JULIAN
Well what you associate “shutting yourself out” is what I associate with the exact opposite. I think it’s quite freeing. Because I’m living for me. I’m not living in fear of anyone else. Not even God.
CLAIRE
Why is it so easy for you to just throw aside your fear?
JULIAN
I didn’t say it was easy. It took years of pain. But like I said before, you get used to losing. It all just made me kinda numb. I took that cold numb feeling and I did some pretty stupid things.
CLAIRE
If you knew they were stupid then why did you do it?
JULIAN
Because I could. Because no one could stop me. And because I was living for me, and I liked that. I liked that they were strange and unfamiliar. Not fearing allows you to live with the unfamiliar. It sounds like a lot in theory, but when you’re all numb, that part doesn’t really matter. That’s the part where I won.
CLAIRE
You won some and lost some
JULIAN
Exactly.
CLAIRE
So, do you think things will come around that way with me and Gregory?
JULIAN
I hope for your sake that TH wont.
(CLAIRE looks down)
JULIAN
It’s late. I should head home.
(JULIAN stands, CLAIRE remains seated)
CLAIRE
I don’t know why you lie to me.
JULIAN: What?
CLAIRE
You’re not ‘numb’ or whatever. I see the pain in your eyes every time you look at me. You’re hurting because you care. About your mother, your father, maybe about me. You care and you fear and you hurt and you love. I see that. I see you.
JULIAN
Goodnight Claire.
Scene 12
(the scene opens with ROBERT and CARSON sitting on two stools. the light is on ROBERT)
ROBERT
Dear God, thank you. Thank you for saving my family. I closed my business deal with the Rogers, and finally payed Gregory’s medical bill. He’s gonna be alright. I know he is. The brain damage isn’t severe, at least that’s what the doctor said. So nothing’s for sure yet, but I have hope. I didn’t always have hope, but I sure have it now. So thank you for giving my family the cement to keep us together. Thank you for giving us hope.
(the light shifts to CARSON)
CARSON
Dear Elizabeth, thank you. Thank you for showing me what it means to love. Thank you for showing me what it means to hurt. Thank you for showing me how to dance and how to laugh. Thank you for showing me how to scream and how to cry and then how to scream some more. Thank you for introducing me to accord. Thank you for introducing me to fear. Thank you for introducing me to loss and to solitude. I’ve spent two and a half years chasing someone who finished chasing me. I needed you Elizabeth. I needed you, and you didn’t need me. I needed someone who would listen and be there, and never talk back. And that was where you came in. I guess it was pretty easy for you not to talk back to me. It’s because you’re dead. It’s because you’re dead. So what can I do now? I can give up. I’m giving up on you just like how you gave up on me. I’ve been holding back from relationships, from friendships even from my own son, but why? Because of you? Who was the one telling me to keep chasing you? Nobody! Absolutely nobody! At least, that’s what I thought until I looked in the mirror. (PAUSE) I’ve been trapped Elizabeth. I’ve trapped myself because of you. And I’m trapped and I’m cold and I’m lonely and I need to be freed. Amy couldn’t free me. Julian can’t free me. Robert and Janette- they can’t free me. Not even you Elizabeth, not even you. I have no one but myself to thank for trapping me. And I have no one but myself to thank for freeing me. (PAUSE) I have a feeling that you won’t be hearing from me for a while. So for the cold tears and warm smiles and everything in between, thank you.
Scene 13
JULIAN
It’s getting cold.
CLAIRE
Yeah, I’m not sure where the summer went.
PAUSE
CLAIRE
So, how’s your dad?
JULIAN
My dad?
CLAIRE
You know- Carson. How is he?
JULIAN
Today we had our first real conversation in over two weeks (PAUSE) it was miserable. his girlfriend left him, his ex-wife is dead, he’s clinically depressed and has a moron for a son.
CLAIRE
Oh, right.
PAUSE
CLAIRE
Listen, I didn’t mean to make things uncomfortable, I guess I just wanted to talk.
JULIAN
Please, God knows you have as much to be uncomfortable about as I do.
CLAIRE
What’s that supposed to mean?
JULIAN
Your family’s broke, your brother’s fucked up and you get by on this false hope that you keep spoonfeeding yourself.
CLAIRE
Maybe it’s better if we just don’t talk.
(JULIAN nods)
JULIAN
Sorry.
CLAIRE
I thought we weren’t talking.
(PAUSE)
CLAIRE
I wanna listen, I wanna feel, I wanna pray, I just don’t wanna talk.
JULIAN
Fine. Then teach me to pray.
CLAIRE
No, I can’t- I can’t just teach you how to pray
JULIAN
Why not?
CLAIRE
It’s not something you teach, it’s something you feel and something you become
JULIAN
Then make me a prayer
(CLAIRE laughs and lies down. JULIAN looks at her and lies down adjacent)
CLAIRE
Just look at the trees, but like really look at them. Notice the sky and the clouds. Each one is kinda like a small blessing, drifting away.
(PAUSE)
CLAIRE
And the dirt on the ground under the grass. And the grass itself! Hundreds of blessings that we sit on every day. Hundreds and hundreds of tiny blessings. The way they sway with the wind, it’s just…so alive.
JULIAN
Than there are those few pieces of grass that just kinda stay there. Over on top. They’ve yellowed and browned and they don’t sway with the wind like the others. They’re just…there. Completely lifeless, completely powerless.
CLAIRE
Completely lifeless, completely powerless. There’s a sense of freedom to that. A sense of beauty.
JULIAN: Beauty? In lifelessness?
CLAIRE
Yeah, imagine being that grass. Sitting right on the top with absolutely nothing binding you down. You just stay there and you wait. You wait until that wind comes and carries you away.
PAUSE
JULIAN
But what do you do once you’re carried away?
(CLAIRE takes JULIAN’s hand)
CLAIRE
You pray.
