I was a happy faced girl. Too happy, or not happy enough.

I never really knew how I felt.

I kind of just pretended, not knowing what to feel, crying on birthdays, laughing at funerals. Getting weird looks for my outbursts of emotion,

Like I was the only troubled one.

Except…I knew I wasn’t. Everyone was programmed to a certain extent, but I wasn’t.

I was to live my own life and feel my own way.

People were told how to feel in different situations – sad, anxious, depressed, or happy.

I was the only one who could feel my own way, be my own person, go a different way.

Left if right. Right if left.

A ratio of emotions, that no one…not even I could control. My mind and body would free themselves and feel what they wanted.

I would never be tied down to humanity’s prefixes of an average girl.

I know I’m not the only one…

but for now I will be a happy faced girl, too happy, or not happy enough.